(no subject)
Ever feel like you have a million things to say all at once? Yet.. when the time comes to present these thoughts your mind suddenly goes blank? My mind is constantly flowing with negativity lately... and when I try to express my thoughts I simply can't do it. Not to him at least.
No one reads this anymore... so I figure I can say whatever I want, right?
The certain someone in my life I've been surrounding myself with for the past 9 months STILL has yet to make me his girlfriend. Everyone's first thought: WHY?!?!... I only wish I could tell you... I've been nothing but good to him and he still doesn't want to make it "official" or whatever. I don't really know what to do at this point. I've tried and tried and tried to make it work but he won't even be my friend on facebook. Am I a secret? I ask him this and he tells me no... but I still feel I am. I don't know what to do. I don't even know who I can trust, if anyone. I'm lost in this fuck fest and don't know what to do with myself. I fell in love with him gradually and last week was when I hit rock bottom because of it. I hate it. It tears me to pieces. I hate the fact that I'm not being treated the way I want to be treated. So the obvious answer to that.... LEAVE. Well, I've tried. And I can't seem to do it. I've tried several several times and I think he knows I don't have what it takes to completely bail out. But at the same time, I don't know if he would truly care if I left and never spoke to him again. I don't know... I'm at a loss... I lose if I leave him and I lose if I'm with him because I'm not getting the full satisfaction I want or deserve. So what the fuck do I do? Do I continue suffering through whatever it is that we have put ourselves in? Or do I say fuck it and leave? I don't know what to do anymore.... I'm so over all of the fighting and the bullshit.
I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.
No one reads this anymore... so I figure I can say whatever I want, right?
The certain someone in my life I've been surrounding myself with for the past 9 months STILL has yet to make me his girlfriend. Everyone's first thought: WHY?!?!... I only wish I could tell you... I've been nothing but good to him and he still doesn't want to make it "official" or whatever. I don't really know what to do at this point. I've tried and tried and tried to make it work but he won't even be my friend on facebook. Am I a secret? I ask him this and he tells me no... but I still feel I am. I don't know what to do. I don't even know who I can trust, if anyone. I'm lost in this fuck fest and don't know what to do with myself. I fell in love with him gradually and last week was when I hit rock bottom because of it. I hate it. It tears me to pieces. I hate the fact that I'm not being treated the way I want to be treated. So the obvious answer to that.... LEAVE. Well, I've tried. And I can't seem to do it. I've tried several several times and I think he knows I don't have what it takes to completely bail out. But at the same time, I don't know if he would truly care if I left and never spoke to him again. I don't know... I'm at a loss... I lose if I leave him and I lose if I'm with him because I'm not getting the full satisfaction I want or deserve. So what the fuck do I do? Do I continue suffering through whatever it is that we have put ourselves in? Or do I say fuck it and leave? I don't know what to do anymore.... I'm so over all of the fighting and the bullshit.
I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED.