External Forces...
... Empower me.
I am so tired. I feel as though this summer is culminating to one moment which is now. The entire backlog of sleep that accumulated, along with ridiculously busy schedules, and practically no moments of relaxation to myself, has finally hit. And I am so tired.
I can't really find a way to describe this summer other than with the word "mess". A mix of things good, bad, and mediocre. But still a mess: goal-wise, schedule-wise, fitness-wise, philosophically, artisitcally, interpersonally. I allowed the floodgates of my mind to open, and now there is too much input. And it's barely organised... at all. Even just gathering my thoughts to write this, is difficult. And so amid all the things I learned this summer about life, my goal, people -- I now see that for any of it to be truly effective [including the cohesion of all this information], organisation must take the wheel. Basically -- I have to start writing again.
What can I say. I'm not ready for some of the changes that are about to take place EXTREMELY soon in my life, due to some last minute situation changes that are throwing me off. I was initially very excited, and now I feel under the bar. Perhaps my tiredness is throwing me off as well. Eitherway, I must find that same source of strength, immediately.
I'll have to devote several entries to summer description, because there's too much to write! There are so many interesting conversations I've had with people, especially more recently. And the bigger picture is sending very interesting messages. It's telling me to understand people more. To try to see where they're coming from, and dig into lands that are rough and soiled. The more time passes, the more I see that this makes sense to me, as a way of pursuing my goal. It is worthy as a life-long effort, and not just because it's bloody hard. But if it's one of the ways that will help people, and make them want to change: then I'll do it, and continuously refine my views and approach.
People have stories, and sitting back and listening to their entire story before judging, and at times suspending judgment altogether, has been an interesting exercise as well. But there just have to be more processing. I feel like I have become a sponge: I retain lessons and words that people express, but do not direct them to separate locations. It all just makes me a bit more sympathetic, understanding, and wiser: but in too general a sense.
At this point, what's most important is to slow down, and allow this next stage to happen. Allow for a normal life [ish. totally normal is impossible ;p] to follow, along with the normal goals I'd set for this period, without tossing too much to the backburner.
And so organised life is placed in the lead.
I am so tired. I feel as though this summer is culminating to one moment which is now. The entire backlog of sleep that accumulated, along with ridiculously busy schedules, and practically no moments of relaxation to myself, has finally hit. And I am so tired.
I can't really find a way to describe this summer other than with the word "mess". A mix of things good, bad, and mediocre. But still a mess: goal-wise, schedule-wise, fitness-wise, philosophically, artisitcally, interpersonally. I allowed the floodgates of my mind to open, and now there is too much input. And it's barely organised... at all. Even just gathering my thoughts to write this, is difficult. And so amid all the things I learned this summer about life, my goal, people -- I now see that for any of it to be truly effective [including the cohesion of all this information], organisation must take the wheel. Basically -- I have to start writing again.
What can I say. I'm not ready for some of the changes that are about to take place EXTREMELY soon in my life, due to some last minute situation changes that are throwing me off. I was initially very excited, and now I feel under the bar. Perhaps my tiredness is throwing me off as well. Eitherway, I must find that same source of strength, immediately.
I'll have to devote several entries to summer description, because there's too much to write! There are so many interesting conversations I've had with people, especially more recently. And the bigger picture is sending very interesting messages. It's telling me to understand people more. To try to see where they're coming from, and dig into lands that are rough and soiled. The more time passes, the more I see that this makes sense to me, as a way of pursuing my goal. It is worthy as a life-long effort, and not just because it's bloody hard. But if it's one of the ways that will help people, and make them want to change: then I'll do it, and continuously refine my views and approach.
People have stories, and sitting back and listening to their entire story before judging, and at times suspending judgment altogether, has been an interesting exercise as well. But there just have to be more processing. I feel like I have become a sponge: I retain lessons and words that people express, but do not direct them to separate locations. It all just makes me a bit more sympathetic, understanding, and wiser: but in too general a sense.
At this point, what's most important is to slow down, and allow this next stage to happen. Allow for a normal life [ish. totally normal is impossible ;p] to follow, along with the normal goals I'd set for this period, without tossing too much to the backburner.
And so organised life is placed in the lead.