(no subject)
well, here we go.i've wanted to say this to someone for a long time and i dont want sympathy so ill just say it to no one..
i really think that i deserve something that will make me genuinley smile. i know i live a very privledged life, i know. but these last few months have been really hard on me. yeah i try making jokes about it, but i guess thats just my way of keeping from crying, laughing. if you think this is just a boy and are chuckling then you can shut up, because its not. its hard to have to walk around school with a fucking heart moniter. its hard to have people stop you everyday to ask what it is. and it sucks to be allergic to the tape that sticks the wires to me. and i dont want to take anymore pills. or cremes. or buffers. i just want to be a normal kid. and what i want even more, is to have my best friend look at me and tell me that its going to be okay. yeah she tells me, but i cant see her. and i love her so much and i miss her even more. give it to me to have the absolute worst timing. i hate that sometimes im more worried about my boy troubles than my health. however, i have been such a trooper through all of this. and if you think im conceited for saying that then go ahead. but id liek you to try doing it while smiling the whole time and then get back to me. hospital visits, always in the nurses office. dont we have technology? cant they fucking figure it out? well. i thought that i was actually earning something back. but again, i shouldnt get my hopes up. yeah emma shut up stop complaining. the end.
what is a bed, afterall?
somewhere you sleep
the keeper of your secrets
dreams, late night rendezvous
catches your tears--as your pillow is a silent victim to your violence.
a place you step onto&know you're in your own place, but only a few feet off the ground.