[confessions...]
I wish I hated him half as much as I hate myself.
I've often thought about resorting back to my old ways.
I wish I wasn't so miserable anywhere I am.
I need my bestfriend when I get like this.
I wish I wasn't so needy these days.
what the hell is wrong with me?
I thought I changed; well I did.
but I never thought this side of me would come out.
it's 2:24am. I hate looking at the clock at that time.
yet it seems to happen every damn day.
I hate the fact that I can't fall asleep before 3:00am.
last night I didn't fall asleep til 5:30am.
I want a truck so fucking bad.
but when you have a $886 balance on your credit card it's kinda hard.
I want the truck so bad because it means I'll be home faster.
I miss Steph so fucking much it hurts.
why do I always do this to myself?
I'm trying so hard not to need you, but I can't help it.
I still love you.
if you hadn't came back into my life yet again, I wouldn't have these feelings.
I'm glad you're back, though.
Shawn just IMed me and I started balling like a damn baby.
what else is new.
I'm so upset with Nick right now.
I just wanna go across the street and yell at him.
I feel like the only person I have right now is my mom; and I still don't feel like I have her.
I wish I didn't move 2000 miles away just because I was trying to run away.
I wish I hadn't moved in with my sister when I moved back.
maybe I would still be there if I hadn't.
hell, I know I'd still be there if I hadn't.
I sometimes blame my sister for me being unhappy.
but I know it's my fault and I need to deal with it.
even though I don't want to admit it, I miss Lexi.
I miss my Missy weeny too. shes gonna die soon and I don't want her to.
I'm so afraid.
and scared.
I still have the faith you told me to hold on to.
...from three years ago.
I only have myspace so I can keep in touch with my friends.
how pathetic am I.
besides Derek, she's the only person I've ever truly wanted to be with.
and now, I'll never get my chance.
I never thought life would be this hard.
I've often thought about resorting back to my old ways.
I wish I wasn't so miserable anywhere I am.
I need my bestfriend when I get like this.
I wish I wasn't so needy these days.
what the hell is wrong with me?
I thought I changed; well I did.
but I never thought this side of me would come out.
it's 2:24am. I hate looking at the clock at that time.
yet it seems to happen every damn day.
I hate the fact that I can't fall asleep before 3:00am.
last night I didn't fall asleep til 5:30am.
I want a truck so fucking bad.
but when you have a $886 balance on your credit card it's kinda hard.
I want the truck so bad because it means I'll be home faster.
I miss Steph so fucking much it hurts.
why do I always do this to myself?
I'm trying so hard not to need you, but I can't help it.
I still love you.
if you hadn't came back into my life yet again, I wouldn't have these feelings.
I'm glad you're back, though.
Shawn just IMed me and I started balling like a damn baby.
what else is new.
I'm so upset with Nick right now.
I just wanna go across the street and yell at him.
I feel like the only person I have right now is my mom; and I still don't feel like I have her.
I wish I didn't move 2000 miles away just because I was trying to run away.
I wish I hadn't moved in with my sister when I moved back.
maybe I would still be there if I hadn't.
hell, I know I'd still be there if I hadn't.
I sometimes blame my sister for me being unhappy.
but I know it's my fault and I need to deal with it.
even though I don't want to admit it, I miss Lexi.
I miss my Missy weeny too. shes gonna die soon and I don't want her to.
I'm so afraid.
and scared.
I still have the faith you told me to hold on to.
...from three years ago.
I only have myspace so I can keep in touch with my friends.
how pathetic am I.
besides Derek, she's the only person I've ever truly wanted to be with.
and now, I'll never get my chance.
I never thought life would be this hard.