unbendable steel bends, if the furry of the wind is unstoppable.
oh boy... so i felt like it was time for a good livejournal entry since i just need to get some stuff off my mind.
first.. just so you know.. i'm not a psyco. i switched birth control pills again *no, i dont take them for that.* and so these ones make me like super emotional.. not moody; emotional.
so today i went to the doctor to get my joints checked out, right? well this one said he thinks it has to do with the food i eat.. so he put me on a non-dairy diet! which means no chocolate, not mashed potatoes, no pudding, yogurt... pretty much nothing good and tasty. he gave me a list of stuff i cant eat.. you'd be surprised how many things have milk in them. so then he made me go get my blood drawn again today.. and they're testing me to see if i'm allergic to all types of food.. such as chocolate. dang, how much would that suck!?
yeah.. so the lady went to draw my blood.. and all of a sudden i hear her say "oh man, this is an on and off vein" and she kept flicking my needle so that the blood would keep flowing! ahh it hurt so bad every time. ouch! :( so that made me sad.. and then i drank my last starbucks for a month.. or possibly my whole life today. yeppp.. oh but i swam in swim today!
it was exciting! haha.. man i'm out of shape again.. but i still swim faster than a lot of people in my lane. so i talked to my coach and he said i probably wont be put in the first meet since i was out all last week.. because i have to think if i'm "hurting" the team or not.. which is gay, because i'm a good swimmer. so i'm moving back up to lane 3 so that the other coach might put me in the meet.. since she likes my backstroke and that's what i was always in last year. ughh, so swim sucks right now.
so then i came home and my sister wouldnt let me on the computer.. and took my CD's to put on her iPod.. which is why she wouldnt let me get on.. because she was downloading my CD's on there! ugh.. so i cried. which would totally be the pills working right there.. not me.. because normally i wouldnt cry about that.
then i got online and talked to casey about stuff. and then when he got off i re-read the conversation and started crying. yeah.. which may or may not have happened because of the pills. i dunno.. like he was like "did you cry a lot while we were going out?" and i was like.. not really, i mean when my parents would yell at me or something.. and he was like "i made you happy?" and i was like yes sir. then he was like "somedayyy my friend" and i was like someday what? someday i'll stop crying myself to sleep every night? hopefully.. and he was like "you know what i mean" and i was like... not quite. and he was like well someday you will. ughh...
i want him now. i dont want to have to wait until "someday" because that hurts... i mean i still have just as strong of emotions for him as i did while we were dating. and it hurts so bad to see him with another girl.. that sucks more than anything in the world. but like.. gosh, i cant do anything to jeapordize their relationship.. because i just wouldnt be able to make myself do that.. i guess i care about how he feels too much. i just.. gosh, cant get over him.. i've tried soo hard. i like cry myself to sleep like every night.. and we've been broken up for like over a month. i've tried to hide how i feel for so long.. and it's hard to talk to my friends about it beacuse they all say i can "do better" and i should "just get over him" but they dont understand that i cant find better.. i dont want to try.. and i cant get over him just like that. i dunno, maybe i'm just over-reacting about it because of my pills.. who knows. i just needed to get everything out in a good ol livejournal post..
so comment if you want to..
first.. just so you know.. i'm not a psyco. i switched birth control pills again *no, i dont take them for that.* and so these ones make me like super emotional.. not moody; emotional.
so today i went to the doctor to get my joints checked out, right? well this one said he thinks it has to do with the food i eat.. so he put me on a non-dairy diet! which means no chocolate, not mashed potatoes, no pudding, yogurt... pretty much nothing good and tasty. he gave me a list of stuff i cant eat.. you'd be surprised how many things have milk in them. so then he made me go get my blood drawn again today.. and they're testing me to see if i'm allergic to all types of food.. such as chocolate. dang, how much would that suck!?
yeah.. so the lady went to draw my blood.. and all of a sudden i hear her say "oh man, this is an on and off vein" and she kept flicking my needle so that the blood would keep flowing! ahh it hurt so bad every time. ouch! :( so that made me sad.. and then i drank my last starbucks for a month.. or possibly my whole life today. yeppp.. oh but i swam in swim today!
it was exciting! haha.. man i'm out of shape again.. but i still swim faster than a lot of people in my lane. so i talked to my coach and he said i probably wont be put in the first meet since i was out all last week.. because i have to think if i'm "hurting" the team or not.. which is gay, because i'm a good swimmer. so i'm moving back up to lane 3 so that the other coach might put me in the meet.. since she likes my backstroke and that's what i was always in last year. ughh, so swim sucks right now.
so then i came home and my sister wouldnt let me on the computer.. and took my CD's to put on her iPod.. which is why she wouldnt let me get on.. because she was downloading my CD's on there! ugh.. so i cried. which would totally be the pills working right there.. not me.. because normally i wouldnt cry about that.
then i got online and talked to casey about stuff. and then when he got off i re-read the conversation and started crying. yeah.. which may or may not have happened because of the pills. i dunno.. like he was like "did you cry a lot while we were going out?" and i was like.. not really, i mean when my parents would yell at me or something.. and he was like "i made you happy?" and i was like yes sir. then he was like "somedayyy my friend" and i was like someday what? someday i'll stop crying myself to sleep every night? hopefully.. and he was like "you know what i mean" and i was like... not quite. and he was like well someday you will. ughh...
i want him now. i dont want to have to wait until "someday" because that hurts... i mean i still have just as strong of emotions for him as i did while we were dating. and it hurts so bad to see him with another girl.. that sucks more than anything in the world. but like.. gosh, i cant do anything to jeapordize their relationship.. because i just wouldnt be able to make myself do that.. i guess i care about how he feels too much. i just.. gosh, cant get over him.. i've tried soo hard. i like cry myself to sleep like every night.. and we've been broken up for like over a month. i've tried to hide how i feel for so long.. and it's hard to talk to my friends about it beacuse they all say i can "do better" and i should "just get over him" but they dont understand that i cant find better.. i dont want to try.. and i cant get over him just like that. i dunno, maybe i'm just over-reacting about it because of my pills.. who knows. i just needed to get everything out in a good ol livejournal post..
so comment if you want to..