[distance hurts the heart]
the only one I need right now has no time for me anymore.
life still sucks.
I'm afraid to write.
been talking to her so much more lately. it's making it so hard to forget these feelings.
I miss Chad so fucking incredibly much and it's starting to make me go crazy.
I miss Derek just as much; but I'm trying to push him to the back of my mind cuz I definitely don't want to forget about him.
I'm still mad at Nickk. he broke my heart and it's sad I actually let it happen.
I realized tonight that in a month, it will be a year since...yeah.
I don't want to think about it anymore.
ahhhh fuck I miss Brian too. he makes me smile more than anyone else in my life.
I still question myself as to why when I was finally starting to get happy, I ruined it for myself.
the only conclusion I can come up with is I feel as if happiness isn't for me.
it always get ruined in the end, and I'd rather break my own heart that be vulnerable and let someone else have the privelege.
there's so much I want to tell you, but you're never around.
within the short month I've been here, I've changed so much yet again.
I feel so distant. from my family. my friends. from myself.
yet, I'm the only one trying with all three.
I have resorted to taking cold medicine pills so I can sleep at night.
I can't do this.
life still sucks.
I'm afraid to write.
been talking to her so much more lately. it's making it so hard to forget these feelings.
I miss Chad so fucking incredibly much and it's starting to make me go crazy.
I miss Derek just as much; but I'm trying to push him to the back of my mind cuz I definitely don't want to forget about him.
I'm still mad at Nickk. he broke my heart and it's sad I actually let it happen.
I realized tonight that in a month, it will be a year since...yeah.
I don't want to think about it anymore.
ahhhh fuck I miss Brian too. he makes me smile more than anyone else in my life.
I still question myself as to why when I was finally starting to get happy, I ruined it for myself.
the only conclusion I can come up with is I feel as if happiness isn't for me.
it always get ruined in the end, and I'd rather break my own heart that be vulnerable and let someone else have the privelege.
there's so much I want to tell you, but you're never around.
within the short month I've been here, I've changed so much yet again.
I feel so distant. from my family. my friends. from myself.
yet, I'm the only one trying with all three.
I have resorted to taking cold medicine pills so I can sleep at night.
I can't do this.