(no subject)
so i went to the cabin yesterday and spent the night there. thought it would be a nice family get together. hah. just wonderful. anyway, i decided to escape the madness and take a walk. amazing how in the poconos you can walk for less than a mile and be completely lost in the woods. i just sat. sat there and looked around[now that i can actually SEE cause i got glasses] wrote, and thought a lot. all about the same thing. it was nice not to have to deal with anyone else telling me what to think, just really think about how i feel about everything. i realized how lucky i am. i have an extremely privleged lifestyle. so why am i always striving for more? and i don;t know i guess i thought my family would always be together, but i guess everything falls apart..right?but things really cant get any worse, and i'm okay. once this year is over, things will go back to being fine. once someone moves somewhere, hopefully ill stay around here. then i can focus on getting better. my health is second priority now, isn't that aweful? yes it is. i hear about what a slut he is , and it phases me for about 5 minutes. and then its like...i forgive him. WHY though. why would i want someone like that in my life i obviously was just another one of his things. fuck birth control, and fuck him. and fuck my parents and fuck my heart. before any of that i never used to cry.i feel like now im always an emotional rollercoaster. anyway... i also stopped my diet, my mother cant tell me what to do. wow this is such an emo entry. whatever. jakes home. laura and nat come home in a few weeks- we'll see the hell that comes with that. maybe ill throw myself at him again this week and we can hang out ? hah. no way, things have changed. i cant let myself get all hung up on him........anymore. yeah i have OC to watch. i like the OC a lot. i used to not watch it becuase all the guys called me marissa because me and mischa barton "look a like" and i dont like looking like peopel...but i love her. we have a lot in common. watching the show is like a how to guide for me. episore nummmba 25 here i come[i started yesterday ahahaha]