Amber & Bray's Room: Amber/Bray

[_bray_]

[continued from hereBray stirred irritably. It was obvious that Amber wasn't going to let this one go, and he really didn't feel like talking. More to the point, what could he say even if he did? He stood up and started picking up his clothes, roughly pulling them on as he found them. Looking back he could see Amber still sat on the bed,

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[amber_warning]

This wasn't making any sense. From an outisder point of view it was clear that neither Amber nor Bray were really listening to each other, but from Amber's point of view she was furious that Bray could not understand what she felt was a valid point.

"Of course I don't think that!" She snapped back angrily. "You have no idea what torture I went through not knowing where you were! And now that you're not talking to me I'm feeling that pain all over again Bray. Do you understand where I'm coming from? I went for nearly a year not knowing where you were, not even knowing if you were alive. And now, even with you here I still don't know where you are." Amber turned away in frustration, and looked for her clothes. In much the same fashion that Bray had shown she roughly dressed herself, suddenly feeling very awkward, as if everyone in the world could see what sort of vulnerable position she was in.

"I know you've been through hell Bray, but don't think I haven't either, I've been the one keeping hold of things while you haven't been here, while you've been.... sick, and it hasn't been easy for me either. Maybe it would be easier if for once you'd talk to me instead of closing yourself off to the world and doing one of your trade mark disappearing acts."

[_bray_]

Somewhere in his mind, Amber's words were registering, and some of what she was saying actually made sense - but Bray's anger overrode his logic, as he replied defensively, "Who said anything about me disappearing? All I asked was for a little time to think, is that too much?" Bray stood up and started pacing restlessly. "Amber, look, I know it must've been hard for you, and you've done a great job of looking after little Bray, and the Mallrats. I'm sorry if you think I'm being difficult, but please, you've got to give me time to adjust."

Bray sat back down on the bed, resting his elbows on his knees. In a lower voice, he carried on. "It's just... I don't know," His attempt at explanation trailed off, his thoughts not forming into words. He looked up at Amber, who was getting dressed, and realised that it was entirely his fault that they were both riled up. It made him feel even worse.

[amber_warning]

Without realising it Bray was certainly pushing all the right buttons to make Amber very angry. It seemed like he was dismissing all the pain she'd gone through. "You're not the only one who has to adjust Bray." She snapped back. "Having you back is just as dramatic a change for me, never mind how big a change it is for our son." Amber stopped herself from saying anymore, she knew that if she continued to talk she would say something she would really regret that would no doubt cause Bray to leave.

Sighing deeply, Amber sat back down on the bed, now fully clothed. She lifted her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. As Bray tried to explain how he felt, yet could only say he didn't know, Amber half smiled, and said "I don't know either." She paused for a second, then continued.

"You know, when I thought about you coming back, I never imagined the rows. Which is silly really, especially as we've had some real big ones." Amber said in a slightly humourous tone, hoping to lift the mood slightly. Trying to be serious once more, Amber spoke. "Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to press you for your every thought or feeling about what's going on, I'm just scared. I'm scared I'm going to lose you again. I know it's irrational but I can't help it."

[_bray_]

Bray sighed. He could see that Amber was trying to make light of the situation, and part of him wanted to do the same - to smile and shrug, and let the tension fade away. But he couldn't, not yet, he needed to order his thoughts, find a handhold, regain his balance. However, Amber's change in attitude allowed him to calm down and let his mind process itself at a more sensible pace. He shifted a little closer to Amber, taking her hand in his own, studying it absently as he started to speak.
"You're scared to lose me? Maybe it works both ways... you've changed, Amber. I know you had to, and it's not a bad thing, but-" Bray swallowed as he considered his next utterance, "it just feels like the whole world's moving forward, and I'm playing catch-up, you know? I mean, we have a son that you seem to understand like second nature, you've got the Mall running so much better than I ever could, and where am I? Still back where I was, the same idiot who will go out and get myself in trouble without a moment's thought to the repercussions." By the time he'd said this, Bray's jaw was set in anger, frustration at himself. His brow furrowed into a deep frown as he traced the lines on Amber's palm with his thumb.

[amber_warning]

Amber reached up to the frown line on Bray's forhead and gently rubbed it in an attempt to soothe him. She didn't know if she would have any affect, but she wanted him to know that she cared for him and would do anything she could to help.

"Bray, people change, even when they're with each other all the time. I'm not the same Amber I was before, but I've had no choice about that. We've both been through tough times that have moulded us into the people we are today. One thing that hasn't changed though is that I still love you."

Feeling Bray stroking her hand Amber held it tightly, and continued to speak. "Okay, you've missed out on a lot while you haven't been here, and no, it's not going to be easy getting used to everything again. But that doesnt make you a failure, or an idiot. It's just going to take time, and patience, and I'm always here for you. Ok?" With her hand stroking Bray's face Amber looked at him questioningly, wanting reassurance from him that he understood her.

[_bray_]

The tenderness of Amber's touch on Bray's face comforted him, and as she spoke he realised that what she said was true. For a brief moment he couldn't help thinking that time was what he'd wanted all along, but he let it go. He looked up to meet Amber's imploring gaze, releasing his tension. "Yeah, you're right," he said softly, leaning into her palm, "I guess patience isn't my strong point, is it?"

[amber_warning]

"And I'm no good at giving you the space you need." Amber smiled softly. "I just can't help but panic when I think there's something wrong, but that's going to take me time as well. I know I need to relax, it's just so hard...."

Amber relaxed her legs, letting her knees drop from her chest to a crossed leg position. For now her irrational fears were subsiding, and she had begun to fee a lot more relaxed. "I'm sorry I'm such a control freak." she said, dropping her head to Bray's shoulder. "I don't mean to press you for every detail."

[_bray_]

Bray drew Amber into his arms, feeling that would be the best way to stop her self-flagellation marathon.
"Amber," he said gently, "stop blaming yourself. I know you only do the best you can."
Bray took a deep breath, soothed by their closeness once more. He knew he still needed to adapt and grow, but for now he learnt that shutting Amber out never helped anything.

[amber_warning]

"But what if my best isn't good enough Bray? You know, I try as hard as I can to keep everything running smoothly, but when you were taken away I just lost it. The idea of losing you again hit me so hard and I just couldn't cope so I ran away." Amber thought to how she had nearly run again when she had discovered that Bray thought he was in fact his brother and felt so unbelieveably guilty. Her throat began to swell up and tears formed in her eyes.

"I don't think I knew how much you meant to me until you came back and then were taken again. I'd started to cope when the Technos took you, as much as I wanted you back I was dealing with everything, but then you went again and I just broke down." Her voice caught in her throat and Amber was unable to stop the tears. How had such a simple misunderstanding lead to this? She hated the fact that she had been reduced to tears by her own fears, and wasn't sure whether to push Bray away in embarrassment of being so overly emotional, or to just wrap her arms around him and hope that he would make everything okay again. She lifted one arm in hesitation, not sure of which course of action to take, before deciding on the latter, and wrapping both arms firmly around Bray.

[_bray_]

As Amber suddenly started to cry, Bray automatically pulled her tightly to him as she clung to him. "Shh, hey, don't get upset," he said soothingly. "Like you said before, we've been through all that and we're still together - it's got to mean something, right?"
Bray lifted Amber's face to his own, gazing softly at her tear-streaked expression. She looked so vulnerable, so... young. Bray realised that no matter how mature and capable Amber might become, there was always going to be a little worried girl in there - and it was up to him to protect and care for her.
"We'll always be together, one way or another," he whispered, "I promise." Then he kissed her softly, as if to seal his word.

[amber_warning]

Amber returned Bray's kiss, half relieved, and half feeling very silly for allowing herself to get so worked up. It was crazy, under such pressures of being tribe leader she could keep her cool, but one minute alone with Bray and she would crumble. Wriggling out of his grasp Amber wiped her eyes, trying to remove the traces of her tears. She leant across to the bedside table and picked up a small mirror to see what kind of state she was in. She gave a small embarrassed laugh as she saw her streaky make-up and completely bedraggled hair. She gave a knowing smile thinking back to the afternoon's activities, and the reasons for her hair being in a complete mess.

"This is going to take me hours to sort out." She said, gesturing towards her hair. "I don't know what you did, but I've NEVER seen it this messed up before." Amber gave a small laugh. She knew she was changing the subject, but she felt reassured by Bray's words, and felt no need to dredge their insecurities any further. Amber knew that they weren't quite ok yet, but they were working at it, and it was just going to take time which was something they had plenty of.

[_bray_]

Glad for Amber's lift in mood, Bray lightened his tone as he played into her comment. "What I did, you say? If I remember rightly, you played an equally important role in the hair mess-up!"
Bray moved so that he was sat behind Amber, and she could see him in the little mirror. "Besides," he said slyly, leaning down to kiss her neck lightly, "there might not be any point redoing your hair just yet."