dis shit long
What’s up! Disappearing Act. I had to get a break and plus I just haven’t been in the house to sit down and update really. I have been trying to keep all these many faces that revolve around me happy. In part of doing this is hurting some one special to me. But it really isn’t my fault. Well it is. But she pushed me to not give a fuck. By doing/writing me something so stupid that just made me mad. I know ya’ll are like what the fuck are you talking about. Well…
Thursday 12- I didn’t do shit but go to school and meet this new girl name Stephanie. She was new she a Junior, all the niggas was checking her out wanting to get with her and shit but she said she didn’t want to talk to no niggas at our school, we convosated back in forth in 3rd period. Yeah I admit I was attracted to her. Her style, her attitude her cool as personality. And she was like Cierra one of my home girls, she already knew told her that I was one of the biggest gay chicks at our school. This is true. So I was like ok, she was like well you still cool with me. I was alright, she found out I did hair and wanted her hair done. But other then that she gave me her number and told me to call her. And after school India had gave me a letter that she had wrote on the 10th or something like that. It was 4 pages of basically bullshit. That pissed me off. She said some stupid shit like she know I still got feelings for my ex boyfriend Brandon. Just because I and he still talk, I don’t get where I can’t be friends with my ex. If you supposedly suppose to trust me then what the fuck, I don’t know how many times I got to waste my breath and argue with her over him. So just for her me and him have no connection, I stop talking to him. But yet still in the letter she was saying some crazy shit. “I don’t feel that you love me like u suppose to”! And I was like how the fuck is I suppose to love you? I love her the best way I know how and if that’s not enough then I don’t know what is. She kept repeating lines like “we shouldn’t even be together if you got feelings for some one else” and am like who do I have feelings for. She was just pissing me off in the letter. She said this shit that really blew me “I try to do you better than that nigga Brandon did but I guess I just can’t satisfy u like he did”! I have never told her or even gave her a reason to think that she wasn’t doing me right. She assume to fucking much man. And it’s fucking FUCKED up our relationship . So that day was shitty as hell for me but you know what her game was Friday I wasn’t going to not go and support her just because I know she really wanted me there. I didn’t even say shit to her about the letter, I blew it off.
Friday 13 - School was crazy, every one was wearing blue and white to support the game. India came up to me in the morning and asked me did I read her letter, I shook my head yes, she asked me did I write back, I said no. she said will I said yes. She asked me what’s wrong I said nothing. Simple answer!!. Why because I was mad as hell, I know if I would have talk I would have showed out. But blah different day at school but same shit. After school I went to her house because the game started at 6. We got to her house and she left with her cousin Matthew. I was so BLOWED! I went in her room and went to sleep. She said they were going up to the gym. I was whatever. So about 5:45 I and some homeboys went to the store to get a blunt stick. When we were leaving I saw her rolling back to the house in the car with Nikki. The same bitch we had problems with before. Ugh..Tell me I wasn’t supposed to be mad? Gotdamnit I was! So I stopped in she looked SHOCKED. And I said am going to the store with Larry and the homeboys I see you at the game. And walked off, she chased behind me talking about she was bringing me to get you I swear, and I was like hold my jacket I see you at the game. And I left. Went to get fucked up walked in the game hell of late, she seen me walk in and she was like you just hye as fuck, and I said yeah I know. She was like my game cancelled, I said so I came for no damn reason. But it was cool. Let me skip all that during the game though guess who she was sitting with Nikki the whole fucking time. Not me. I had written her back the day I read that letter, I just was not going to give to her. But after that I gave it to her. At the game she was reading it and I was staring at her, she looked at me and balled it up and threw it at me. Making a fucking scene. I broke up with her ass in the letter. So after the fuck you finger back in forth the rest of the game, I told Nikkei to take me home because I knew she was taking India home. So I rode, and I had to get my glasses and shit out her room, I walked in she stayed in the car talking to Nikkei. I just laughed that shit off. She got no respect for me she don’t love me not if she don’t give a fuck. But I walked out she still sitting there Nikkei rubbing on her stomach. I acted like I didn’t see it, said am ready and I rode home in SILENCE. I got home had seen India called me 100 damn times. Because my cell phone is off. She called as I was walking in the house and talks trying to say she didn’t do shit blah blah. Saying she cant be with out me and all that shit. I was man am not hearing you asking me back out, and I know I wanted to be with her so bad I still said no.
Saturday 14-I didn’t call her all day, I called my ex ex Kalvin though. We smoked and drank, and we started talking again. Am single I do as I please. I caught feelings for him because simply he is REAL, about any and every fucking thing. Yeah the Lesbian in me is keeping me from kissing or fucking him. So no I didn’t do and want be doing any thing with him like that. But we know where we stand. If I need him he there if he need me am here. He the jealous type, so I told him I don’t talk to no one else any more. Lying. Yes, why because am at the point where I think no one gives a fuck about my feelings why should I give a fuck about any one else’s feelings. When I came home at like 1130 India was calling. My mom gave me the phone and I approached her with a bitch attitude. She said you coming up here tomorrow. What the fuck NO. That’s not what I said I wanted to but didn’t. She said “you know it’s my birthday and our 5th month anniversary. I wanted to say I don’t give a fuck, but again I didn’t! I was so pissed at my self. I just said yeah I guess.
Sunday 15 - she called me bright and fucking early. Talking about happy anniversary baby is sorry and I love you. I said ummhmm happy birthday. I got up got dress and went to her house. Asking my self why the fuck am I doing this. Why I went up there and she as had her basketball crew there and they was taking her out to eat. She asked me to go, I said HELL NO. I wouldn’t have come if I knew they were going to do that. It was SUPPOSE to be a me and her day. To talk about our shit and all that. But it wasn’t she told me don’t leave. You got me fucked up and life. Fuck that I called Amanda, one my ex and told her to come get me ASAP. She did. We smoked. I came home called Stephanie the new girl I had meet and she told me to come to her house and chill so we got directions it took us fucking forever to find it, but we did. She was looking so fucking good. And I was studded up when I went to her house. She had told me before she wanted to see me dress like a nigga. So I did. I was fly too! Yes she took hell of pictures of me on her cam, we took some together, and I took some of her. We talked and she told me about her and her life. She cool as fuck. She said am going to be her first girl that she wants to really try something with. She said she always been interested and shit but never decided to try it in till me. I was cool. She so fine yall. But we were sitting in her room and she layed down and I layed on her stomach. Shit was so great. She fall asleep I was watching TV though. She wasn’t deep in her sleep every move I made she was like where u going. But she brought me home at like 2. her moms cool as fuck. Am feeling her she feeling me. I got home first thing I did was look at the caller ID. Yes India called and called over and over again. I didn’t give a fuck. I went to sleep after talking to Stephanie on the phone in till 6 this morning.
And now today, MLK day and No school. Stephanie called me at 11 wand woke me up told me she coming over at 2 we she get back from her grannies. I said cool, so yeah am going to get dress and not talk to India. Am tired of her stupid ass. I don’t have to put up with bullshit and I will not. I have for some time now. And its childess. So I hope she had a great fucking birthday with her fucking friends. Imma do me!
Sorry for the long as update, and the colors stoped because i got lazii and didnt want to do dat shit no more. Lol i got hella picz from dis week.but i got to get em uploaded and shit i have dat shit latta tonite.
and she'z g0one
truely signing owt ya bitch,
Fr3sh