an overdue apologize that will never be read
Its been a ridiculous amount of time since i have even considered updating this thing.
I guess i've been too focused on making my life somewhat better than it was, to some extent i've succeeded.
I work
i rent my home
i go on holidays
i party
i make friends
i quash the rumours of my death
i attempt to remember the past 6 years of my life
The wonder that is the internet has allowed me to look up some long lost friends and see how they are without even having to communicate with them. They don't all hate me as much as i had let myself believe. I guess it's easier to assume unparalleled hatred rather than think that the friendship could be fixed only to be broken again.
There was a page or two on this thing that made me stop and think. It reminded me of the "good old times" when things were simpiler and the only worries we had were having smoke, tobacco and money to get into town. When the veune was the bestest bar in the world and it felt like nohing could touch us.
I think that there are very few friends i will ever have in this life who will have such an impact on my life. The memories, good and bad, will probably be the last things on my mind before i croke it. That is as long as i don't choke to death on my own vomit.
We both did things that we were not proud of, there were antics that could have landed us into seriuous amounts of trouble that we some how managed to avoid, there were holidays and parties and babies. I think of how it ended and i do wish sometimes that it had never happened, if i'd been less stubbourn (even if it was justified stubbourness) then maybe we'd still have each other. I said things afterwards that were truely hurtful and uncalled for, but i was so devastated at it all being over that i wanted her to feel the pain that i was. I know that we will never get what we had back again, too much time has passed without the words "i'm sorry". I wonder what it would all be like now if i'd rolled over that night and taken the bullshit. Would things have changed, would they have stayed the same, would they have got worse??
I can speak here freely as i know you will never read this,
i miss you.
i miss being your friend.
i miss alco rabbit and martini
i miss the baby
i miss chicken in your "homemade!!" BBQ sauce
i miss the roof in castle court carpark
i miss knives from pound stretcher
i miss formals
i miss mushrooms
i miss rob d - clubbed to death
i miss the wee free men
i miss our cartoons
i miss halloween
i miss living together
i miss making people believe buildings are haunted
i miss dancing in the snow
i miss leaving satanic symbols outside kfc
i miss the absinthe fairy
the venue's not the same without you.
i just look like a freak if i go into mothercare now
i have secrets i'll never be able to come to terms with and no one to discuss them with.
i was cleaning my flat recently and found that photo of us that edna took, we were so young back then. i tried to get it back you know, i came up to see you on jake's birthday last year. I had a present for him, i still have it wrapped in pirate wrapping paper. Fuck face across the street said you'd moved and the grass was huge, not that we ever bothered cutting it. I see russell all the time now, he's started working in the same building as me. He stopped me a couple of months ago to tell me how much you sucked and what a dick you were, i must say i was very impressed that you'd got rid of him. Now any time i see him i think of you. I'm so sorry about how i treted you over the incident. I was still so angry at you and it wasn't until an incident that occured in my life recently that i got a taste of what it must have been like. I understand now why you wanted to see him in prison, i understand that you just needed answers and justification of what he'd done.
Somebody spotted you out recently and i had such mixed feelings. I hate what happened, i still hate you sometimes and i hate myself.
Maybe someday if it's ment to be we'll see each other again and it will be something new.
Maybe
I guess i've been too focused on making my life somewhat better than it was, to some extent i've succeeded.
I work
i rent my home
i go on holidays
i party
i make friends
i quash the rumours of my death
i attempt to remember the past 6 years of my life
The wonder that is the internet has allowed me to look up some long lost friends and see how they are without even having to communicate with them. They don't all hate me as much as i had let myself believe. I guess it's easier to assume unparalleled hatred rather than think that the friendship could be fixed only to be broken again.
There was a page or two on this thing that made me stop and think. It reminded me of the "good old times" when things were simpiler and the only worries we had were having smoke, tobacco and money to get into town. When the veune was the bestest bar in the world and it felt like nohing could touch us.
I think that there are very few friends i will ever have in this life who will have such an impact on my life. The memories, good and bad, will probably be the last things on my mind before i croke it. That is as long as i don't choke to death on my own vomit.
We both did things that we were not proud of, there were antics that could have landed us into seriuous amounts of trouble that we some how managed to avoid, there were holidays and parties and babies. I think of how it ended and i do wish sometimes that it had never happened, if i'd been less stubbourn (even if it was justified stubbourness) then maybe we'd still have each other. I said things afterwards that were truely hurtful and uncalled for, but i was so devastated at it all being over that i wanted her to feel the pain that i was. I know that we will never get what we had back again, too much time has passed without the words "i'm sorry". I wonder what it would all be like now if i'd rolled over that night and taken the bullshit. Would things have changed, would they have stayed the same, would they have got worse??
I can speak here freely as i know you will never read this,
i miss you.
i miss being your friend.
i miss alco rabbit and martini
i miss the baby
i miss chicken in your "homemade!!" BBQ sauce
i miss the roof in castle court carpark
i miss knives from pound stretcher
i miss formals
i miss mushrooms
i miss rob d - clubbed to death
i miss the wee free men
i miss our cartoons
i miss halloween
i miss living together
i miss making people believe buildings are haunted
i miss dancing in the snow
i miss leaving satanic symbols outside kfc
i miss the absinthe fairy
the venue's not the same without you.
i just look like a freak if i go into mothercare now
i have secrets i'll never be able to come to terms with and no one to discuss them with.
i was cleaning my flat recently and found that photo of us that edna took, we were so young back then. i tried to get it back you know, i came up to see you on jake's birthday last year. I had a present for him, i still have it wrapped in pirate wrapping paper. Fuck face across the street said you'd moved and the grass was huge, not that we ever bothered cutting it. I see russell all the time now, he's started working in the same building as me. He stopped me a couple of months ago to tell me how much you sucked and what a dick you were, i must say i was very impressed that you'd got rid of him. Now any time i see him i think of you. I'm so sorry about how i treted you over the incident. I was still so angry at you and it wasn't until an incident that occured in my life recently that i got a taste of what it must have been like. I understand now why you wanted to see him in prison, i understand that you just needed answers and justification of what he'd done.
Somebody spotted you out recently and i had such mixed feelings. I hate what happened, i still hate you sometimes and i hate myself.
Maybe someday if it's ment to be we'll see each other again and it will be something new.
Maybe