(no subject)
I had a really bad day today. It was a combination of things:
Extreme exhaustion.
Nostalgia.
Dehydration.
Guilt/Shame.
Stress.
I really miss my Dad. When things aren't going right, or even sometimes when they are, I miss him. I want to talk to him and hug him. And I can't. Today I cried at work 4 times. No one noticed. I also dozed off twice. Only for a second or two each time. No one noticed that either. I cancelled my plans for tonight, lying, saying I needed to do family stuff. Really I just came home and watched TV and had Chinese food delivered. And as I was eating the food, the fried, fatty half disgusting-half yummy food, I realized that for a week straight after my dad died I sat by myself in his apartment and ate Chinese food. I think I gained all 10 extra pounds I've been carrying around for the last four months in that week alone.
Extreme exhaustion.
Nostalgia.
Dehydration.
Guilt/Shame.
Stress.
I really miss my Dad. When things aren't going right, or even sometimes when they are, I miss him. I want to talk to him and hug him. And I can't. Today I cried at work 4 times. No one noticed. I also dozed off twice. Only for a second or two each time. No one noticed that either. I cancelled my plans for tonight, lying, saying I needed to do family stuff. Really I just came home and watched TV and had Chinese food delivered. And as I was eating the food, the fried, fatty half disgusting-half yummy food, I realized that for a week straight after my dad died I sat by myself in his apartment and ate Chinese food. I think I gained all 10 extra pounds I've been carrying around for the last four months in that week alone.