This is going to be a long one...
I just realized today how deeply my own mania can run sometimes…
Milling around my room I found one of three lists from back in culinary school. What was this list? In the class your final is a list of times to make in a certain amount of time.
This list depending on how you write it is up to four pages long. It consists of almost 20 items to be made in a span of ten hours. Now mind you these Items range from ice cream and puff pastry to plated desserts and table setting. You have one deck oven at various temps and limited space in freezers and fridge. You have ONE ice cream machine and only 16 burner’s 4 of which are induction units that I can hear like a fucking dog whistle. Oh and there are 30 other students fighting for supplies?
On this sheet of paper I found written in mantra like intensity
Stop Caring- written seven times.
Don't let it bother you.
Don't let it bother you.
Followed by...
Stop caring four times.
Don't let it Bother you!
Swallow it back down.
Make it go away.
Make it go away..
MAKE IT GO AWAY!
Make it stop. Make it STOP.
Just stop...
go away.
Weirdness abounds.
Then the pressure of the last few weeks finally started to crack. My 3 year old sister hadn't gotten a nap it was about 9-ish and NOBODY WAS HELPPING!! Sometimes I feel like this kid is mine instead of my sister. The 14 year old is being pure bitch and not the good kinds that I support. In the span of today I'm done laundry dishes bathed and watched the damn kid. AND SHE'S NOT MINE!!!! In the last few days I've been the only one home with her because everyone has school and work, WHICH UP UNTILL A FEW DAYS AGO I HAD TOO! Mind you when I had said job I was still doing all the shit around the house.
Unless of course somebody had a day off and suddenly decided they wanted to help out which ment I my fucking help out too!!! I DON'T GET A FUCKING DAY OFF!!!!
My Birthday in about 24hours... I'm FUCKING done until SUNDAY; I'm doing DIDDLY and SHIT around the house. And DIDDLY just left the fucking state of Hawaii.
*sigh*
Sorry to cuss so much but it was needed.