she's a frolicking depression...she's a self-inflicted obsession
soooo.... my evening:
tried to eat a family meal. verdict: failure.
tried to make a shirt. verdict: failure.
made a sign that said: "someday youll realise the people in your cell phone dont know you as well as you thought"
threw the sign away
kelsea and tyler came over to eat. actually kelsea ate.
two ladies ran into our house screaming to use the phone and we called the po because there was a black van chasing them and throwing bottles at them. At first i saw one of the women's torn and dirty shirt and thought there was a bloody mess in the street and for a second i was excited. and then i felt useless as i watched the chaos unfold as they calmed their dog and gasped into the phone.
then kelsea and tyler left.
tonight i felt rather alone, more so than i have in a while. i guess that i stopped being depressed somewhere along the line and didnt really notice, and became semi social. i think i found solace in other anti social beings and in turn it seemed like i was shunning the uber social ones in the first place. my depression was kind of... comforting.
blah i am worse with words than i would like to be.
all i wanted to do tonight was call charles because... i knew he would be on the other end of that phone line without fail, i know he's one of the few that is always on the other end without fail. but then i stopped dialing because i realised it was a phone and would only add to my feeling that i am really far away from everyone i know.
so i am going to go make my zine and lay in my bed and listen to a mix that i named charlie loves me. I will go think of nicer things and wonder why no one comments or calls or cares and wonder why i dont comment or call or care.
goodnight nicole.