everything is awesome
...or so we concluded last night.
i'm coming to the realization that i do not like drugs. my distaste for alcohol comes from my parents (i wonder if they ever thought they'd be a deterrent?), my aversion to weed stems from my social anxiety and then these mushrooms? I hurt. My head has hurt since 10 this morning and my temperature is all fucked up and I just sort of began to understand we ate poison last night.
It wa a lovely journey, though. Not wanting to get up but being okay with it, just taking a voyage into the world of livejournals with Chloe and into the Internet with Tory, drinking tea and freaking out at the way we looked in the black light. (very scary) Coming down from any drug is unpleasant and I dont like feeling like that. (i feel like such a geek!)
where is everyone? it was literal, as we walked down the middle of the street last night all alone while the world slept. But it meant more, too. Since when is every weekend three or four people? And what happened to Kelsea and Dana? And why do parties seem so unsatisfying, as gatherings in the woods with no shoes and the surprising emerging of disappointment. What will next year be like?
Last night we sat outside in Tory's pixturesque surreal backyard, i had some thoughts that seemed so damned realistic and logical, so exciting until i came back to reality and realized the litte pang of pain i felt was due to the improbability of all my idealistic little maybes.
I wanted to live there forever. Sit outside in my own house, in our own house together and just...live. I made the idea practical in my head, thinking that Chloe and Tor would be coming back to go to college just when we decide to go.... and although Tory is already going to the East coast, colin wont stay here, and I dont know what the hell i'm thinking, it all seemed perfect last night, like a nice, easy future and why didnt we think of this before? i haaaate growing up.
(chloe and i had a moment last night where we got to be little. We had childhoods of being little adults and decided that the world would take care of us instead)
there is so much going on....
going onmaybe a mushroom-induced observation, but maybe just an observation? because i feel like there is too much going on.
love, nicole