Cali
So I've been in Cali for a little under 2 weeks.
I have realized a lot lately. I have had a break to think about the things that I want and want to be. I realized that I want to be that girl I was in high school that could care less what people thought about her. I want to go back to sophomore year when I had no friends and I was fine with that. I didnt cry, I just didnt care.
I met this lady here, named Stephanie. She is 50 years old and she is full of life. She has, and I quote, "tried everything" and she doesnt give a fuck what people think about her. Its so nice having someone around that is so "in your face" about everything, that will stand up for what she believes in and will say "fuck you" right to your face.
I have been questioning a lot of my relationships lately. And I realized that I miss Justin and Becca so much. They kept/keep me sane through some tough shit. They were/are the reason that I was able to handle things. I cannot wait to get back to those friendships.
Then I did some more thinking.
I realized that there are a lot of people that make me uncomfortable. I dont like bieng around them and they have no reason to give me the fucking attitude they do. With my new refreshing attitude, YOU BETTA BE-LIEVE that I AM going to speak up.
And then there are the people that have flat out just fucking disappeared like Jen, DJ and Hannah. These people that I was there for, some more than others and for longer periods of time, those that knew me, and that I had built some of my greatest friendships with but in the end it wasnt meant to be. I think about them every now and then, and I do mean, every now and then, and its sad to know that they walk around and have no guilt about ending friendships that were so strong but I believe that they within themselves have issues that they need to resolve. I did all that I can and now sadly after crying and carrying this guilt with me I am letting it go because I dont need to do this to myself. I AM BETTER/WORTH MORE THAN THAT.
Stephanie said to me today that I need to figure out what I am worth before anyone else can see it. And you know, she is so right. I dont deserve second-rate-half-ass people in my life. And maybe this is just the process of weeding those, that are not WORTH it. And I mean that.
So here I go...
I have realized a lot lately. I have had a break to think about the things that I want and want to be. I realized that I want to be that girl I was in high school that could care less what people thought about her. I want to go back to sophomore year when I had no friends and I was fine with that. I didnt cry, I just didnt care.
I met this lady here, named Stephanie. She is 50 years old and she is full of life. She has, and I quote, "tried everything" and she doesnt give a fuck what people think about her. Its so nice having someone around that is so "in your face" about everything, that will stand up for what she believes in and will say "fuck you" right to your face.
I have been questioning a lot of my relationships lately. And I realized that I miss Justin and Becca so much. They kept/keep me sane through some tough shit. They were/are the reason that I was able to handle things. I cannot wait to get back to those friendships.
Then I did some more thinking.
I realized that there are a lot of people that make me uncomfortable. I dont like bieng around them and they have no reason to give me the fucking attitude they do. With my new refreshing attitude, YOU BETTA BE-LIEVE that I AM going to speak up.
And then there are the people that have flat out just fucking disappeared like Jen, DJ and Hannah. These people that I was there for, some more than others and for longer periods of time, those that knew me, and that I had built some of my greatest friendships with but in the end it wasnt meant to be. I think about them every now and then, and I do mean, every now and then, and its sad to know that they walk around and have no guilt about ending friendships that were so strong but I believe that they within themselves have issues that they need to resolve. I did all that I can and now sadly after crying and carrying this guilt with me I am letting it go because I dont need to do this to myself. I AM BETTER/WORTH MORE THAN THAT.
Stephanie said to me today that I need to figure out what I am worth before anyone else can see it. And you know, she is so right. I dont deserve second-rate-half-ass people in my life. And maybe this is just the process of weeding those, that are not WORTH it. And I mean that.
So here I go...