Whoops
I forgot about my final in Afrikaans tomorrow and haven't studied once for it, and I've only written three pages of the fifteen I have due on Friday. But I'm having an existential crisis (yes, that's number 3 since being here), who can possibly be expected to do school work during an existential crisis? Write page after page of convoluted pseudo-philosophy? Yes. Draft plans to go on a soul-seeking-safari? Check. But work? You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
Actually, this isn't really a crisis like the last two were. Number one's crisis was caused by sudden exposure to ghastly unjust conditions inflicted on humans by humans, and revolved around the subsequent questions of human nature that arose. It's not like I loved humanity before coming here, okay I didn't even like it. I just thought I was prepared for the realities I was going to see, and it turns out I had no idea. It really...threw me for a loop, I guess. The second crisis was rooted in resignation, self hatred, and that awful, self defeating question "why bother?" but I don't really feel like saying much more about it.
But this time I'm not really spiraling out of control. Yes, there is some general panic, as can be expected whenever you start questioning the foundations of your reality, but I think it's kept in check by my knowledge of how necessary this last one is. But you really can't be expected to analyze and understand the full scope of your own metaphysical meltdown whilst still in it, so I can't really say. If I were home, this is when I'd drive up into the mountains with a fresh pack of cigarettes and my entire CD collection and not come down till morning. But since I'm in South Africa, I can't chance the even the solitary luxury of a night time stroll.
I think this is gunna be a good one.
Actually, this isn't really a crisis like the last two were. Number one's crisis was caused by sudden exposure to ghastly unjust conditions inflicted on humans by humans, and revolved around the subsequent questions of human nature that arose. It's not like I loved humanity before coming here, okay I didn't even like it. I just thought I was prepared for the realities I was going to see, and it turns out I had no idea. It really...threw me for a loop, I guess. The second crisis was rooted in resignation, self hatred, and that awful, self defeating question "why bother?" but I don't really feel like saying much more about it.
But this time I'm not really spiraling out of control. Yes, there is some general panic, as can be expected whenever you start questioning the foundations of your reality, but I think it's kept in check by my knowledge of how necessary this last one is. But you really can't be expected to analyze and understand the full scope of your own metaphysical meltdown whilst still in it, so I can't really say. If I were home, this is when I'd drive up into the mountains with a fresh pack of cigarettes and my entire CD collection and not come down till morning. But since I'm in South Africa, I can't chance the even the solitary luxury of a night time stroll.
I think this is gunna be a good one.