(no subject)
boca life has been interesting to say the least in the past week and a half. my freshman year of college is over and needless to say i feel like i've grown exponentially compared to my past few teenage years, but at the same time have become a thousand times more immature. it's a great combination, in my opinion. the last week or so has been filled with friends and beaches and dinners out, accompanied by the occasional sketchy night at beach hotels in fort lauderdale and drunken rap concerts. i met this guy, and he's been calling me/texting me every day, and we hung out a few times so far. i really like hanging out with him and he's really cool.. but i don't feel that im interested in him as more than that.. and i told him kinda and he kind of denied being interested in me, so i dont know what's really going on there. but even after that we kept talking.. i don't really know what i expect from it at this point though. just taking it easy i guess. i really feel like at this point in time my heart feels kind of numb to the idea of boyfriends and love. im really happy on my own and i like not having anyone to deal with. yeah, i watch sappy movies and i want to fall in love again.. but im having so much fun and im so happy and i dont want anything to ruin that. i'm sure that if a boy walked into my life who gave me butterflies and made my voice shake whenever i saw him, my opinion would instantly change, though.
things have been going well in obtaining a job.. assuming that i didnt fail my drug test on friday i should hopefully be working at CVS as a pharm tech by the end of the week or the beginning of next. i cut all my long hair off, i felt like i needed a change and i really like it for now.
i'm excited for what i hope summer has to offer- relaxation, a job that will serve an actual purpose to my future, going to the gym, random trips with friends to miami and orlando and maybe the keys or something.. i just want to have fun. i feel like i started to kind of lose control of myself in the last few weeks of gainesville- well not really, but had i stayed another few weeks to a month i think i would have- im glad i came home to calm down a little. i love having fun and going out and drinking and stuff.. but i dont want that to become my life. its fun but in reasonable amounts.
i also feel like lately my parents and their friends have been grilling me about what i want from my life and what i expect and what i want to do.. but more and more i realize that the only real goal i have for myself is to be happy. i spent so much time being unhappy this past year.. that i don't ever want to be in that place again. nothing's worth bringing me down and i'm really glad i finally see that. i dont care necessarily what it is im doing as long as its making me smile and feel good inside.