Junk I have no where else to put
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Excuses for Homework:
· There weren't any commercials on the station I was watching.
· I gave it to a poor kid that didn't have any homework.
· Here it is, I wrote it in invisible ink.
· My dog ate it, and then my science project ate my dog.
· It was so perfect, I'm having it framed.
· It accidentally got stuck in the freezer and all of the writing froze and fell off.
· I forgot to remember.
· My parrot needed new carpeting.
· I dropped it in the street, and a car parked on it.
· Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing, and I don't want to hurt myself.
· I felt you covered the topic very thoroughly yesterday.
· I was kidnapped by aliens who kept it for further study. They gave me an "A".
· I fell into a hole in my basement.
· I was afraid I'd lose it, so I mailed it to myself.
· I squished a bug with it.
· Steven Spielberg bought it for his next movie.
· I left my brain in my locker.
· I dreamed I did it, and thought I turned it in.
· The Smithsonian Institution requested it for an exhibit.
· I was on a website called evil-licious.uk.tt looking at homework excuses, and I didn't have time to do it.
· Life's too short.
· It ran away.
· I had an excuse but i forgot.
· There wasn't any toilet paper in the bathroom so I used my homework.
· Your the best teacher in the world, may I say I like your shirt, oh and i love the way you've done your hair...I haven't done my homework... just give me an A
Some Joke:
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Another Joke:
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now some what agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Story :)
Girl: slow down your going to fast
Boy: no its fun
Girl: no its not im scared slow down
Boy: then tell me that you love me
Girl: fine I love you
moments later...
Boy: hey take off my helmet and put it on its bugging me
Girl: ok
Boy: now hug me and hang on
Girl: ok
Next day in the paper....
a couple got into a bike accident but one survived.. it was the girl.. the boy realized half way through the road his breaks failed and didn't want his girl to panic so he told his girl to tell him that she loved him and get one last hug... and gave her the helmet so that way she would live even though that meant giving up his life....
Sad Poem:
My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly. Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long. When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight. Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!" I scream But its now much too late His face had been twisted Into unimaginable hate The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor My name is Sarah I am but three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me
FREAKY!!!
a young couple living in a large house, had gone out to a dinner party one evening. The couple had left their babysitter in charge of their two children at the house. With the children already in bed, she decided to go into the living room and watch some television for a while. As she was about to get comfortable on the couch, the phone rang. As she picked up the reciever, all she heard was a man laughing menacingly, and a voice that said " I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up. Thinking it was a prank phone call or someone just trying to scare her, she slammed the receiver down and turned up the television. A few minutes later the phone rang again. As she picked it up, she could her the unmistakable laughter coming over the phone line. She then heard the man say, once again, " I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up. Getting very frightened and worried, she hung the phone up. Not knowing what to do, the babysitter calls the operator. The operator tells her that they would notify the police and, should he decided to call again, to keep him talking in order to give the police time to trace the call. Only a few minutes after she finished talking with the operator, the phone rang again. It was the voice again. After he said, "I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up," she tried to stall him by asking why he was doing this to her. However, he must have guessed what she was trying to do and he hung up the phone on her. Only seconds later the phone rang again. This time it was the operator, who said, "Get out of the house right now, we traced the call and its coming from the upstairs phone. The man is in the house with you.". The baby-sitter dropped the phone and, at the same time, heard someone running down the stairs. She fled from the house and ran straight into the arms of the police. The police burst into the house and found a man brandishing a large butcher's knife. The man had broken in through one of the windows upstairs. He murdered both of the children while they slept, and was just about to do the same to the babysitter when the police arrived
Blue Flowers
I bumped into a stranger as he passed by.
"Oh, ...excuse me, please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't even watching for you."
Oh, we were polite -- this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said our good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My daughter stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked her down.
"Move out of the way!" I said with a frown.
She walked away, her little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
Later that night wide awake in my bed,
God's still, small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy
you use, But the children you love, you seem to abuse!
Look upon the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers she brought for you,
She picked them herself -- pink, yellow and blue.
She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise,
And you never saw the tears in her eyes."
By this time, I felt very small
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by her bed;
"Wake up, sweetheart," I whispered and said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
She smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew that you'd like them -- especially the blue."
I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry how I acted to you today;
She hugged me and said "Mommy, that's okay.
You know I love you anyway."
I said, Daughter, I love you too!
And I do like the flowers -- especially the blue."
Fun stuff to do at a movie
1. Wear a top hat.
2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
3. Go, "Ooooooh....."Whenever any one kisses.
4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
5. Make noises like you passing gas and go, "Ahh...."
6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next 2 u if u can have some Juicy Fruits for u asthma.
7. During the previes, yell "Can u fast-forward it?"
8. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devoirs, say, "Watch out!"
9. Laugh very loud at all the corny jokes
10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.
11. Yell out what is going 2 happen.
12. Tell the man next 2 u that u have diarrhoea and wink while smiling
13. Wear a cape and when its your 2 get popcorn yell, "I'm batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
14. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit.
15. Say that they cannot sit next 2 u cause your invisible friend already is.
16. Yell out loud, "stop molesting me!"
Dating Rules From Dad:
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early.
Rule Five: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many oppurtunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Six: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?
Rule Seven: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient tamperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Eight: Be afraid.. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine
Cute:
10th grade: As I sat there in english class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why.
11th grade: The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why.
Senior year: The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said, has not gonna go" well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together-just as 'best friends'. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine- but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as i hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and don't know why.
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say 'i do' and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said 'you came!'. She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "...I stare at him wishing he was mine; but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me...
'I wish I did too...' I thought to myself, and I cried.
Daddy's Day
Her hair was up in a ponytail
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tel me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.
"Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart."
With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyone her years.
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not inn her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.
You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.
Tear :(
Does Heaven have a phone number? Mommy went to Heaven, but I need her here today, My tummy hurts and I fell down, I need her right away, I really need your help, operator to find her in this book? Is heaven in the yellow part, I don't know where to look. I think my daddy needs her too, at night I hear him cry. I hear him call her name sometimes, but I really don't know why. Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me. Is Heaven very far away, is it across the sea? She's been gone a long, long time she needs to come home now! I really need to reach her, but I simply don't know how. Help me find the number please, is it listed under Heaven? I can't read these big big words, I am only seven. I'm sorry operator, I didn't mean to make you cry, Is your tummy hurting too, or is there something in your eye? If I call my church maybe they will know. Mommy said when we need help that's where we should go. I found the number to my church tacked up on the wall. Thank you operator, I'll give them a call.
What woman say and really mean
WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN:
CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part
of mine, again.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
... without you in it.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.
NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
... you cheap slob!
I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.
COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.
I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.
OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
... just not in that way.
YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.
WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.
I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a
girlfriend.
I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.
OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.
OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.
I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.
10 clues a guy is about to kiss you
1. He asks you to close your eyes and think of Josh Hartnett
2. When the two of you go out to dinner, he brings along a tooth brush,
toothpaste and dental floss!
3. He's wearing so much shiny lip balm, you can see your reflection
4. He suspiciously changes the backround music from DMX to D'Angelo
5. He's dripping sweat in an air-conditioned Movie theater
6. He leans our to you and say "Give me some sugar baby!"
7. He asks what flavor of lip gloss you wear
8. He's popping menots like a madman, and them washing them
down with a tic-tac chaser
9. He's looking deep within your eyes, and saying under his breath
"ok on the count of three...."
10. He asks to kiss you, Hey we did'nt say they were all so clever!
Another Joke
A young boy went up to his father and asked him,
"dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment and said,
"go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford
for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep
with brad pit for a million dollars. Then go ask your brother if
he would sleep with tom cruise for a million dollars; come back
and tell me what u learned from that,
So the boy went to his mother and asked,
"would u sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?"
The mother replied "Of course I would I wouldn't
pass up an opportunity like that."
the boy went to his sister and asked
" would u sleep with Brad Pit for a million dollars?"
the girl replied "Would I?, would have to be nuts
to pass up that opportunity!"
The boy went to his brother and asked
"would u sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?"
The brother replied
"of course do u know how much a million dollars is?"
The boy pondered for a few days, Then went back to his dad.
His father asked him" did u find out the difference
between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied yes sir "Potentially were sitting on 3 million dollars,
but realistically were living with 2 sluts and a fag.
Some drink and drive poem:
I went to a party mom I remembered what you said You told me not to drink So I drank soda instead I felt real proud inside mom The way you said I would I didn’t drink Even though my friends said I should I know I did the right thing mom I know you’re always right Now the party is finally ending As everyone drove out of sight As I got inside my car mom I knew I’d get home in one piece Because of the way you made me So responsible and sweet I started to drive away mom As I pulled onto the road The other car didn’t see me It hit me like a loadAs I lay here on the pavement mom I hear the policeman say The other man was drunk And now I have to pay I’m lying here dying mom I wish you’d get here soon How come this happened to me My life burst like a balloon There is blood all around me mom Most of it is mine I hear the parametic say I’ll die in a very short time I just wanted to tell you mom I swear I didn’t drink It was the others The others didn’t think He didn’t know where he was going mom He was probably at the same party as i The only difference is He drank and I will die Why do people drink mom It can ruin your whole life I’m feeling sharp pains now Pains just like a knife Tell my brother not to cry mom Tell daddy to be brave When i’m up in heaven Write daddy’s baby on my grave Someone should have told him mom Not to drink and drive If only they had taken the time I would still be alive My breath is getting shorter mom I’m becoming very scared Please don’t cry for me Because when I needed you, you were always there I have one last question mom Before I say goodbye I didn’t drink So why am I to die This is the end mom I wish I could look you in the eye To say these final words I LOVE YOU AND GOODBYE
Another drink n drive poem
Near the door he paused to stand
As he took his class ring off her hand
All who were watching did not speak
As a silent tear rolled down his cheek
And through his mind the memories ran
When they walked with eachother hand-in-hand
But now her eyes were so terribly cold
For he would never again have her to hold
They watched in silence as he bent near
And whispered "I love you" in her ear
He touched her face and started to cry
As he put on his ring and wanted to die
And just then the wind began to blow
As they lowered the casket in to the snow
This is what happends to man alive
When friends let friends drink and drive
Teen Commandments
1.Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.... why wait??
2. Thou shall not do drugs.... alcohol lasts longer!
3. Thou shall not steal from K-mart.... Wal-mart has a better selection...
4. Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism.... destruction has a bigger effect...
5. Thou shall not steal from thy parents.... everyone knows that grandma has more money!
6. Thou shall not get in fights.... just start them...
7. Thou shall not skip class... .just take the whole day off
8. Thou shall not strip in class.... hooters pays more...
9. Thou shall not think about having sex.... as nike says just do it...
10. Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street.... just leave them
Ok thats all! Later folks!
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Excuses for Homework:
· There weren't any commercials on the station I was watching.
· I gave it to a poor kid that didn't have any homework.
· Here it is, I wrote it in invisible ink.
· My dog ate it, and then my science project ate my dog.
· It was so perfect, I'm having it framed.
· It accidentally got stuck in the freezer and all of the writing froze and fell off.
· I forgot to remember.
· My parrot needed new carpeting.
· I dropped it in the street, and a car parked on it.
· Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing, and I don't want to hurt myself.
· I felt you covered the topic very thoroughly yesterday.
· I was kidnapped by aliens who kept it for further study. They gave me an "A".
· I fell into a hole in my basement.
· I was afraid I'd lose it, so I mailed it to myself.
· I squished a bug with it.
· Steven Spielberg bought it for his next movie.
· I left my brain in my locker.
· I dreamed I did it, and thought I turned it in.
· The Smithsonian Institution requested it for an exhibit.
· I was on a website called evil-licious.uk.tt looking at homework excuses, and I didn't have time to do it.
· Life's too short.
· It ran away.
· I had an excuse but i forgot.
· There wasn't any toilet paper in the bathroom so I used my homework.
· Your the best teacher in the world, may I say I like your shirt, oh and i love the way you've done your hair...I haven't done my homework... just give me an A
Some Joke:
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
Another Joke:
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now some what agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his co-workers and friends. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Story :)
Girl: slow down your going to fast
Boy: no its fun
Girl: no its not im scared slow down
Boy: then tell me that you love me
Girl: fine I love you
moments later...
Boy: hey take off my helmet and put it on its bugging me
Girl: ok
Boy: now hug me and hang on
Girl: ok
Next day in the paper....
a couple got into a bike accident but one survived.. it was the girl.. the boy realized half way through the road his breaks failed and didn't want his girl to panic so he told his girl to tell him that she loved him and get one last hug... and gave her the helmet so that way she would live even though that meant giving up his life....
Sad Poem:
My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly. Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long. When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight. Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!" I scream But its now much too late His face had been twisted Into unimaginable hate The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor My name is Sarah I am but three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me
FREAKY!!!
a young couple living in a large house, had gone out to a dinner party one evening. The couple had left their babysitter in charge of their two children at the house. With the children already in bed, she decided to go into the living room and watch some television for a while. As she was about to get comfortable on the couch, the phone rang. As she picked up the reciever, all she heard was a man laughing menacingly, and a voice that said " I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up. Thinking it was a prank phone call or someone just trying to scare her, she slammed the receiver down and turned up the television. A few minutes later the phone rang again. As she picked it up, she could her the unmistakable laughter coming over the phone line. She then heard the man say, once again, " I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up. Getting very frightened and worried, she hung the phone up. Not knowing what to do, the babysitter calls the operator. The operator tells her that they would notify the police and, should he decided to call again, to keep him talking in order to give the police time to trace the call. Only a few minutes after she finished talking with the operator, the phone rang again. It was the voice again. After he said, "I'm upstairs with the children, you'd better come up," she tried to stall him by asking why he was doing this to her. However, he must have guessed what she was trying to do and he hung up the phone on her. Only seconds later the phone rang again. This time it was the operator, who said, "Get out of the house right now, we traced the call and its coming from the upstairs phone. The man is in the house with you.". The baby-sitter dropped the phone and, at the same time, heard someone running down the stairs. She fled from the house and ran straight into the arms of the police. The police burst into the house and found a man brandishing a large butcher's knife. The man had broken in through one of the windows upstairs. He murdered both of the children while they slept, and was just about to do the same to the babysitter when the police arrived
Blue Flowers
I bumped into a stranger as he passed by.
"Oh, ...excuse me, please" was my reply.
He said, "Please excuse me too;
I wasn't even watching for you."
Oh, we were polite -- this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said our good-bye.
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My daughter stood beside me very still.
When I turned, I nearly knocked her down.
"Move out of the way!" I said with a frown.
She walked away, her little heart broken.
I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
Later that night wide awake in my bed,
God's still, small voice came to me and said,
"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy
you use, But the children you love, you seem to abuse!
Look upon the kitchen floor,
You'll find some flowers there by the door.
Those are the flowers she brought for you,
She picked them herself -- pink, yellow and blue.
She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise,
And you never saw the tears in her eyes."
By this time, I felt very small
And now my tears began to fall.
I quietly went and knelt by her bed;
"Wake up, sweetheart," I whispered and said.
"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"
She smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.
I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.
I knew that you'd like them -- especially the blue."
I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry how I acted to you today;
She hugged me and said "Mommy, that's okay.
You know I love you anyway."
I said, Daughter, I love you too!
And I do like the flowers -- especially the blue."
Fun stuff to do at a movie
1. Wear a top hat.
2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
3. Go, "Ooooooh....."Whenever any one kisses.
4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
5. Make noises like you passing gas and go, "Ahh...."
6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next 2 u if u can have some Juicy Fruits for u asthma.
7. During the previes, yell "Can u fast-forward it?"
8. Whenever the bad guy is doing something devoirs, say, "Watch out!"
9. Laugh very loud at all the corny jokes
10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.
11. Yell out what is going 2 happen.
12. Tell the man next 2 u that u have diarrhoea and wink while smiling
13. Wear a cape and when its your 2 get popcorn yell, "I'm batman! Hahaha!" and run away.
14. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit.
15. Say that they cannot sit next 2 u cause your invisible friend already is.
16. Yell out loud, "stop molesting me!"
Dating Rules From Dad:
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: early.
Rule Five: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many oppurtunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Six: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?
Rule Seven: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient tamperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Eight: Be afraid.. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine
Cute:
10th grade: As I sat there in english class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before. I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why.
11th grade: The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I dont know why.
Senior year: The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said, has not gonna go" well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together-just as 'best friends'. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said- "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine- but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as i hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said- 'you're my best friend, thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and don't know why.
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say 'i do' and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said 'you came!'. She said 'thanks' and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I dont want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my 'best friend'. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: "...I stare at him wishing he was mine; but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me...
'I wish I did too...' I thought to myself, and I cried.
Daddy's Day
Her hair was up in a ponytail
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tel me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.
"Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart."
With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyone her years.
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not inn her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.
You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.
Tear :(
Does Heaven have a phone number? Mommy went to Heaven, but I need her here today, My tummy hurts and I fell down, I need her right away, I really need your help, operator to find her in this book? Is heaven in the yellow part, I don't know where to look. I think my daddy needs her too, at night I hear him cry. I hear him call her name sometimes, but I really don't know why. Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me. Is Heaven very far away, is it across the sea? She's been gone a long, long time she needs to come home now! I really need to reach her, but I simply don't know how. Help me find the number please, is it listed under Heaven? I can't read these big big words, I am only seven. I'm sorry operator, I didn't mean to make you cry, Is your tummy hurting too, or is there something in your eye? If I call my church maybe they will know. Mommy said when we need help that's where we should go. I found the number to my church tacked up on the wall. Thank you operator, I'll give them a call.
What woman say and really mean
WHAT WOMEN SAY & REALLY MEAN:
CAN'T WE JUST BE FRIENDS?
There is no way in hell I'm going to let any part of your body touch any part
of mine, again.
I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
... without you in it.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven't had a fight in a while.
NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
... you cheap slob!
I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.
I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can't believe you have nothing planned.
COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.
I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don't like you.
OF COURSE I LOVE YOU.
... just not in that way.
YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.
WE'RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY.
I'm not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a
girlfriend.
I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.
OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.
OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.
I'M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We're gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.
10 clues a guy is about to kiss you
1. He asks you to close your eyes and think of Josh Hartnett
2. When the two of you go out to dinner, he brings along a tooth brush,
toothpaste and dental floss!
3. He's wearing so much shiny lip balm, you can see your reflection
4. He suspiciously changes the backround music from DMX to D'Angelo
5. He's dripping sweat in an air-conditioned Movie theater
6. He leans our to you and say "Give me some sugar baby!"
7. He asks what flavor of lip gloss you wear
8. He's popping menots like a madman, and them washing them
down with a tic-tac chaser
9. He's looking deep within your eyes, and saying under his breath
"ok on the count of three...."
10. He asks to kiss you, Hey we did'nt say they were all so clever!
Another Joke
A young boy went up to his father and asked him,
"dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"
The father thought for a moment and said,
"go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford
for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep
with brad pit for a million dollars. Then go ask your brother if
he would sleep with tom cruise for a million dollars; come back
and tell me what u learned from that,
So the boy went to his mother and asked,
"would u sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?"
The mother replied "Of course I would I wouldn't
pass up an opportunity like that."
the boy went to his sister and asked
" would u sleep with Brad Pit for a million dollars?"
the girl replied "Would I?, would have to be nuts
to pass up that opportunity!"
The boy went to his brother and asked
"would u sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?"
The brother replied
"of course do u know how much a million dollars is?"
The boy pondered for a few days, Then went back to his dad.
His father asked him" did u find out the difference
between potentially and realistically?"
The boy replied yes sir "Potentially were sitting on 3 million dollars,
but realistically were living with 2 sluts and a fag.
Some drink and drive poem:
I went to a party mom I remembered what you said You told me not to drink So I drank soda instead I felt real proud inside mom The way you said I would I didn’t drink Even though my friends said I should I know I did the right thing mom I know you’re always right Now the party is finally ending As everyone drove out of sight As I got inside my car mom I knew I’d get home in one piece Because of the way you made me So responsible and sweet I started to drive away mom As I pulled onto the road The other car didn’t see me It hit me like a loadAs I lay here on the pavement mom I hear the policeman say The other man was drunk And now I have to pay I’m lying here dying mom I wish you’d get here soon How come this happened to me My life burst like a balloon There is blood all around me mom Most of it is mine I hear the parametic say I’ll die in a very short time I just wanted to tell you mom I swear I didn’t drink It was the others The others didn’t think He didn’t know where he was going mom He was probably at the same party as i The only difference is He drank and I will die Why do people drink mom It can ruin your whole life I’m feeling sharp pains now Pains just like a knife Tell my brother not to cry mom Tell daddy to be brave When i’m up in heaven Write daddy’s baby on my grave Someone should have told him mom Not to drink and drive If only they had taken the time I would still be alive My breath is getting shorter mom I’m becoming very scared Please don’t cry for me Because when I needed you, you were always there I have one last question mom Before I say goodbye I didn’t drink So why am I to die This is the end mom I wish I could look you in the eye To say these final words I LOVE YOU AND GOODBYE
Another drink n drive poem
Near the door he paused to stand
As he took his class ring off her hand
All who were watching did not speak
As a silent tear rolled down his cheek
And through his mind the memories ran
When they walked with eachother hand-in-hand
But now her eyes were so terribly cold
For he would never again have her to hold
They watched in silence as he bent near
And whispered "I love you" in her ear
He touched her face and started to cry
As he put on his ring and wanted to die
And just then the wind began to blow
As they lowered the casket in to the snow
This is what happends to man alive
When friends let friends drink and drive
Teen Commandments
1.Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.... why wait??
2. Thou shall not do drugs.... alcohol lasts longer!
3. Thou shall not steal from K-mart.... Wal-mart has a better selection...
4. Thou shall not get arrested for vandalism.... destruction has a bigger effect...
5. Thou shall not steal from thy parents.... everyone knows that grandma has more money!
6. Thou shall not get in fights.... just start them...
7. Thou shall not skip class... .just take the whole day off
8. Thou shall not strip in class.... hooters pays more...
9. Thou shall not think about having sex.... as nike says just do it...
10. Thou shall not help old ladies cross the street.... just leave them
Ok thats all! Later folks!