(no subject)
im really really sorry that my entries have been so emo/depressing/uninteresting lately. but to be honest, this has been a really rather wretched year for me. Since January 1st, the only really bright spot I can think of was spring break in the Keys with everyone. Everything else has just been a continuous emotional roller coaster full of academic and relationship failures and let downs. this year is ending terribly and i wont be sad to see it go. my present has all but demolished itself and my future is covered in an absurdly thick shroud of uncertainty.
to make matters slightly worse, my mother has been hinting/planning a "mystery trip" for me which i was able to deduce was to philly. the part that has kicked all the excitement out of it is that she is sending me to visit my cousins ALONE. she's not coming. I was so looking forward to an xmas trip to the city, to see the lights and the festivities and go shopping and to all the fun food places she always talks about but no. the trip is for me to go stay with my cousins at they're house in NJ and just go to the city once or twice. this may sound like a lovely trip but I am the EPITOME of not a family person. i know this sounds weird but i almost feel like its a punishment. (to be honest, she used to threaten sending me to my cousin when i was young if i was bad. lol) as the only child of a single parent, i like my peace and quiet. my cousins are like ages 11-14. two of them ive only met once. my aunt says they are so excited "its like a celebrity is coming" but for me its like sending me to the lions den. i know im gonna feel like a glorified babysitter even though i know its not intended. for five days. im not even gonna start about the fact i hate flying in winter.
Maybe that makes me a grinch like nichole says. but personally i cant stand big family gatherings. i like a quiet dinner and exploring cities during holidays. thats why im so completely and utterly bummed its not just me and my mom taking the trip with maybe a day trip to go visit them. I felt bad because when I saw it was just one plane ticket and she told me she wasn't going, i really wanted to just cry. talk about major let down. but she was excited so i tried to be too. the only good part is that i get to go to a flyers game :) so im just gonna try and hold onto that fact.
Every day I pray that next year will be better. im pretty sure it cant's get any worse than this year has been.
to make matters slightly worse, my mother has been hinting/planning a "mystery trip" for me which i was able to deduce was to philly. the part that has kicked all the excitement out of it is that she is sending me to visit my cousins ALONE. she's not coming. I was so looking forward to an xmas trip to the city, to see the lights and the festivities and go shopping and to all the fun food places she always talks about but no. the trip is for me to go stay with my cousins at they're house in NJ and just go to the city once or twice. this may sound like a lovely trip but I am the EPITOME of not a family person. i know this sounds weird but i almost feel like its a punishment. (to be honest, she used to threaten sending me to my cousin when i was young if i was bad. lol) as the only child of a single parent, i like my peace and quiet. my cousins are like ages 11-14. two of them ive only met once. my aunt says they are so excited "its like a celebrity is coming" but for me its like sending me to the lions den. i know im gonna feel like a glorified babysitter even though i know its not intended. for five days. im not even gonna start about the fact i hate flying in winter.
Maybe that makes me a grinch like nichole says. but personally i cant stand big family gatherings. i like a quiet dinner and exploring cities during holidays. thats why im so completely and utterly bummed its not just me and my mom taking the trip with maybe a day trip to go visit them. I felt bad because when I saw it was just one plane ticket and she told me she wasn't going, i really wanted to just cry. talk about major let down. but she was excited so i tried to be too. the only good part is that i get to go to a flyers game :) so im just gonna try and hold onto that fact.
Every day I pray that next year will be better. im pretty sure it cant's get any worse than this year has been.