I can't believe that it is August 3rd.
I am not quite sure I understand how this is suppose to work. You see, I am in school, full time. Even in the summer, yes, full time. I am on campus three days a week and have an online class which is very time consuming. I am also in roller derby. I practice three days a week. I pay for both of these things. I pay for them for my mental and my physical health. I love them both tremendously and am already reaping the benefits that they provide. I work. I do not work much, but I work as much as I can whilst sustaining sanity. I have one day off a week. I give myself this day to catch up on the things at home like my boyfriend, my dogs, laundry, and overall maintenance of the house. This one day a week surely is not sufficing. When I began entering into this busy lifestyle I had support from my family. They were so pleased I was furthering my education, participating in athletics again, all while continuing to support myself.
So why am I getting shit from said family about not seeing them or calling them? It's annoying, actually. It is not as if they are attempting contact through anything personal like phone calls. I get mass texts, to which I do not reply to and facebook posts, to which I find at times completely inappropriate for public forums. The other day I received a voicemail from my cousin which was extremely catty and ignorant, but mostly annoying. She had the audacity to say, and I quote, "You're not really busy, you don't have kids!" This immediately infuriated me and I wanted to throw my phone through the window. The only thing I could think was, "Well, clearly, you don't have an education so you obviously have no clue what goes into it." My first instinct was to call her back and scream at her. How dare she approach me like that? Has she not ever heard, "You'll attract more bees with honey rather than vinegar"? I didn't say anything. I didn't do anything. Rather, I continued on with my online lecture and allowed myself to calm down. Once I had contained my frustration and anger I picked up the phone and called her back. We had a pleasant conversation and I hung up. This happened three days ago. As you can see, I am still stewing over it.
My mother came by last night to give me my Daughters Day gift. We caught up a bit and I told her about my experience with said cousin. To which my mom replied with something along the lines of agreeing with the cousin. I did not get angered. I simply just explained that if, perhaps, I received more appropriate initial contacts, I would be more willing to want to visit or chat with family. I feel as though everyone in my family always says, "You never call, blah blah blah." Well, guess what? YOU NEVER CALL ME, EITHER!
Frustrated. Annoyed.
I, of course, can only control myself in this situation. I have spent time with my family this summer. Has it been as much as I would like? No. Has there been any opportunities to which I could have opted for more family time? Honestly? No. I have reflected on my past 6 months and there is not one time I feel I can honestly say I disregarded family time for anything else. I have not turned down one invitation for hanging out, I have accepted all invitations. I have even extended invitations to which all but my mother and sister have accepted to attend. I just do not understand what more they want from me?
Clearly, I need to figure something out.
On another note. Ray's mom had an appointment with social security today and he went with her. He's a really god son, better son than I probably have ever been, a daughter. Nonetheless, she was tested today and I am expecting her to get declined. Not because she doesn't deserve or qualify for SSI, but because this is the protocol. I am sure we will be denied a few times before we are accepted. This is another stress in our lives and will be relieved the minute Ray is able to take guardianship of her. I know he feels it will be a bigger burden, however, with my experience, I know it will not. The fact that he was dealt this hand and is accepting it graciously proves that he is, indeed, even more admirable than I had initially thought. He's amazing.
We are doing good, needless to say. He has picked up a second job and also started his own business. He has legitimately begun his own business. Crazy. Because of this, we do not get to see each other on Tuesday and Thursdays as I am already gone for practice when he gets home from work. Hopefully the business does well and he can continually move forward with it. I am sure there will be rough spots, but the best thing is that he has not invested much other than time. He is attempting this without taking out any business loans. Smart move. His main job allows him to print at the shop he works and only takes a small cut from what he makes. This is a very fortunate position to be in. We're busy, really busy. But our goal's remain the same. We remain on the same page, and that ultimately is where we want to be.
I am waiting for my kimchee to be ready. The rice, anyway. This has become my many meals as of lately. I have just three more weeks before student loans come in. Thank god. These loans are not substantial as they are going off of my income from a year ago when I wasn't in school. It won't be until next fall that I will be able to live comfortably. This is tolerable, however, because at the rate the years are flying by it will seem like a week of struggle upon reflection.
Anyway, I have to go. More school work and a little bit of time to eat.
For the record, I miss Buddy. A lot. A lot a lot.
So why am I getting shit from said family about not seeing them or calling them? It's annoying, actually. It is not as if they are attempting contact through anything personal like phone calls. I get mass texts, to which I do not reply to and facebook posts, to which I find at times completely inappropriate for public forums. The other day I received a voicemail from my cousin which was extremely catty and ignorant, but mostly annoying. She had the audacity to say, and I quote, "You're not really busy, you don't have kids!" This immediately infuriated me and I wanted to throw my phone through the window. The only thing I could think was, "Well, clearly, you don't have an education so you obviously have no clue what goes into it." My first instinct was to call her back and scream at her. How dare she approach me like that? Has she not ever heard, "You'll attract more bees with honey rather than vinegar"? I didn't say anything. I didn't do anything. Rather, I continued on with my online lecture and allowed myself to calm down. Once I had contained my frustration and anger I picked up the phone and called her back. We had a pleasant conversation and I hung up. This happened three days ago. As you can see, I am still stewing over it.
My mother came by last night to give me my Daughters Day gift. We caught up a bit and I told her about my experience with said cousin. To which my mom replied with something along the lines of agreeing with the cousin. I did not get angered. I simply just explained that if, perhaps, I received more appropriate initial contacts, I would be more willing to want to visit or chat with family. I feel as though everyone in my family always says, "You never call, blah blah blah." Well, guess what? YOU NEVER CALL ME, EITHER!
Frustrated. Annoyed.
I, of course, can only control myself in this situation. I have spent time with my family this summer. Has it been as much as I would like? No. Has there been any opportunities to which I could have opted for more family time? Honestly? No. I have reflected on my past 6 months and there is not one time I feel I can honestly say I disregarded family time for anything else. I have not turned down one invitation for hanging out, I have accepted all invitations. I have even extended invitations to which all but my mother and sister have accepted to attend. I just do not understand what more they want from me?
Clearly, I need to figure something out.
On another note. Ray's mom had an appointment with social security today and he went with her. He's a really god son, better son than I probably have ever been, a daughter. Nonetheless, she was tested today and I am expecting her to get declined. Not because she doesn't deserve or qualify for SSI, but because this is the protocol. I am sure we will be denied a few times before we are accepted. This is another stress in our lives and will be relieved the minute Ray is able to take guardianship of her. I know he feels it will be a bigger burden, however, with my experience, I know it will not. The fact that he was dealt this hand and is accepting it graciously proves that he is, indeed, even more admirable than I had initially thought. He's amazing.
We are doing good, needless to say. He has picked up a second job and also started his own business. He has legitimately begun his own business. Crazy. Because of this, we do not get to see each other on Tuesday and Thursdays as I am already gone for practice when he gets home from work. Hopefully the business does well and he can continually move forward with it. I am sure there will be rough spots, but the best thing is that he has not invested much other than time. He is attempting this without taking out any business loans. Smart move. His main job allows him to print at the shop he works and only takes a small cut from what he makes. This is a very fortunate position to be in. We're busy, really busy. But our goal's remain the same. We remain on the same page, and that ultimately is where we want to be.
I am waiting for my kimchee to be ready. The rice, anyway. This has become my many meals as of lately. I have just three more weeks before student loans come in. Thank god. These loans are not substantial as they are going off of my income from a year ago when I wasn't in school. It won't be until next fall that I will be able to live comfortably. This is tolerable, however, because at the rate the years are flying by it will seem like a week of struggle upon reflection.
Anyway, I have to go. More school work and a little bit of time to eat.
For the record, I miss Buddy. A lot. A lot a lot.