(no subject)
Things seem to be slipping away from me right now. My money, my friends. James and I had a really stupid arguement last night. We fixed it. What isn't fixed is that the both of us are broke, and it's putting a lot of stress on us. Especially him. I can survive being broke but I think he's used to having decent money. I am not. It's putting a strain on us too, because right now I am the one who has the money, and he is the one who needs the money, but I really don't have much. I can only do so much for him and for myself at the same time. The amount I have is enough for me, but not for the two of us.
I haven't seen my friends in a while. They all work days and I work nights. It seems like I never get a break. They all have money, I don't. They all have nice new cars, I don't. They have a huge support system from their parents, I don't. My parents love me and provide me with food and shelter but they don't give me spending money, they won't pay off my debts for me. They won't just give me a handout, or pay for my oil changes. My other friends they have all of that stuff. I'm so jealous, it really bothers me and I can't help being jealous. I ALWAYS struggle. They don't. They eat out at fancy restaurants, and I pretend that I can't go because I don't feel good, when in reality I am TOO BROKE to go. I just want to make it like they do. Melanie (my best friend) makes a lot of money (she gets commission) and her parents gave her a gas card, he mom paid off her debts for her, and they fix her car when she needs it. They pay her insurance too. I'm just so jealous of it. She lives on her own and pays about 500/month for her apartment and STILL more than makes it. That leads me to another problem.
I never see her anymore. She's stuck with some guy who treats her like shit, but she'll drive out to Federal Way from Wedgewood (that's a good, oh, 30 minutes) to see him, and she plays this computer game with him, but it seems like whenever I invite her to go somewhere with me or my friends, she never wants to make the drive (I live closer to her than her man) or she never wants to for some reason or another. It's just like I'm slowly being cut off. It sucks. She hangs out with other people, her roommate, some other chick from high school (who lies all the time!) because they make the drive out there. I can't, shit, I have no gas. I barely make it to and from work. I just wish she would come down here every once in a while so i'd feel more worth it. Like I've been writing in my other diary, I don't know whether to take this as a hint or not. I'll just stop and see what happens. It seems like she only keeps people in her life that hurt her or dont treat her well, just judging by the company she keeps.
Well I had better get ready for my day. Working 6:00-10:45 tonight, again. Same with tomorrow.
I haven't seen my friends in a while. They all work days and I work nights. It seems like I never get a break. They all have money, I don't. They all have nice new cars, I don't. They have a huge support system from their parents, I don't. My parents love me and provide me with food and shelter but they don't give me spending money, they won't pay off my debts for me. They won't just give me a handout, or pay for my oil changes. My other friends they have all of that stuff. I'm so jealous, it really bothers me and I can't help being jealous. I ALWAYS struggle. They don't. They eat out at fancy restaurants, and I pretend that I can't go because I don't feel good, when in reality I am TOO BROKE to go. I just want to make it like they do. Melanie (my best friend) makes a lot of money (she gets commission) and her parents gave her a gas card, he mom paid off her debts for her, and they fix her car when she needs it. They pay her insurance too. I'm just so jealous of it. She lives on her own and pays about 500/month for her apartment and STILL more than makes it. That leads me to another problem.
I never see her anymore. She's stuck with some guy who treats her like shit, but she'll drive out to Federal Way from Wedgewood (that's a good, oh, 30 minutes) to see him, and she plays this computer game with him, but it seems like whenever I invite her to go somewhere with me or my friends, she never wants to make the drive (I live closer to her than her man) or she never wants to for some reason or another. It's just like I'm slowly being cut off. It sucks. She hangs out with other people, her roommate, some other chick from high school (who lies all the time!) because they make the drive out there. I can't, shit, I have no gas. I barely make it to and from work. I just wish she would come down here every once in a while so i'd feel more worth it. Like I've been writing in my other diary, I don't know whether to take this as a hint or not. I'll just stop and see what happens. It seems like she only keeps people in her life that hurt her or dont treat her well, just judging by the company she keeps.
Well I had better get ready for my day. Working 6:00-10:45 tonight, again. Same with tomorrow.