wow. long time

[_asil_]

hey. so, im probably writing this only for the benifit of me. i seems like forever and ago when i wrote in this, like actually wrote like i right im my new lj. the entries, from hawaii about paris, it seems, i fell, i am a different person than i was then. she was, i was, so much more innocent and ignorant but in a good way, almost.i new more than i shoud have for my age, but not for me.. back then. god do i miss summer. Paris and hawaii, were terrific, really. i really miss them too. and i miss stetson and hillsdale and obx and snowdays where u actually went sledding and rhode island and disney world and orlando and camel beach and the game and .. so much more. it was nice then. i was more alive then. but im not worse now. i might be more tired, but not in a weary way. ive grown, probably. im not eating meat currently (lent). i .. care, about guys. im probably smarter too. although sometimes i think i was back then (back then a year ago back then), cause i was "wideyed" and curious and accepting and thirsty. now, ive drank, im full. i can definitely vouch that ur imagination fades as u age. not that im not creative mind you, im just not ... a child, a girl. it pains me to say that. i really do not like birthdays. ive got one coming up. 15. thats old... to the me then. to the me now... well its still old. i guess i can brace it. i guess i have to. im not.... scared with growing up. not as i was. ive learned to cherish.. the past, and what it is. that doesnt mean i dont miss it. terribly, actually, from time to time. and the future still seems danting, but ... ive learn to accept. the present. its not all that bad. its not like i decided "to give it a chance", it sorta just, hit me. im living it right? im remotely content right? (not completely-never am)i still wanna go back and be .. there for a little while. but then i wanna come back again. to here, to now. thats a good feeling.
luv ..asil..