Issues.
I am taking an online course this summer. It goes all the way through August. It is a Political Science class that I need for my degree. It's Public Affairs. Mostly, it is just about the inner-workings of the government and organizations and such. It is very interesting. The fact that it is online and all of the communication is through internet forces me to communicate on politics and business better (or even at all, as I am not typically good at voicing my opinions of this nature. Not that I do not have any, I just never could find the correct usage for words to express my feelings). It is a bit intimidating, for me, to voice my opinions and beliefs on topics such as these, as I was raised to NOT discuss these topics in any sort of public forum. Not only that but to not discuss them with friends or family (which, naturally, I couldn't IMAGINE discussing them with STRANGERS).
I digress. It is a growing experience. Though I am learning ABOUT all of that in which is in our curriculum, I am learning more than I thought I had signed up for. I'm learning to feel comfortable communicating about these topics. And, truthfully, having dated someone so "into" politics really had almost made me HATE discussing it. Mostly because for someone who fancied himself to be extremely open-minded of such topics, he was not really at all. That in itself really turned me off from politics of any nature. Not my interest in politics, just my interest in discussing them, especially with him. However, marrying him was not for naught. It has allowed me to reflect on how people (I) perceived him. This has now taught me how to NOT come off so narrow minded. So, it was (or is) a good thing, all in all.
Every week we have to partake in multiple discussions in forums on topics that our professor posts. I am always so damn nervous to throw my thoughts out there. People have been really receptive, however. And this is encouraging.
I just can not believe I have never given myself more credit before. It is pretty sad, to be honest.
I suppose it is just another thing to discuss in future therapy. I never realized before now how much the "pretty" bullshit actually GAVE me a complex. All of my life (yes, even to this very day) everyone in my life, good and bad has always gone on and on about how "pretty" I am. Interestingly enough I never really ever believed it. Christi has always (for as long as I can remember) pointed out that I was the "thin, pretty one" and she was the "fat, smart one". She always made a big deal about the fact that whatever she tried out or auditioned for and did not make, I did. Cheerleading, Concert Choir, Colorguard, etc.. She always got the good grades (my grades were always good, but constantly over looked by my other achievements) and I just never paid much mind to it. I had graduated with honors and Core 40 (which I guess is or was a big deal) and with already having college credits for courses I had taken in high school. All of that was overlooked with The Orange Bowl Parade, the Disney Parade, the state finals for Choir, dance recitals, and what not. I was never really built up for my academic achievements.
Even in my relationships, Garth would always say when we went out in public, "People probably think you're taking a homeless guy out for coffee (or dinner, or whatever the occasion was). He even once said, "WOW, you look like a SUPERmodel" (to which I replied, "I think you could come up with a little more realistic compliment, but thanks"). He would always say I was CRAZY street smart and had a really good gut, but never acknowledged my knowledge on other things. I was even amounted to the "popular cheerleader" who took "plain ol' Wendy's boyfriend from her," by Garth's girlfriend via e mail while trying to RELATE to me. Though the compliments are flattering, I am now realizing how much it has almost hindered me. Katy and I are best friends - she is the smart one, I'm the pretty one. Blah blah. I am not saying this is anyone's fault other than my own. I have allowed this to happen. I have also neglected to credit myself for the growth my own intellect.
It is amazing to me that at almost thirty years old I am now realizing this was ever an issue. It makes me a little disgusted with myself.
I digress. It is a growing experience. Though I am learning ABOUT all of that in which is in our curriculum, I am learning more than I thought I had signed up for. I'm learning to feel comfortable communicating about these topics. And, truthfully, having dated someone so "into" politics really had almost made me HATE discussing it. Mostly because for someone who fancied himself to be extremely open-minded of such topics, he was not really at all. That in itself really turned me off from politics of any nature. Not my interest in politics, just my interest in discussing them, especially with him. However, marrying him was not for naught. It has allowed me to reflect on how people (I) perceived him. This has now taught me how to NOT come off so narrow minded. So, it was (or is) a good thing, all in all.
Every week we have to partake in multiple discussions in forums on topics that our professor posts. I am always so damn nervous to throw my thoughts out there. People have been really receptive, however. And this is encouraging.
I just can not believe I have never given myself more credit before. It is pretty sad, to be honest.
I suppose it is just another thing to discuss in future therapy. I never realized before now how much the "pretty" bullshit actually GAVE me a complex. All of my life (yes, even to this very day) everyone in my life, good and bad has always gone on and on about how "pretty" I am. Interestingly enough I never really ever believed it. Christi has always (for as long as I can remember) pointed out that I was the "thin, pretty one" and she was the "fat, smart one". She always made a big deal about the fact that whatever she tried out or auditioned for and did not make, I did. Cheerleading, Concert Choir, Colorguard, etc.. She always got the good grades (my grades were always good, but constantly over looked by my other achievements) and I just never paid much mind to it. I had graduated with honors and Core 40 (which I guess is or was a big deal) and with already having college credits for courses I had taken in high school. All of that was overlooked with The Orange Bowl Parade, the Disney Parade, the state finals for Choir, dance recitals, and what not. I was never really built up for my academic achievements.
Even in my relationships, Garth would always say when we went out in public, "People probably think you're taking a homeless guy out for coffee (or dinner, or whatever the occasion was). He even once said, "WOW, you look like a SUPERmodel" (to which I replied, "I think you could come up with a little more realistic compliment, but thanks"). He would always say I was CRAZY street smart and had a really good gut, but never acknowledged my knowledge on other things. I was even amounted to the "popular cheerleader" who took "plain ol' Wendy's boyfriend from her," by Garth's girlfriend via e mail while trying to RELATE to me. Though the compliments are flattering, I am now realizing how much it has almost hindered me. Katy and I are best friends - she is the smart one, I'm the pretty one. Blah blah. I am not saying this is anyone's fault other than my own. I have allowed this to happen. I have also neglected to credit myself for the growth my own intellect.
It is amazing to me that at almost thirty years old I am now realizing this was ever an issue. It makes me a little disgusted with myself.