(no subject)
Yep, it's another day. Another year. Another dollar. Another thought. Another memory.
In the end, you're all I wanted. All I ever thought of. Still you're the only person I dream of. You're the one who pops into my mind when I see a heart drawn on a paper. Or hear a love song. Or watch a romantic movie. Or think about waking up next to someone.
And now it's all just a memory.
I saw something on the lines of maybe the reason I'm so upset is not that all the good times are lost, maybe it's that there will never be more. There will never be more of us. Of our future that I dreamed of for 6 years. The life I planned and relied on for the longest time. I remember in the 11th grade, thinking when we got in fights that it would be okay because this was just one fight, one bad day, one bad week and I had the rest of my life to spend with you. I don't care if I was 16. That was it for me. That was literally all I wanted.
And now, maybe I'm just crazy and remorseful. Or maybe I'm just hurt. Here I am sitting in my room thinking of someone who I'm probably never going to see again, thinking of all the things I want to do with him still while he's already moved on and basically dating someone he cheated on me with.
Maybe I don't want him anymore. Maybe I'm just sad bevause things will never be the same. And the part about my future being changed. Now I won't experience what I thought I was it's just regret and maybe a little fear.
Or maybe it's not. Who the fuck knows. I don't even know who I am sometimes.
One day I am this crazy girl, one day I am this baker, one day I am a logistics major, one day I am a painter, an artist, a girl with tattoos, a girl with her nipple pierced. A girl who doesnt even know what she's doing tomorrow. I am afraid of commitment. It's ironic because I was in a relationship, fully committed for 6 years and now I'm so distraught over the whole thing that I can't even commit to going to a specific restaurant for lunch.
It's really awful.
I just want things to change sometimes and for me to find someone who I will feel the way I felt about Nick about. I want to love someone again.
No two loves are ever the same love.
But I know there is something else out there for me. One day I am going to find someone who will treat me with respect and want to show me off to the world. Because lets be honest. Nick never did. He wouldn't even take me to parties because he didn't want to be seen with me.
Here I go. My sadness is going away and I am remembering why I do not want to be with him.
I just watched a little too much Twilight saga earlier.
Nick can have fun with Cassie. They can shove weed up their ass. They can fucking have fun cheating on each other because he already cheated on her and apparently she has too. Wow. Great one guys!!
One day though.... one day i will feel again.
But for now I'm going to watch Harry Potter and soak up the fact that I can lay in bed alone and watch Harry Potter....
In the end, you're all I wanted. All I ever thought of. Still you're the only person I dream of. You're the one who pops into my mind when I see a heart drawn on a paper. Or hear a love song. Or watch a romantic movie. Or think about waking up next to someone.
And now it's all just a memory.
I saw something on the lines of maybe the reason I'm so upset is not that all the good times are lost, maybe it's that there will never be more. There will never be more of us. Of our future that I dreamed of for 6 years. The life I planned and relied on for the longest time. I remember in the 11th grade, thinking when we got in fights that it would be okay because this was just one fight, one bad day, one bad week and I had the rest of my life to spend with you. I don't care if I was 16. That was it for me. That was literally all I wanted.
And now, maybe I'm just crazy and remorseful. Or maybe I'm just hurt. Here I am sitting in my room thinking of someone who I'm probably never going to see again, thinking of all the things I want to do with him still while he's already moved on and basically dating someone he cheated on me with.
Maybe I don't want him anymore. Maybe I'm just sad bevause things will never be the same. And the part about my future being changed. Now I won't experience what I thought I was it's just regret and maybe a little fear.
Or maybe it's not. Who the fuck knows. I don't even know who I am sometimes.
One day I am this crazy girl, one day I am this baker, one day I am a logistics major, one day I am a painter, an artist, a girl with tattoos, a girl with her nipple pierced. A girl who doesnt even know what she's doing tomorrow. I am afraid of commitment. It's ironic because I was in a relationship, fully committed for 6 years and now I'm so distraught over the whole thing that I can't even commit to going to a specific restaurant for lunch.
It's really awful.
I just want things to change sometimes and for me to find someone who I will feel the way I felt about Nick about. I want to love someone again.
No two loves are ever the same love.
But I know there is something else out there for me. One day I am going to find someone who will treat me with respect and want to show me off to the world. Because lets be honest. Nick never did. He wouldn't even take me to parties because he didn't want to be seen with me.
Here I go. My sadness is going away and I am remembering why I do not want to be with him.
I just watched a little too much Twilight saga earlier.
Nick can have fun with Cassie. They can shove weed up their ass. They can fucking have fun cheating on each other because he already cheated on her and apparently she has too. Wow. Great one guys!!
One day though.... one day i will feel again.
But for now I'm going to watch Harry Potter and soak up the fact that I can lay in bed alone and watch Harry Potter....