I want to take you home tonight, want to take you home forever...
As you go through life, you learn quite a few things. At the mere age of 17, I've already learned several things that will help me survive well past that age of...oh, say 40?
Anyways, here. Read random things I've learned.
1. Don't be fooled by the "Nestle Crunch" label. SUGAR FREE Nestle Crunch bars taste NOTHING like a Nestle Crunch bar. In fact, they taste very much like...mud-covered styrofoam.
2. Trans Ams may fly well, but they do no land well, in any case.
3. Those packets that you find in stuff that have stuff printed all over them that says "DO NOT EAT!!!" ....Yeah. Don't eat them.
4. Don't light fireworks 6 inches away from your lawn. It will move into the grass and proceed to start your lawn on fire.
5. Should you fail to heed #4 and light your lawn on fire anyway, do not attempt to put out the fire by beating it with a lighter.
6. Who needs ipecac? If you mix cherry juice, salt, vinegar, mustard, soy sauce, and worcestershire sauce in a cup and drink it you will vomit within 3 minutes of consuming it.
7. Before pulling the trigger on the Windex, make sure it's not pointed at your eye.
8. Tossing a can of hairspray into a fire will result in a reeeeeeally loud BOOM.
9. Don't wear any clothing that comes off easily to Warped Tour.
10. Teachers don't like it when you try to pet their pet fish that they keep in their class room.
11. Telling the Driver's Ed. Behind-The-Wheel instructor that she's crazy, while you're driving with her, will result in you getting hit in the head with her clipboard. Hard.
12. Don't wear a thong under your spankies during cheerleading. If you do, 9 chances out of 10, the spotter will catch you at an odd angle, resulting in a VERY sharp pull on your underwear and possible bleeding.
13. Candles near curtains = bad.
14. Don't forget a CD out on your lawn. It will get in a fight with the lawnmower....and lose miserably.
15. It's pointless to explain to a 14-year-old, self-proclaimed "hardxcore punx0r" that you can in fact, enjoy the music of both Brand New AND Mad Caddies...and don't even attempt to get into the fact that someone can enjoy the music of Something Corporate. God forbid...a PIANO! Lyk3 t0tally n0t HxC!!!
16. He is Andrew W.K., and He is your friend!
17. Wearing a cheap, plastic tiara everywhere you go changes your entire outlook on life for the day.
18. The male lifeguards at Valley Fair Amusement Park only took their jobs in hopes of seeing girls fall out of their tops on the waterslides. (Which must be working for them, as it happens quite often.)
19. No matter what your mood is like, Cherry Monroe will make you tap your toes and bob your head.
20. As much as it feels like it is, your heart's not really broken. If it were truly broken, you'd be dead. Duh. :p
21. Claiming that your Dairy Queen ice cream cone tasted funny will earn you a free ice cream cone.
22. Trying 21 at the same Dairy Queen twice doesn't work very well...
23. It really is true, what they say about how giving makes you feel better than receiving.
24. Never leave your drink unguarded in a restaurant with your friends while you go to the bathroom. When you return, it will have LOTS of salt in it.
25. Skipping History to go play softball with the Freshman Phys. Ed class is totally worth catching up on a day's worth of notes.
26. Friends don't let friends mix 5 different kinds of hair dye (particularly Blood Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, and Pink) into one giant "super dye" and apply it to their hair.
27. Ketchup stains a ceiling exceptionally well.
28. Falling in love is worth any pain you may endure because of it.
29. Pumpkin-scented candles are cooler than vanilla.
30. Nothing's quite as relaxing as a bath with lavender bath salts & oils, lavender body wash, lavender lotion, and lavender pillow spray with fuzzy pajamas.
Anyways, here. Read random things I've learned.
1. Don't be fooled by the "Nestle Crunch" label. SUGAR FREE Nestle Crunch bars taste NOTHING like a Nestle Crunch bar. In fact, they taste very much like...mud-covered styrofoam.
2. Trans Ams may fly well, but they do no land well, in any case.
3. Those packets that you find in stuff that have stuff printed all over them that says "DO NOT EAT!!!" ....Yeah. Don't eat them.
4. Don't light fireworks 6 inches away from your lawn. It will move into the grass and proceed to start your lawn on fire.
5. Should you fail to heed #4 and light your lawn on fire anyway, do not attempt to put out the fire by beating it with a lighter.
6. Who needs ipecac? If you mix cherry juice, salt, vinegar, mustard, soy sauce, and worcestershire sauce in a cup and drink it you will vomit within 3 minutes of consuming it.
7. Before pulling the trigger on the Windex, make sure it's not pointed at your eye.
8. Tossing a can of hairspray into a fire will result in a reeeeeeally loud BOOM.
9. Don't wear any clothing that comes off easily to Warped Tour.
10. Teachers don't like it when you try to pet their pet fish that they keep in their class room.
11. Telling the Driver's Ed. Behind-The-Wheel instructor that she's crazy, while you're driving with her, will result in you getting hit in the head with her clipboard. Hard.
12. Don't wear a thong under your spankies during cheerleading. If you do, 9 chances out of 10, the spotter will catch you at an odd angle, resulting in a VERY sharp pull on your underwear and possible bleeding.
13. Candles near curtains = bad.
14. Don't forget a CD out on your lawn. It will get in a fight with the lawnmower....and lose miserably.
15. It's pointless to explain to a 14-year-old, self-proclaimed "hardxcore punx0r" that you can in fact, enjoy the music of both Brand New AND Mad Caddies...and don't even attempt to get into the fact that someone can enjoy the music of Something Corporate. God forbid...a PIANO! Lyk3 t0tally n0t HxC!!!
16. He is Andrew W.K., and He is your friend!
17. Wearing a cheap, plastic tiara everywhere you go changes your entire outlook on life for the day.
18. The male lifeguards at Valley Fair Amusement Park only took their jobs in hopes of seeing girls fall out of their tops on the waterslides. (Which must be working for them, as it happens quite often.)
19. No matter what your mood is like, Cherry Monroe will make you tap your toes and bob your head.
20. As much as it feels like it is, your heart's not really broken. If it were truly broken, you'd be dead. Duh. :p
21. Claiming that your Dairy Queen ice cream cone tasted funny will earn you a free ice cream cone.
22. Trying 21 at the same Dairy Queen twice doesn't work very well...
23. It really is true, what they say about how giving makes you feel better than receiving.
24. Never leave your drink unguarded in a restaurant with your friends while you go to the bathroom. When you return, it will have LOTS of salt in it.
25. Skipping History to go play softball with the Freshman Phys. Ed class is totally worth catching up on a day's worth of notes.
26. Friends don't let friends mix 5 different kinds of hair dye (particularly Blood Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, and Pink) into one giant "super dye" and apply it to their hair.
27. Ketchup stains a ceiling exceptionally well.
28. Falling in love is worth any pain you may endure because of it.
29. Pumpkin-scented candles are cooler than vanilla.
30. Nothing's quite as relaxing as a bath with lavender bath salts & oils, lavender body wash, lavender lotion, and lavender pillow spray with fuzzy pajamas.