(no subject)
Actually, the idea of hope is what hurts the most right now. Waiting for the day when things will be better, slowly changing myself into a different person in preparation for that day, and knowing that that day is going to come as soon as I get over him but nothing I do seems to help. There's a huge part of me, 70% I'd say, that doesn't want to change a thing. I guess the other 30% is the "strong" part. Fuck, whatever. It still sucks, hard.
I like my family. It was nice to see them, but I was sad to only be there for one day. I regret being such a shy young person and I wish I hadn't shut myself off to them when I was littler. Everyone in my family is such a personality. I see a lot of myself when we get together. I make all of the same little noises my grandma makes. My cousins Erin and Randi are just as loud and competitive as I am when we play board games. Uncle Clint makes the racists jokes that I pretend to ignore but secretly love. Aunt Reid is a photo nazi. Ethan, Adam and I have a sarcastic side. My grandpa is headstrong in his projects like I am.
I wonder about my family when I get older. With Jake and I grown up with kids. Hm.
I talked to Simon and he thinks he wants to be a paramedic. I think that's so cool.
I like my family. It was nice to see them, but I was sad to only be there for one day. I regret being such a shy young person and I wish I hadn't shut myself off to them when I was littler. Everyone in my family is such a personality. I see a lot of myself when we get together. I make all of the same little noises my grandma makes. My cousins Erin and Randi are just as loud and competitive as I am when we play board games. Uncle Clint makes the racists jokes that I pretend to ignore but secretly love. Aunt Reid is a photo nazi. Ethan, Adam and I have a sarcastic side. My grandpa is headstrong in his projects like I am.
I wonder about my family when I get older. With Jake and I grown up with kids. Hm.
I talked to Simon and he thinks he wants to be a paramedic. I think that's so cool.