last night...
...she said oh baby i feel so down oh it turns me off when i feel left out..
last night was so-oh-oh what i needed. WOW Hall? It used to be anxious hell and now its a comforting haven. I do not feel left out when i am running up and down those stairs and in and out of the bathroom and along the benches on the side and through a time when we LIVED there.
Colin felt like we didnt belong there, felt like we grew out of it. I didnt know what to say to that, because even as i watched purple haired children migrate in and out of the mosh pit, and as i saw the surfacing of a bunch of new kids with funnie mohawks and Hudson-esque struts, even as I took all this in, i still felt like there was a place for us.
I think Kelsea is the only one who gets it? The one who knows what emotional strings tie me to that building, to those cigarette benches outside, to the station wagons in the back parking lot and to that bathroom stall with the curtain. To the years we had of social anxiety and being the awkward kids who wanted so bad to fit in... and as she described it last night, we did our part. We were the youngest people for a while, we were the new breed, we were the one who would be scowled at and we were the ones who got so incredibly self righteous and talked shit about everyone we thought "didnt belong"
And now that we're the older ones, the in-between ones, the ones buying our younger siblings alcohol and driving ourselves, we're the object of those scowls, with our Birkenstocks and big earrings. We dont have the dirty converse or the black eyeliner anymore, and so we're the aliens to some of those youngens. But its okay, because time has created a place for us where we're okay just wandering and we're okay chatting it up. We're okay sitting on a stoop out back drinking forties and we're okay not drinking. We're okay being in front and dancing around and we're okay with surrenduring to the squishy mob being us and escaping the crowd early. I dont have a love-hate relationship with the WOW hall anymore, it's allllll love.
highlights yo:
- telling a movie star she was beautiful in the bathroom (she looked shocked and told me i was pretty too) but SHIT she is hott and SHIT she's a movie starrr!!!
- initiating my sister and ten of her little friends into drinking in the parking lot
- conversing with a very pretty, very drunk little crusty girl in the bathroom about short skirts. She told me the boys dont like her because she smells and it upset me.
- ummm the soldiers are just awesome
- some freakishly strange girl in the front screaming "I want you to carry my children, Marty" (eww)
- the midget in front of me
- Minette had a puppet and um i just like minette.
- Mo jumped out of the dark at me and it was nice.
- the sophomores (juniors?) that are going to be in the axe next year dancing their little asses off
- going to Ed's house after and watching South Park on his baby TV
- watching animal planet very very high
- seeing some strange folk at the show but also seeing some beautiful old friends and lovers
shitty shit:
- Not talking to Kevin because I couldnt find him.
- Kinda wanting to party and not really being able to
- Sammy still intimidates me especially her friendship with colin and only colin.... say hello to the girls.
- Getting another parking ticket
- Realising the Soldiers are going to get famous and I'll be one of those people who says to everyone "ooh! Ooh! i totallllly used to work with them" eww i dont want to be one of those but i probably will be.
- kim's party being shitty so we didnt end up going (but eds house was better)
- the empty forties rolling around clanking in my car.
- thats it.
Today i worked India House again and this time it was fun because Tory was there. I still smell like chicken though. All week i've been coming home from work, putting fleece pants on and watching TV with Kelsea while we eat bagels and sandwiches. Sometimes we get too tired and just take naps. It's becoming painfully obvious that this is how the rest of the summer is going to be and today we decided to hike the butte when it gets nice and swim a lot so we dont get really fat.
that is all for now.
summer is here. colin is absolutely, positively correct: summer memories are beginning NOW.
love nicole