March 2, 2006
I feel. A whole lot better now.
I think perhaps I just needed to be heard, and it helped greatly to know that there were people willing to listen and help in what ever way they could. Thank you, everyone.
I love this man. I will stand by his side, and like a friend I will do what ever I can to help him, because as of now I'm more than a friend.
I was selfish, wanting all those things. It wouldn't be fair to Brady, wouldn't be fair to my future self.
I won't regret this either-- life isn't about regrets! I must live my life to the fullest, taking what is given to me and use all of my knowledge and hope for the best. I hope for the best. I pray for the best. I am nothing without my hope.
"The heart may freeze or it can burn, the pain will ease if I can learn... I can't control my destiny, I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love, or live in fear. No other path, no other way."
Ah Rent... I loved that musical growing up. Hey Mi-chan, I still have the answering machine song memorized. x3
I bought Rent on DVD, I can say I've never seen the Broadway version but I did listen to the Broadway soundtrack over fifty times during Jr High. So yea, it's like I've seen the musical anyways. lol
The movie is awesome. Go see it, right now. >) Go!
I'm still a little shaken from the other day, so my moods and feelings are mixed at the moment. I want to be happy because I've reached an epiphany in my mind and relationship, but I want to still morn at what Brady is going to have to go through to stay with me. No, no I'm not going to go on a break. But I'm going to be firmer on my expectations for him-- I want him to get a job before we move in together, I want him make a goal for schooling (like at least a semester goal? At the very least??), I want him to apply for the apartment, arrange the meetings with the manager and do all that by himself. I hate not having control in the situation but in a sense, I kind of do, if that makes any sense. *shrugs*
I want him to put forth some real effort and not just words of how he's going to get his licence. I want him to make a plan to talk to Richard to get US a car, not ME, not HIM, US. We're a team, and I know he's contributed a lot in our lives, but we honestly can't rely on my zombie geo for much longer.
I'm debating if I should tell him my expectations, or if I should just see if he can bloom without me having to water him... if he can learn to soak up the rain instead.
Want to hear irony?
I studied my butt off for a math test, got a 78% on it.
I didn't study at all for my psychology test, got an 83%.
GO FIGURES. *snickers*
Oh, bad news.
My GrandPapa? Whose been in the hospital cause of strokes? He came home, but he can't be left alone... he refuses to take care of himself (eating, medication, bathing, etc) and he's obtained a case of dementia in the process. Dementia is a milder case of Alzheimer's.
Mum has been up in Portland for the past few weeks taking care of him, but she can't stay there forever, in fact she came home yesterday with Dad-- Uncle Ron is watching him now. They looked into getting him a full time nurse, but apparently it'll cost around $10,000 a month... can't afford that. Nor can we have one of our family members around him 24/7. Mum and Dad really want to put him in a home, simply because it'd be best. But Uncle Ron doesn't want to... on the other hand, Uncle Ron hasn't been staying with GrandPapa for the past few weeks and doesn't understand the severity of the situation. He's staying with him now, so perhaps he'll learn... but until then...
So where am I going with all this other than venting? Well, for Spring Break I was going to go to Vegas with Nick and Brady to go see GrandMama and Izzy. But I can't now. I'm sorry Liz, I really sincerely have to go see my GrandPapa... I know I just saw him at Christmas, but things have changed, and aren't looking good.
I've already bought tickets, yes, plural. Brady is coming with me, I want one more approval from GrandPapa even if it's not a very coherent one... and I want him to meet my Aunt and Uncle and cousin. I hope they like him too.
Joe, my brother, is letting us stay at his place. He said he'd also give us a tour of the community college up in Portland. Which Brady will be going to, in my case I will be transferring to either the University of Portland, or to Portland State, or lastly to Pacific University. Still debating on all that. But yea, we're going to do a mini college tour.
I'm sorry Izzy, but we're going to have to postpone our date. ._. School gets out on May 18th, so I'll start making plans and ideas for some time in June, all right babe? We'll figure this all out... and since school won't be in session it'll be a little more flexible. *latches* Gomen nasai love.
I'm tired, but I'm not. I'm happy yet... I dunno, it's not sad and it's not angry, it's just weird. I wouldn't say apathetic, because it doesn't feel like an emotion...
Maybe I am tired.
Math homework will make it that for sure. Better go work on that then.
*looks down* For once, I think I agree.
See you.
How You Life Your Life
You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.
You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.
How Do You Live Your Life?
I think perhaps I just needed to be heard, and it helped greatly to know that there were people willing to listen and help in what ever way they could. Thank you, everyone.
I love this man. I will stand by his side, and like a friend I will do what ever I can to help him, because as of now I'm more than a friend.
I was selfish, wanting all those things. It wouldn't be fair to Brady, wouldn't be fair to my future self.
I won't regret this either-- life isn't about regrets! I must live my life to the fullest, taking what is given to me and use all of my knowledge and hope for the best. I hope for the best. I pray for the best. I am nothing without my hope.
"The heart may freeze or it can burn, the pain will ease if I can learn... I can't control my destiny, I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love, or live in fear. No other path, no other way."
Ah Rent... I loved that musical growing up. Hey Mi-chan, I still have the answering machine song memorized. x3
I bought Rent on DVD, I can say I've never seen the Broadway version but I did listen to the Broadway soundtrack over fifty times during Jr High. So yea, it's like I've seen the musical anyways. lol
The movie is awesome. Go see it, right now. >) Go!
I'm still a little shaken from the other day, so my moods and feelings are mixed at the moment. I want to be happy because I've reached an epiphany in my mind and relationship, but I want to still morn at what Brady is going to have to go through to stay with me. No, no I'm not going to go on a break. But I'm going to be firmer on my expectations for him-- I want him to get a job before we move in together, I want him make a goal for schooling (like at least a semester goal? At the very least??), I want him to apply for the apartment, arrange the meetings with the manager and do all that by himself. I hate not having control in the situation but in a sense, I kind of do, if that makes any sense. *shrugs*
I want him to put forth some real effort and not just words of how he's going to get his licence. I want him to make a plan to talk to Richard to get US a car, not ME, not HIM, US. We're a team, and I know he's contributed a lot in our lives, but we honestly can't rely on my zombie geo for much longer.
I'm debating if I should tell him my expectations, or if I should just see if he can bloom without me having to water him... if he can learn to soak up the rain instead.
Want to hear irony?
I studied my butt off for a math test, got a 78% on it.
I didn't study at all for my psychology test, got an 83%.
GO FIGURES. *snickers*
Oh, bad news.
My GrandPapa? Whose been in the hospital cause of strokes? He came home, but he can't be left alone... he refuses to take care of himself (eating, medication, bathing, etc) and he's obtained a case of dementia in the process. Dementia is a milder case of Alzheimer's.
Mum has been up in Portland for the past few weeks taking care of him, but she can't stay there forever, in fact she came home yesterday with Dad-- Uncle Ron is watching him now. They looked into getting him a full time nurse, but apparently it'll cost around $10,000 a month... can't afford that. Nor can we have one of our family members around him 24/7. Mum and Dad really want to put him in a home, simply because it'd be best. But Uncle Ron doesn't want to... on the other hand, Uncle Ron hasn't been staying with GrandPapa for the past few weeks and doesn't understand the severity of the situation. He's staying with him now, so perhaps he'll learn... but until then...
So where am I going with all this other than venting? Well, for Spring Break I was going to go to Vegas with Nick and Brady to go see GrandMama and Izzy. But I can't now. I'm sorry Liz, I really sincerely have to go see my GrandPapa... I know I just saw him at Christmas, but things have changed, and aren't looking good.
I've already bought tickets, yes, plural. Brady is coming with me, I want one more approval from GrandPapa even if it's not a very coherent one... and I want him to meet my Aunt and Uncle and cousin. I hope they like him too.
Joe, my brother, is letting us stay at his place. He said he'd also give us a tour of the community college up in Portland. Which Brady will be going to, in my case I will be transferring to either the University of Portland, or to Portland State, or lastly to Pacific University. Still debating on all that. But yea, we're going to do a mini college tour.
I'm sorry Izzy, but we're going to have to postpone our date. ._. School gets out on May 18th, so I'll start making plans and ideas for some time in June, all right babe? We'll figure this all out... and since school won't be in session it'll be a little more flexible. *latches* Gomen nasai love.
I'm tired, but I'm not. I'm happy yet... I dunno, it's not sad and it's not angry, it's just weird. I wouldn't say apathetic, because it doesn't feel like an emotion...
Maybe I am tired.
Math homework will make it that for sure. Better go work on that then.
*looks down* For once, I think I agree.
See you.
How You Life Your Life
You tend to deprive yourself of things you crave, for your own good.
You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.
You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.
You tend to always dream of things within reach - and you usually get them.
How Do You Live Your Life?