(no subject)
ew. So it's 4:38 in the morning and I'm up again. but I'm not drunk. Last night was a lot of fun. A LOT. Michelle said that I'm a lot of fun when I'm drunk, and that I should just be drunk all the time. ehh ya, I get that a lot. so I told mikeparty that I would have fucked him at that first rave. and he wants me bad. And i just don't know. I think he just scares me, I like him, but he just seems like he could be so mean, and I have self esteem issues already. anyways So last night when michelle went to bed I went and drank in the shower - to the point I couldn't even take care of even thinking about doing normal shower stuff like washing my hair. I just sat there all slumped up against the wall trying to kill the bottle. I'm surprised that I didn't get sick. Eh I want to drop out. Who the fuck am I kidding, I'm not going to study or go to class. I hate the im this huge inconvenience. but i do nothing about it. I'm just this fucking loser. - And why the fuck do i even do this to myself - I know that I won't ever be able to beat up myself to the point that I just snap around, like in some fucking movie. eh. I just hate that I feel like this huge inconvenience, and I hate how I can't be a normal girl and go shopping, and get all dressed up and pick out cute outfits and feel hot. and I know if I had money I would dress well, Not even money money just like a little. I hate how I'm constantly thinking about money. I hate it. and I hate my parents for it. my shit sucks. all ido is bitch about everything. It just sucks. and I'm so bitter, I hate these college kids all high and mighty, they're all soo fucking smart, so fucking cool, they're all going to change the world. Go fuck yourselves. You all suck. See I'm just jealous, because I know I can feel the same way. Like today earlier... and i always catch myself wondering if i could possibly be some little princess like that phycic said. When clearly i just came off as a little stupid teenage girl. And what stupid teenage girl doesn't act as if the world revolves around her. and that's shit, I don't have to work hard for anything - bitch, please. I use to. when i cared. I think it's very clear that I won't amount to anything, or really I might just turn out to be a fucking alcoholic loser. so it's clear.