4 days isn't so bad.
I haven't walked Buddy all week. My schedule is insane and every time I am able to go, I realize I am just not quite ready to have to see Garth. I HATE that I have to see him to see Bud. His presence really sours the entire experience. It sours most any time I want to par take in any community event in which he is in attendance. He has, however, gotten a new puppy and I know that Buddy's little heart must be a little jealous and in need of some one on one time with Mommy, so I am sure I will scoop him up soon. I just hate walking into that place.....my old life.
Moving on.....
I have not started my period for the entire month of June. It is really weird, actually. I am totally on birth control and have felt like I am going to start at least three times this past month. I am pretty much chalking it up to the fact that in the month of June I have worked full time with a bunch of girls and I have Derby twice a week with a bunch of girls. I have also been really stressed and super busy. Some girls in Derby have had their periods TWICE this month. I am convinced someone has stolen mine. Not getting a period, however, makes one uneasy.
It has also made me think.
I have been in serious "baby crazy" mode lately. It usually lasts a week or two and goes away. It has not gone away. Ray and I have talked and talked about our future and how I really don't ever want to get re-married but how I would like a baby. He would like one too. I am thirty this year. My biological clock is ticking harder than ever. I never really believed in that entire saying or (what I know now to be....FACT), but it's true. I thought when I was married and wanted children it was because I wanted Garth's children. I mean, that WAS true, I really did want a family with him. After our divorce I thought I would never WANT to have a baby again. I have proved myself wrong. I've seen Ray with his niece and he is so good with children. We would make cute kids.
Anyway, this entire not getting my period thing has really made me think. Do I WANT to have a baby? I don't have money, I'm totally in school, I have a lot of things against me. I thought I was going to Hong Kong in Feb. When I thought I was pregnant I got sad because IF I were pregnant, I wouldn't be able to go (I would have been 8 months a long). I had mentioned to Ray that i would rather go to Hong Kong and he said, "Erin, there's never going to be a RIGHT time to have a baby." I came to terms with the fact that I may be pregnant and may not be going to Hong Kong. Shortly thereafter, I felt cramps coming on as if I were going to start my period. It instantly saddened me. It was the first time in my life I was SAD that I may NOT be pregnant. It really threw me into perspective. Maybe I really want a baby.
My mom wants me to have a baby. Christi really wants me to, too. I'm nervous. Christi wants me to get off of birth control. I just feel a bit bizarre planning for something like this. I just don't know if it is FOR SURE what I want.
I see pregnant people at school all.of.the.time. It is possible. Annie and Katy want me to get pregnant, everyone wants me to.
Ugh. I just don't know.
Regardless of what I want, I still have not started my period. I do not feel pregnant. i feel I have a wicked period on the horizon and I know it's going to kick my ass. I am typically quick to purchase a pregnancy test. This time is different, I really just DON'T CARE. I guess if I am, then I am and if not then I'm not. I'll know soon enough.
Blah.
Moving on.....
I have not started my period for the entire month of June. It is really weird, actually. I am totally on birth control and have felt like I am going to start at least three times this past month. I am pretty much chalking it up to the fact that in the month of June I have worked full time with a bunch of girls and I have Derby twice a week with a bunch of girls. I have also been really stressed and super busy. Some girls in Derby have had their periods TWICE this month. I am convinced someone has stolen mine. Not getting a period, however, makes one uneasy.
It has also made me think.
I have been in serious "baby crazy" mode lately. It usually lasts a week or two and goes away. It has not gone away. Ray and I have talked and talked about our future and how I really don't ever want to get re-married but how I would like a baby. He would like one too. I am thirty this year. My biological clock is ticking harder than ever. I never really believed in that entire saying or (what I know now to be....FACT), but it's true. I thought when I was married and wanted children it was because I wanted Garth's children. I mean, that WAS true, I really did want a family with him. After our divorce I thought I would never WANT to have a baby again. I have proved myself wrong. I've seen Ray with his niece and he is so good with children. We would make cute kids.
Anyway, this entire not getting my period thing has really made me think. Do I WANT to have a baby? I don't have money, I'm totally in school, I have a lot of things against me. I thought I was going to Hong Kong in Feb. When I thought I was pregnant I got sad because IF I were pregnant, I wouldn't be able to go (I would have been 8 months a long). I had mentioned to Ray that i would rather go to Hong Kong and he said, "Erin, there's never going to be a RIGHT time to have a baby." I came to terms with the fact that I may be pregnant and may not be going to Hong Kong. Shortly thereafter, I felt cramps coming on as if I were going to start my period. It instantly saddened me. It was the first time in my life I was SAD that I may NOT be pregnant. It really threw me into perspective. Maybe I really want a baby.
My mom wants me to have a baby. Christi really wants me to, too. I'm nervous. Christi wants me to get off of birth control. I just feel a bit bizarre planning for something like this. I just don't know if it is FOR SURE what I want.
I see pregnant people at school all.of.the.time. It is possible. Annie and Katy want me to get pregnant, everyone wants me to.
Ugh. I just don't know.
Regardless of what I want, I still have not started my period. I do not feel pregnant. i feel I have a wicked period on the horizon and I know it's going to kick my ass. I am typically quick to purchase a pregnancy test. This time is different, I really just DON'T CARE. I guess if I am, then I am and if not then I'm not. I'll know soon enough.
Blah.