(no subject)
i sit here thinking " why am i here?".
i fear love and rejection
ive always had both. no matter what. someone loves me then there over me. i dont understand how you could love someone and then leave them. ive never understood really why my parents left me when i was little. yeah, they were young but i mean i was there responsibility. if you couldnt take care of me then they should have gotten an abortion.
before i die i want to yell at everybody that has hurt me in any way. i want to tell them all that they fucked my head up because of them i cant love. because of them im so scared of rejection. because of them im insecure. because of them i hardly have any friends. because of them i fuck my friends over, push them away to see who will come back to me. because of them im a depressed angry child. because of them i see life as a fucked up place to be brought up in. because of them i think everybody is somehow shady.because of them i think everybody is using me. because of them ive spent half of my life crying to myself, wondering why no one loved me. .
i am: selfish, depressed, insecure, conceided, stuck up, bitchy, fdkjfksdhi9weryuihjasdbna dhsgr89yewhjbk cxcn ijk
ive always been so unhappy. i remember back in the days when i would hardly see my mom. when i do i was soo happy she would hang out with me, some how i fall asleep and i wake up looking for her, looking out in window, wondering why she left me. crying to my grandmother.
ive never knew why i was so scared of my father. whenever they left me with him alone i would start crying. i hated sleeping over his house. i hated being around him. now i know why im so scared of him...
life is so tough. sometimes you just want to say "fuck you" to whole damn world and fucking leave. you know, reading peoples livejournals, kids crying and saying " my boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me let me cut my wrists" really gets to me. i get really annoyed because i use to do that and i learn that you will find someone else. i think its fucking pathetic when KIDS do that shit because there boyfriends/girlfriends wont give them chances. you know there is more to fucking life then having someone. if you cant fucking handle a break up you wont be able to fucking handle the world. if you were happy with yourself you wouldnt fucking cut urself over your " boyfriends/girlfriends". you oviously arent ready for a relationship. you need to find yourself first.
im waiting for a call.. i dont hear anything..im here in love..putting myself out there..i will soon get my heart broken but it will be worth it..im in love and its the weirdest thing because ive never really had this feeling before..it feels good but then it hurts so much..people dont understand our relationship neither do we. yes, i lost my virginity to him on the third month. people think thats to early i dont. i felt it was right, it felt right..i hate it when people are like " you guys are in love in the 4th month, it has to be lust".. you know just because we fuck doesnt mean its lust.. our relationship has more to it..we are each others backbone..you see, he was there for me when my depression started.. you know guys would have left me but he didnt.. he hasnt left yet..he has been there for me and ive been there for him..my first love..my heart will be broken but like i said it will be worth it..
enough writing.. i know no one will read this but it doesnt matter because i dont want attention.. this is just my outlet
i fear love and rejection
ive always had both. no matter what. someone loves me then there over me. i dont understand how you could love someone and then leave them. ive never understood really why my parents left me when i was little. yeah, they were young but i mean i was there responsibility. if you couldnt take care of me then they should have gotten an abortion.
before i die i want to yell at everybody that has hurt me in any way. i want to tell them all that they fucked my head up because of them i cant love. because of them im so scared of rejection. because of them im insecure. because of them i hardly have any friends. because of them i fuck my friends over, push them away to see who will come back to me. because of them im a depressed angry child. because of them i see life as a fucked up place to be brought up in. because of them i think everybody is somehow shady.because of them i think everybody is using me. because of them ive spent half of my life crying to myself, wondering why no one loved me. .
i am: selfish, depressed, insecure, conceided, stuck up, bitchy, fdkjfksdhi9weryuihjasdbna dhsgr89yewhjbk cxcn ijk
ive always been so unhappy. i remember back in the days when i would hardly see my mom. when i do i was soo happy she would hang out with me, some how i fall asleep and i wake up looking for her, looking out in window, wondering why she left me. crying to my grandmother.
ive never knew why i was so scared of my father. whenever they left me with him alone i would start crying. i hated sleeping over his house. i hated being around him. now i know why im so scared of him...
life is so tough. sometimes you just want to say "fuck you" to whole damn world and fucking leave. you know, reading peoples livejournals, kids crying and saying " my boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me let me cut my wrists" really gets to me. i get really annoyed because i use to do that and i learn that you will find someone else. i think its fucking pathetic when KIDS do that shit because there boyfriends/girlfriends wont give them chances. you know there is more to fucking life then having someone. if you cant fucking handle a break up you wont be able to fucking handle the world. if you were happy with yourself you wouldnt fucking cut urself over your " boyfriends/girlfriends". you oviously arent ready for a relationship. you need to find yourself first.
im waiting for a call.. i dont hear anything..im here in love..putting myself out there..i will soon get my heart broken but it will be worth it..im in love and its the weirdest thing because ive never really had this feeling before..it feels good but then it hurts so much..people dont understand our relationship neither do we. yes, i lost my virginity to him on the third month. people think thats to early i dont. i felt it was right, it felt right..i hate it when people are like " you guys are in love in the 4th month, it has to be lust".. you know just because we fuck doesnt mean its lust.. our relationship has more to it..we are each others backbone..you see, he was there for me when my depression started.. you know guys would have left me but he didnt.. he hasnt left yet..he has been there for me and ive been there for him..my first love..my heart will be broken but like i said it will be worth it..
enough writing.. i know no one will read this but it doesnt matter because i dont want attention.. this is just my outlet