(no subject)
I wish my life would turn out the way I want it to be. I want to live my life the way I want to. Apparently God has other plans for my life and doesn't understand the things I want. No, need. I need stability. I need friends who are actually my friends. I need a better social life. I need happiness. But most of all, I need a new life. I need something more than what I have, something better. Something that can keep my depression away. I'm not exagerrating, what I go through has to be depression. My dad is the only one who believes that it's depression. Not that he knows more than half of what I'm going through... but still, he understands. Jeremy obviously doesn't understand. I really can't even make fun of his social life, because mine's just as pathetic. Even though his is way worse, no lie.
I got back from the Cayman Islands yesterday. I really do miss it, even though that I did miss home. And Raul. But I miss not having to worry about what I'm doing everyday, or making plans because all of my plans focused around doing things with my family. No boys. Other than the Mexicans that I flirted the hell with, but no pictures with them. And even though I really hated myself for not asking for a picture with one of them, and missed opportunities, I'm sort of okay with that. Sort of. There was also a boy on the boat with the stingrays. He worked there... I don't know his name, but even though he tormented me the whole times with the stingrays and me crying and being a pansy, I loved his accent and the way he said my name. Oh heavens, I am pathetic.
I got back from the Cayman Islands yesterday. I really do miss it, even though that I did miss home. And Raul. But I miss not having to worry about what I'm doing everyday, or making plans because all of my plans focused around doing things with my family. No boys. Other than the Mexicans that I flirted the hell with, but no pictures with them. And even though I really hated myself for not asking for a picture with one of them, and missed opportunities, I'm sort of okay with that. Sort of. There was also a boy on the boat with the stingrays. He worked there... I don't know his name, but even though he tormented me the whole times with the stingrays and me crying and being a pansy, I loved his accent and the way he said my name. Oh heavens, I am pathetic.