Bleh

[_babyblues_]

I am laying in my mom's bed on the lap top.I am extremly sick.I had to go to the doctor this mouring.They made me pee in a cup and she rubbed around on my tummy.I had to pay 115$ for all the shit they did to me.They said they would get back to me on my test results.That doesn't help me now..I'm in so much pain.I tryed to get up to go pee.. I fell down.I'm so weak.I really wish he was here to take careof me.I'm home alone.My mom is gone for a week shes in aspen.I'm home alone with norman.. I want to kill him.He keeps coming in here asking me dumb questions.On the way home from the doctor I saw *him*...He was driving his dad's car with the top down.I miss him so much.I wish i used my head and thought about what i was doing and the concequences of doing it.I'm really stupid.Anyways,He's not really talking to me witch i don't blame him.I can't belive i did that.Why am i so stupid.I miss him.. I can't stop thinking about him.These past 3 days all i do is lay in bed and look at his pictures.Except for today i just lay in bed beucase i can't get out of bed.I don't know what i am going to do to my self if i find out he has another girlfriend.I want to kill my self.he deserves the best.He deserves a princess.He deserves someone who will treat him like a king.I wish i could take back what i did.Why am i so stupid, I can't even belive what i did.I'm a fucking slut.Anyways,I just read his away message,I think he is going to los olas tonight,he is going to get drunk.I get so worryed about him.He thinks i don'tcare about him beucase of what i did or i don't love him. I really do, I just dont think about stuff before i do it.I wish he knew...I have been crying. He told me that i have no idea how he feels. I know i don't he said he is so sad he can't even cry. I understand.Anyways, I'm feeling extremly nautios right now.I have no-one at home to empty my barf bucket. I think kahlid is coming over in a little.I wish he was here.. he always makes me feel so much better.He can touch me and his touch makes me better.I ruined everything.I'm so stupid.I miss you ben..I miss you

Kalie

PS-Josh I hope u fucking die.