FAIL
I went to the fair yesterday. Per usual I visited the piggies and cows. Pointed out my favorites and shamed myself for eating meat. We went to the petting zoo and I spent a substantial amount of time with the baby pigs. There were two. One pink and one black. They were babies, teeny tiny babies. I took a plethora of photos and pondered how important eating meat really is to me.
I walked away in silence. I stopped at the baby ducks, chicks, and bunnies and thought to myself about how badly I would love to be able to give it all up. I assessed the situation and concluded that I could probably, at least, quit eating pork and maybe beef. Basically, I thought to myself, "I could ONLY eat chicken and turkey." (Which makes no sense at all, seeing as though I was admiring the baby chickens and ducks that sat before me.)
I woke up this morning and went to breakfast with Ray. It wasn't until dinner, at Hani Yori, that I realized (as I was eating beef) that I was not only eating beef but I had eaten pork with my breakfast sandwich just a few hours prior. I had failed myself. As I type this I recall that Beef N Cheddar I had last night when I was hungry and in a bind.
It then occurs to me that I have never equated animals with food. Which is weird, considering my dad was (is) an avid hunter. I grew up with deer being gutted and cleaned in my garage. To which, later we ate. Deer, turtles, most everything (though I do not recall, rabbits).
I mean, usually, when dieting I am aware of the new change in course and proceed accordingly. I don't know. I really don't know why I don't think of it.
I love animals. I woke up to a baby bird falling out of it's nest on our patio just yesterday. It was 6am and I knew one of the cats was out there and was going to kill this bird. It's mother was swooping down squawking at me for being too close. I wanted to help it, but I could see that it had broken it's leg. I knew I couldn't (and shouldn't) move it. So I didn't. Instead, I went straight to my bedroom and woke Ray up bawling. I was so upset and so tired of animals (baby bunnies, mice, birds) getting killed outside and having to witness it. The screams of the baby bunnies haunt me and I can not bare to hear them. But it's the circle of life, right?
Who knows. Is it that I lack willpower? What is it? I need to be more aware.
I'm such a tool.
I walked away in silence. I stopped at the baby ducks, chicks, and bunnies and thought to myself about how badly I would love to be able to give it all up. I assessed the situation and concluded that I could probably, at least, quit eating pork and maybe beef. Basically, I thought to myself, "I could ONLY eat chicken and turkey." (Which makes no sense at all, seeing as though I was admiring the baby chickens and ducks that sat before me.)
I woke up this morning and went to breakfast with Ray. It wasn't until dinner, at Hani Yori, that I realized (as I was eating beef) that I was not only eating beef but I had eaten pork with my breakfast sandwich just a few hours prior. I had failed myself. As I type this I recall that Beef N Cheddar I had last night when I was hungry and in a bind.
It then occurs to me that I have never equated animals with food. Which is weird, considering my dad was (is) an avid hunter. I grew up with deer being gutted and cleaned in my garage. To which, later we ate. Deer, turtles, most everything (though I do not recall, rabbits).
I mean, usually, when dieting I am aware of the new change in course and proceed accordingly. I don't know. I really don't know why I don't think of it.
I love animals. I woke up to a baby bird falling out of it's nest on our patio just yesterday. It was 6am and I knew one of the cats was out there and was going to kill this bird. It's mother was swooping down squawking at me for being too close. I wanted to help it, but I could see that it had broken it's leg. I knew I couldn't (and shouldn't) move it. So I didn't. Instead, I went straight to my bedroom and woke Ray up bawling. I was so upset and so tired of animals (baby bunnies, mice, birds) getting killed outside and having to witness it. The screams of the baby bunnies haunt me and I can not bare to hear them. But it's the circle of life, right?
Who knows. Is it that I lack willpower? What is it? I need to be more aware.
I'm such a tool.