mike
i had a dream last. it was about mike. i dreamt that he was still @ lachsa, with me. we were talking and laughing and for the first time since he left, i seemed genuinly (?) happy. then his mom came in and everything got black. the next thing i new he was telling me that he was leaving and he loved me. then he was gone. i was standing in pitch black, all alone. i woke up to find tears streaming down my face and my pillow wet w/ my tears.
ever since mike left ive been in a fake happyness. i no this sounds dramatic but hear me out. i dont trust anyone, no one. trusting people only leads to getting hurt. im fake w/ everyone cuz i dont want people to get to no me or get to close. im big enough to admit this becuz its true. i dont trust anyone at lachsa, not even my best friend. im not myself with anyone at lachsa, not even my best friend. but everything was different with mike. i trusted him with all my heart and i was completely myself with him. but, like always, i got to close, to real, with him and now im still hurting so bad.
do you no wat its like to not have anyone to trust? not have anyone to be real with? to be fake to everyone cuz your afraid of getting hurt? its hard and lonely, yet its the only way to save myself from all the pain im already going through. im not trying to sound like a drama queen, but i have to get all this out someplace.
Mike, if you ever read this, i need to no that you're ok. i need to no that you're happy. if you cant be happy for yourself, be happy for me. thats all i need to no is that your happy. as soon as i no that, i can be happy and not have this horrible pain on my chest. i love you and i always will. i dont mean to sound like you're gone from this earth becuz i no ur not, but in a way i feel like your gone from my life, its the worst feeling ive ever felt, ever. you've made such a difference in everyone's lives. mine, steven, ari, jess (lol), everyone. i culd say that i wish i never met you so i wouldnt be feeling this way, but i cant becuz then i wuldnt have changed the way i did. u made me stronger, u actually believed in me. no one else ever has. ur such an amazing person and im grateful for the time we had together and i really hope ur parents do decide to let u come back. i love u.
i no every1 may think im a drama queen now but remember this: if u had to be fake with every1 and had no one to trust, wuldnt u feel this way?
ever since mike left ive been in a fake happyness. i no this sounds dramatic but hear me out. i dont trust anyone, no one. trusting people only leads to getting hurt. im fake w/ everyone cuz i dont want people to get to no me or get to close. im big enough to admit this becuz its true. i dont trust anyone at lachsa, not even my best friend. im not myself with anyone at lachsa, not even my best friend. but everything was different with mike. i trusted him with all my heart and i was completely myself with him. but, like always, i got to close, to real, with him and now im still hurting so bad.
do you no wat its like to not have anyone to trust? not have anyone to be real with? to be fake to everyone cuz your afraid of getting hurt? its hard and lonely, yet its the only way to save myself from all the pain im already going through. im not trying to sound like a drama queen, but i have to get all this out someplace.
Mike, if you ever read this, i need to no that you're ok. i need to no that you're happy. if you cant be happy for yourself, be happy for me. thats all i need to no is that your happy. as soon as i no that, i can be happy and not have this horrible pain on my chest. i love you and i always will. i dont mean to sound like you're gone from this earth becuz i no ur not, but in a way i feel like your gone from my life, its the worst feeling ive ever felt, ever. you've made such a difference in everyone's lives. mine, steven, ari, jess (lol), everyone. i culd say that i wish i never met you so i wouldnt be feeling this way, but i cant becuz then i wuldnt have changed the way i did. u made me stronger, u actually believed in me. no one else ever has. ur such an amazing person and im grateful for the time we had together and i really hope ur parents do decide to let u come back. i love u.
i no every1 may think im a drama queen now but remember this: if u had to be fake with every1 and had no one to trust, wuldnt u feel this way?