001: THE SAME DEEP WATER AS YOU
So this is the new journal. Looking markedly more pink than it's previous incarnation as at_the_priory , it is timed to coincide with my departure to the wonderful world of Manchester. Tonight was the first time that I have doubted whether I am doing the right thing, but that's irrelevant now. It has just dawned on me how much I am leaving behind. I am very good at ignoring such things usually when I move from one place to another, and that's why today it has all crashed down on me at once.
It was because we were driving to Alton Towers to drop off my uniform via my old school route to Denstone, and I realised how often I have made "new starts." Out of all the non-family people I know, less than five people knew me before I was sixteen, and one of them was Bob, so enough said. Denstone in hindsight has made me what I am and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. That said, if I have children I am definitely sending them there, no matter where in the world I live.
I am going to miss Alton Towers even more. Jane and Rachel became surrogate parents to me and I will miss them so, so much. I'm really ashamed though because like real parents I gave them a hard time a lot of the time and they really didn't deserve it. I am definitely going to keep in touch with them and everyone else at Splash Landings though because I really do love them all.
Of course there are all the other people I am going to miss as well. So many people have had a part in shaping me. I'm especially going to miss Hayley, Sarah and Mark. Also, Hannah. I know she probably won't take notice of this, it won't surprise me if she hasn't even added me, but no matter what anybody says about her, I miss her so much from when we used to be pretty much best friends. Jay has shaped my life most of all out of anybody, seeing as without him I probably wouldn't have met half of you, dropped out of college, worked at Alton Towers, gone to Fenton or moved to Manchester. Also I wouldn't have fallen out with Hannah, but there we go... life is full of ifs and buts.
Finally the house, Cheddleton and the dog. I am going to miss Bernie so much it's untrue. I don't think Matthew realises how much affection I am going to suddenly have with nowhere to put it... he's going to become one cuddled boy! Cheddleton has only just seemed beautiful to me. I don't know whether this is because it's not officially home anymore or something else. The house is where I have grown up and the thought of having to move out terrifies me, even though over recent years the memories accompanying it have gone stale.
Tomorrow Dad has to leave as well. This really is the end of my family unit as I know it. It's the beginning of the denouement of my childhood, and like my Mum said, I'm out on my own now, and that is scary.
This isn't just me moving out for college, this is me moving out.
There are of course a lot of good elements to it as well, it is a new start, I get to be a lot closer to Matthew, and Kate is still going to be around but these elements aside it is still a daunting prospect.
Just thought I should start with a serious entry, as this is a pretty serious event in my life, and I think I have been underplaying it's importance for quite a while.
Anyhow, to quote the ineffable wisdom of Yazz:
"The only way is up, baby for you and me now"