10 Year Personality Update!
Holy shit. I have changed a lot... but in many ways, I've remained the same.
Let's start with some of the more drastic changes:
4/8/2005
Avoidant: 83%
6/21/2015
Avoidant: 0%
This change shocked me the most. I've made it a big part of my "story" that I'm a pushover that avoids conflict at all costs. It was very true of me back when I was 19, but at 29, I guess I grew some balls somewhere along the line. Interesting.
4/8/2005
Intellectual: 36%
6/21/2015
Intellectual: 83%
This jumped at me, too. I looked further into what this implied and I realized that I have become much more of a rational thinker and problem solver over the years. Granted, not as much as I would like or as much as other people, but I have grown in that department. Yay, me.
4/8/2005
Hypersensitivity: 90%
6/21/2015
Hypersensitivity: 11%
WTF? This shocked the fuck out of me. I even took the quiz a few more times just to see how accurate it was. The numbers fluctuated only slightly each time I took the quiz, but not much. This remained between 11-20%. Why? ESPECIALLY since I have been having hella panic attacks. I combed through my memory banks and, for as much as I panic, I go through way more shit on a day-to-day basis than what I actually panic over. I panic when there's just no hope, but I can tackle the rest of the world pretty decently (with the exception of things regarding focusing and intense concentration). I still consider myself hypersensitive but I guess not nearly as much as I used to be. I have been holding down the fort decently, I guess.
4/8/2005
Interdependence: 30%
6/21/2015
Interdependence: 100%
Kind of whopping, huh? In 2005 I was 19 and still living at home, completely isolated and shut out from the world (except for the internet). I had no idea how to interact with real people for extended periods of time because I spent most of my time in my room alone. Since moving out/running away, I've been dependent on either a boyfriend or a community of people to help me because I haven't been able to do it myself. It makes complete sense for me to be 100% on this one... especially since I'm currently couch surfing since I got ran out of my house.
4/8/2005
Conflict seeking: 36%
6/21/2015
Conflict seeking: 0%
Yup, I hate conflict now more than ever. No surprise there. But I do find it funny that I am also 0% Avoidant. Which very clearly means that although I hate conflict and I won't start it, I am no longer afraid of it and I have no problem finishing it. Which... I have to say is true. Lately, I really haven't been taking much shit from people. I just don't have the time for it, anymore...
4/8/2005
Hedonism: 43%
6/21/2015
Hedonism: 72%
Pretty big change here. But I'll be honest, it's pretty much due to my time in San Francisco. I attribute this sudden rise in Hedonism to Saint Francis of Asisi (HEY, it's your city, bro. I merely hang out in it).
4/8/2005
Religious: 50%
6/21/2015
Religious: 0%
On the subject of RELIGION... Oh ho ho ho...Yeah, this one is a no brainer. I am 100% Anti-Religion. When I was younger, I was questioning it and was still feeling the guilty ties of Catholicism but now after 10 years of adulting... Not for me at all and I don't think it's for the greater good of humanity, either. I think there is merit to some of the schools of thought but Religion is a paradigm to control the masses and I will have none of it. And it's funny that we should mention Religion and control of the masses...
4/8/2005
Anti-authority: 63%
6/21/2015
Anti-authority: 100%
Yup. I was never down with authority, but 10 years into my adult life, even more so. Uggghhh... Power corrupts. It always, always does.
4/8/2005
Mystical: 43%
6/21/2015
Mystical: 83%
Now... while I do not believe in organized religion as a paradigm, I certainly do believe there is some fucking magic in the universe. And by "magic," I don't mean literal magic like Wizards and witches casting spells. I mean there's a certain spark, a certain SOMETHING that does allow for this universe to exist as it currently does. There are syntaxes, equations or maybe even something else that vibrates throughout the universe in a way that my monkey brain can't understand that allows for this universe to work as it does. This universe does "solve." We see it every day, we just don't know how yet... But I firmly believe that it's nothing as simple and "HE/SHE made us and that was it now follow these rules to head towards salvation." It's going to be much more complex and nuanced than that. I have experienced some of this "magic" first hand. Miracles do happen every day... you just have to look hard enough.
4/8/2005
Paranoia: 90%
6/21/2015
Paranoia: 11%
Back in 2005, I was still completely isolated and never spent much time around people. But my mother would always tell me that something bad would happen to me if I went out, that people would hurt me and rape me. She instilled the fear of god in me. PEOPLE WERE BAD. EVERYONE YOU MEET WILL WANT TO AND TRY TO HURT YOU. I was TERRIFIED to leave my house, but I did it, anyway. And guess what? She was so wrong. SO wrong, it's silly. MOST people are actually decent human beings. Yes, there are assholes and psychopaths but they are not common (unless you align yourself with jerks and psychopaths, that is). I always found that the people that I attracted were decent. Sure, I've met some jerks and lost some friends but most of my friends HAVE been supportive and helpful throughout my life. I really couldn't have survived without my friends and my communities. So yeah, no paranoia for me, anymore. Just healthy skepticism and plenty of optimism when it comes to humanity.
4/8/2005
Work ethic: 36%
6/21/2015
Work ethic: 66%
Yeah, I totally work harder now as an adult than I did as a kid... but then, who doesn't, amirite?
4/8/2005
Sexuality: 23%
6/21/2015
Sexuality: 8%
I took this test when I was 19, before I had lost my virginity. I had been sexually abused as a child and sex was always super scary to me. I was always uncomfortable when it came to talking/doing anything sexual with a real person. Sure, I'd drool over boys on the TV but they were far, far, far away from me. And safe. Since then I have only been with 3 guys and I can totally see why my sexuality has dipped significantly. It's not even that I am scared of sex itself anymore (I actually enjoy it now whereas my first few years of sexual activity were terrible and horrifying for me) I abhor dating and the way men and women relate to each other sexually. It's disgusting. No one purely loves anyone, anymore. It's one giant game of stupid chess in which NO ONE is the winner because we all lose when we don't love each other openly and honestly. Ugh. #ForeverAlone
4/8/2005
Dependency: 63%
6/21/2015
Dependency: 27%
Back in 2005, I lived with my mom. Still super dependent on her, but did not want to be. Now in 2015, I am significantly less dependent on any one individual, but I AM dependent on people, networks and communities.
4/8/2005
Narcissism: 76%
6/21/2015
Narcissism: 41%
Back in 2005, I was isolated. Ten years later, I've learned to live and be around many people and I realized that there were other people's needs that needed to be taken care of, too. I was no longer isolated only concerned with my own needs. Now I was confronted with the needs of others and how to handle them. Which brings me to...
4/8/2005
Self absorbed: 90%
6/21/2015
Accomodation: 83%
There is no 2005 equivalent for Accomodation, this one appears to be new on the spectrum for me and Self Absorbed from 2005 is gone. But it makes sense. Over the last ten years, I have come to put others needs before mine, many, many times. I think it's because so many people have helped me and I just can't help but pay it forward. So I'm always going the extra mile for my friends. I like doing it, so I'm going to keep doing it.
4/8/2005
Romantic: 30%
6/21/2015
Romantic: 66%
It's funny because as jaded as I am about modern love, I romanticize REAL, unadulterated, unsullied, open and honest love and wish that I could be lucky enough to find it one day.
4/8/2005
Histrionic: 83%
6/21/2015
Histrionic: 58%
Although I still adore and live for applause and live performance, I no longer crave PERSONAL attention. I like just chilling not being bothered most of the time but I can't live without performance art. This is a fact of my life and who I am fundamentally as a person that will never change. I crave the energy exchange between the performer and the audience. It's a drug of it own.
4/8/2005
Artistic: 90%
6/21/2015
Artistic: 100%
Duh.
4/8/2005
Individuality: 90%
6/21/2015
Individuality: 100%
Double duh.
4/8/2005
Extraversion: 73%
6/21/2015
Extraversion: 94%
Triple duh. I feel like since moving to the Bay Area, I've become my avatar to the extreme. In the way I act, dress, speak and carry myself. I'm, like, the best me I can be out here. But at the same time, the worst me I can be. Such a fine line I'm walking...
4/8/2005
Adventurousness: 76%
6/21/2015
Adventurousness: 83%
Always been adventurous, I guess now even more so.
4/8/2005
Need to dominate: 76%
6/21/2015
Need to dominate: 83%
I consider myself a decent leader when I can muster up the mental capacity. I don't think I NEED to dominate, but I hate being submissive in any respect. I'll fight before I'm submissive to someone.
4/8/2005
Cautiousness: 83%
6/21/2015
Cautiousness: 75%
Only slightly less cautious than before. Not sure what this means.
4/8/2005
Stability: 10%
6/21/2015
Stability: 11%
Still feel no more stable and secure than I did 10 years ago. I'm still chasing after that feeling. One day it will come...
4/8/2005
Orderliness: 36%
6/21/2015
Orderliness: 0%
Yup. My life is literally a mess and completely in shambles right now. Spot on.
4/8/2005
Vanity: 50%
6/21/2015
Vanity: 75%
Slightly more vain since moving to San Francisco, TBH... I'm all about my fashion and style out here. It's my main mode of self-expression.
Well... that's it. This is my in depth analysis of myself over the last 10 years. Holy shit, it has been a fucking wild ride. @_@
Let's start with some of the more drastic changes:
4/8/2005
Avoidant: 83%
6/21/2015
Avoidant: 0%
This change shocked me the most. I've made it a big part of my "story" that I'm a pushover that avoids conflict at all costs. It was very true of me back when I was 19, but at 29, I guess I grew some balls somewhere along the line. Interesting.
4/8/2005
Intellectual: 36%
6/21/2015
Intellectual: 83%
This jumped at me, too. I looked further into what this implied and I realized that I have become much more of a rational thinker and problem solver over the years. Granted, not as much as I would like or as much as other people, but I have grown in that department. Yay, me.
4/8/2005
Hypersensitivity: 90%
6/21/2015
Hypersensitivity: 11%
WTF? This shocked the fuck out of me. I even took the quiz a few more times just to see how accurate it was. The numbers fluctuated only slightly each time I took the quiz, but not much. This remained between 11-20%. Why? ESPECIALLY since I have been having hella panic attacks. I combed through my memory banks and, for as much as I panic, I go through way more shit on a day-to-day basis than what I actually panic over. I panic when there's just no hope, but I can tackle the rest of the world pretty decently (with the exception of things regarding focusing and intense concentration). I still consider myself hypersensitive but I guess not nearly as much as I used to be. I have been holding down the fort decently, I guess.
4/8/2005
Interdependence: 30%
6/21/2015
Interdependence: 100%
Kind of whopping, huh? In 2005 I was 19 and still living at home, completely isolated and shut out from the world (except for the internet). I had no idea how to interact with real people for extended periods of time because I spent most of my time in my room alone. Since moving out/running away, I've been dependent on either a boyfriend or a community of people to help me because I haven't been able to do it myself. It makes complete sense for me to be 100% on this one... especially since I'm currently couch surfing since I got ran out of my house.
4/8/2005
Conflict seeking: 36%
6/21/2015
Conflict seeking: 0%
Yup, I hate conflict now more than ever. No surprise there. But I do find it funny that I am also 0% Avoidant. Which very clearly means that although I hate conflict and I won't start it, I am no longer afraid of it and I have no problem finishing it. Which... I have to say is true. Lately, I really haven't been taking much shit from people. I just don't have the time for it, anymore...
4/8/2005
Hedonism: 43%
6/21/2015
Hedonism: 72%
Pretty big change here. But I'll be honest, it's pretty much due to my time in San Francisco. I attribute this sudden rise in Hedonism to Saint Francis of Asisi (HEY, it's your city, bro. I merely hang out in it).
4/8/2005
Religious: 50%
6/21/2015
Religious: 0%
On the subject of RELIGION... Oh ho ho ho...Yeah, this one is a no brainer. I am 100% Anti-Religion. When I was younger, I was questioning it and was still feeling the guilty ties of Catholicism but now after 10 years of adulting... Not for me at all and I don't think it's for the greater good of humanity, either. I think there is merit to some of the schools of thought but Religion is a paradigm to control the masses and I will have none of it. And it's funny that we should mention Religion and control of the masses...
4/8/2005
Anti-authority: 63%
6/21/2015
Anti-authority: 100%
Yup. I was never down with authority, but 10 years into my adult life, even more so. Uggghhh... Power corrupts. It always, always does.
4/8/2005
Mystical: 43%
6/21/2015
Mystical: 83%
Now... while I do not believe in organized religion as a paradigm, I certainly do believe there is some fucking magic in the universe. And by "magic," I don't mean literal magic like Wizards and witches casting spells. I mean there's a certain spark, a certain SOMETHING that does allow for this universe to exist as it currently does. There are syntaxes, equations or maybe even something else that vibrates throughout the universe in a way that my monkey brain can't understand that allows for this universe to work as it does. This universe does "solve." We see it every day, we just don't know how yet... But I firmly believe that it's nothing as simple and "HE/SHE made us and that was it now follow these rules to head towards salvation." It's going to be much more complex and nuanced than that. I have experienced some of this "magic" first hand. Miracles do happen every day... you just have to look hard enough.
4/8/2005
Paranoia: 90%
6/21/2015
Paranoia: 11%
Back in 2005, I was still completely isolated and never spent much time around people. But my mother would always tell me that something bad would happen to me if I went out, that people would hurt me and rape me. She instilled the fear of god in me. PEOPLE WERE BAD. EVERYONE YOU MEET WILL WANT TO AND TRY TO HURT YOU. I was TERRIFIED to leave my house, but I did it, anyway. And guess what? She was so wrong. SO wrong, it's silly. MOST people are actually decent human beings. Yes, there are assholes and psychopaths but they are not common (unless you align yourself with jerks and psychopaths, that is). I always found that the people that I attracted were decent. Sure, I've met some jerks and lost some friends but most of my friends HAVE been supportive and helpful throughout my life. I really couldn't have survived without my friends and my communities. So yeah, no paranoia for me, anymore. Just healthy skepticism and plenty of optimism when it comes to humanity.
4/8/2005
Work ethic: 36%
6/21/2015
Work ethic: 66%
Yeah, I totally work harder now as an adult than I did as a kid... but then, who doesn't, amirite?
4/8/2005
Sexuality: 23%
6/21/2015
Sexuality: 8%
I took this test when I was 19, before I had lost my virginity. I had been sexually abused as a child and sex was always super scary to me. I was always uncomfortable when it came to talking/doing anything sexual with a real person. Sure, I'd drool over boys on the TV but they were far, far, far away from me. And safe. Since then I have only been with 3 guys and I can totally see why my sexuality has dipped significantly. It's not even that I am scared of sex itself anymore (I actually enjoy it now whereas my first few years of sexual activity were terrible and horrifying for me) I abhor dating and the way men and women relate to each other sexually. It's disgusting. No one purely loves anyone, anymore. It's one giant game of stupid chess in which NO ONE is the winner because we all lose when we don't love each other openly and honestly. Ugh. #ForeverAlone
4/8/2005
Dependency: 63%
6/21/2015
Dependency: 27%
Back in 2005, I lived with my mom. Still super dependent on her, but did not want to be. Now in 2015, I am significantly less dependent on any one individual, but I AM dependent on people, networks and communities.
4/8/2005
Narcissism: 76%
6/21/2015
Narcissism: 41%
Back in 2005, I was isolated. Ten years later, I've learned to live and be around many people and I realized that there were other people's needs that needed to be taken care of, too. I was no longer isolated only concerned with my own needs. Now I was confronted with the needs of others and how to handle them. Which brings me to...
4/8/2005
Self absorbed: 90%
6/21/2015
Accomodation: 83%
There is no 2005 equivalent for Accomodation, this one appears to be new on the spectrum for me and Self Absorbed from 2005 is gone. But it makes sense. Over the last ten years, I have come to put others needs before mine, many, many times. I think it's because so many people have helped me and I just can't help but pay it forward. So I'm always going the extra mile for my friends. I like doing it, so I'm going to keep doing it.
4/8/2005
Romantic: 30%
6/21/2015
Romantic: 66%
It's funny because as jaded as I am about modern love, I romanticize REAL, unadulterated, unsullied, open and honest love and wish that I could be lucky enough to find it one day.
4/8/2005
Histrionic: 83%
6/21/2015
Histrionic: 58%
Although I still adore and live for applause and live performance, I no longer crave PERSONAL attention. I like just chilling not being bothered most of the time but I can't live without performance art. This is a fact of my life and who I am fundamentally as a person that will never change. I crave the energy exchange between the performer and the audience. It's a drug of it own.
4/8/2005
Artistic: 90%
6/21/2015
Artistic: 100%
Duh.
4/8/2005
Individuality: 90%
6/21/2015
Individuality: 100%
Double duh.
4/8/2005
Extraversion: 73%
6/21/2015
Extraversion: 94%
Triple duh. I feel like since moving to the Bay Area, I've become my avatar to the extreme. In the way I act, dress, speak and carry myself. I'm, like, the best me I can be out here. But at the same time, the worst me I can be. Such a fine line I'm walking...
4/8/2005
Adventurousness: 76%
6/21/2015
Adventurousness: 83%
Always been adventurous, I guess now even more so.
4/8/2005
Need to dominate: 76%
6/21/2015
Need to dominate: 83%
I consider myself a decent leader when I can muster up the mental capacity. I don't think I NEED to dominate, but I hate being submissive in any respect. I'll fight before I'm submissive to someone.
4/8/2005
Cautiousness: 83%
6/21/2015
Cautiousness: 75%
Only slightly less cautious than before. Not sure what this means.
4/8/2005
Stability: 10%
6/21/2015
Stability: 11%
Still feel no more stable and secure than I did 10 years ago. I'm still chasing after that feeling. One day it will come...
4/8/2005
Orderliness: 36%
6/21/2015
Orderliness: 0%
Yup. My life is literally a mess and completely in shambles right now. Spot on.
4/8/2005
Vanity: 50%
6/21/2015
Vanity: 75%
Slightly more vain since moving to San Francisco, TBH... I'm all about my fashion and style out here. It's my main mode of self-expression.
Well... that's it. This is my in depth analysis of myself over the last 10 years. Holy shit, it has been a fucking wild ride. @_@