(no subject)
It sucks when your hurting so bad and the only one that can make it better won't. I know what i did was the right thing it had to have been... but why does it hurt so bad? I feel like i am so alone and instead of feeling relief i feel like..."wow i hope they at least respect me and wait at least not do anything today." but i know its outta my hands. And i just hope that Kile is happy no matter what. If its with me or with someone else. I hope i at least made him happy for the year we were dating. Its just i can't keep hurting myself the way that i do. I can't say yea.. i won't call you i won't walk into your apartment its ok that you decided to not talk to me cuz she would get uspet. I just can't. This hurts so very very much I don't remember the last time i was this hurt. I don't know if i have ever been this hurt. I feel like i am a failure. That i couldn't make him happy and thats why all this is happening if only i wasn't as strong as a person then i would just put up with it. Why why is this happening
I just want my family. No i want him to hold me in his arms and say i love you i am so sorry for hurting you. Your the one that makes me happy i want to be with you. I don't understand why he just let me go. Why didn't he want to fight. why doesn't he want me? Why doesn't he want what i want? Why am i not good enough? I feel so empty now..i keep thinking if i did the right thing or not. i mean did i just do it in anger should i have talked to him more about the fact that i can't just go into hiding everytime she comes around and i shouldn't have to i just want to go away from my body until everything stops hurting, But what i really want is for him to show up and say i called her and i told her not to come we have to work this out, i love you. because i do love him. i just can't feel like everything i worked for is lost and i couldn't get them to see that its childish to expect me to not be around. that sometimes people have to grow up and move on. yes you were hurt i wouldn't like what i did either. but you never even tried to get to know me as a person, cuz if you wouldve you wouldve seen that i am a good person, you might even like me. But maybe that was it, if she got to know me then shed be forced to put a face on what happend and then i became human. and she doesn't want that cuz then it will be easier to get over and she wont' be able to hold a grudge anymore. I dunno all i know is that today i lost my bestfriend my boyfriend and the only one in the world who knows all the shit that i have gone through. Today hurts...today hurts more than anything has hurt before.
I just want my family. No i want him to hold me in his arms and say i love you i am so sorry for hurting you. Your the one that makes me happy i want to be with you. I don't understand why he just let me go. Why didn't he want to fight. why doesn't he want me? Why doesn't he want what i want? Why am i not good enough? I feel so empty now..i keep thinking if i did the right thing or not. i mean did i just do it in anger should i have talked to him more about the fact that i can't just go into hiding everytime she comes around and i shouldn't have to i just want to go away from my body until everything stops hurting, But what i really want is for him to show up and say i called her and i told her not to come we have to work this out, i love you. because i do love him. i just can't feel like everything i worked for is lost and i couldn't get them to see that its childish to expect me to not be around. that sometimes people have to grow up and move on. yes you were hurt i wouldn't like what i did either. but you never even tried to get to know me as a person, cuz if you wouldve you wouldve seen that i am a good person, you might even like me. But maybe that was it, if she got to know me then shed be forced to put a face on what happend and then i became human. and she doesn't want that cuz then it will be easier to get over and she wont' be able to hold a grudge anymore. I dunno all i know is that today i lost my bestfriend my boyfriend and the only one in the world who knows all the shit that i have gone through. Today hurts...today hurts more than anything has hurt before.