[youjixnatsuo] Take Me By The Hand, Pt 1
Take Me By the Hand
[A Loveless zerolove fanfiction][PG-13][slash]
When Natsuo and Youji were younger: how they met, what they did, and how Zero can feel pain after all.
Loveless characters are copyright Kouga Yun.
Part One: Youji
*
Youji and Natsuo had first met when they were younger. Youji had been nine, and five years later meeting Natsuo was one of the best memories of his younger days. He remembered Nagisa-sensei, of course, and he remembered smiles and a woman who had taken care of him for a while, and he remember that Nagisa-sensei had told him to hurt her. And Nagisa-sensei had to be obeyed, so he gave her a hug, one last hug, and then he left her nailed to the wall.
It was his first real experience with cruelty, cruelty to another living human, beyond frying ants with magnifying glasses or pulling the wings off flies. Those were unspeaking little creatures - they had no voice, nothing to articulate their pain with. The woman who had raised him had a voice. She had cried and asked him why. And he had told her he was sorry, so sorry, but he had not used Nagisa-sensei as an excuse. He had called an ambulance before he went, though, and hid from Nagisa-sensei till he saw he woman - Mama - being cared for in good hands. Nagisa-sensei had been very angry. She had slapped him, said that he was only a Sacrifice. And Sacrifices were disposable, and if he ever defied her again he would be destroyed, because he was Zero, he was her creation.
At that point, he hadn’t really cared. And then she had taken Youji to a little room, with a desk, and a bed, and sitting cross-legged on the bed was another boy in an oversized black shirt and white shorts, with long, curling red hair and bright jade eyes. Nagisa-sensei smiled prettily and flounced over t the other boy. ‘Natsuo! Meet Youji! He’ll be your Sacrifice from today on, and he’ll stay here with you from now onwards, okay?’ She guided Youji over to the bed and sat him down.
Natsuo nodded. ’Yes, Nagisa-sensei.’
‘Alright! I’ll leave you two, then!’
Natsuo gazed at his Sacrifice, barely noticing that Nagisa-sensei had shut the door behind her. Youji was about his age, with beautiful turquoise hair, straight unlike his own, and clear lavender eyes. Youji was... pretty. Both of them sat silently for several minutes, taking in each other and taking the measure of each other. Youji was wary - Nagisa-sensei was not above hurting him, he was not above hurting others. This Natsuo might be the same, even if he was Youji’s sentouki.
But Youji’s suspicions lasted only as long as it took for Natsuo to turn, grab a teddy bear that had been sitting at the side of the bed and offer it to Youji with a disarming smile. ‘Here, you can have my bear.’
Youji took it without comment. It was one-eyed, soft and floppy, proof of long use, but careful, clumsy stitches across a rip told him Natsuo had treasured it deeply. Youji cuddled it for a moment, then tentatively held it back out to Natsuo. ‘Let’s share, shall we?’
Natsuo took it and smiled in return. ‘Thank you, Youji.’
‘Do you have the birthmark?’ Youji asked abruptly. ‘The one that says ‘0’.’
‘Mm!’ Natsuo answered enthusiastically, turning to pull his shirt up, displaying the black-printed number on the small of his back, a bare few inches above his tail, the pants riding low on his hips. Youji reached out, traced the mark with a fingernail. Natsuo quivered at the touch and purred lightly before turning to Youji. ‘You have the birthmark too, ne, Youji?’
‘Of course,’ Youji replied, turning so his back faced Natsuo. Natsuo crept closer and lifted the shirt, letting his eyes fall on the name, stark against Youji’s paler skin. He leaned forward to get a closer look - it was difficult to see his own birthmark, since he needed to get a mirror and twist in all kinds of funny ways. Youji smelt nice, Natsuo realized. Warm. Young. Soft. He breathed in deeply again, exhaled softly against the skin.
Youji yelped and Natsuo backed away. ‘Gomen, Youji! I - I didn’t mean -’
‘It’s alright, Natsuo,’ Youji hurriedly said, reaching out a hand to rest it against Natsuo’s arm. ‘You just surprised me, that’s all.’
‘Okay then,’ Natsuo replied, moving closer again. When Youji didn’t object, he moved even closer, finally putting his head down on Youji’s lap. Youji didn’t object, threading fingers through Natsuo’s hair softly. It felt nice, the strands sifting through his hands lazily.
Natsuo smiled up at Youji. ‘Ne, Youji. We’ll be Sacrifice and sentouki forever, ne? Forever and ever.’
‘Why the question?’ Youji asked curiously, sensing the sudden - if subtle tension - that had suffused Natsuo’s small, lithe body.
‘Nagisa-sensei said... she said that Sacrifices were only there to stop us sentouki from getting hurt too bad. If my first Sacrifice died, she’d just get me another,’ Natsuo said quietly. ‘And... and I think I don’t want another Sacrifice. Just Youji.’
Youji grinned on impulse, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Natsuo’s forehead. ‘I promise, Natsuo. We’ll be together forever and ever, no matter what Nagisa-sensei says.’
‘That’s good,’ Natsuo murmured decisively. ‘I don’t really like Nagisa-sensei, sometimes.’
‘She’s alright, I guess,’ Youji shrugged. Natsuo seemed younger than he did, somehow, even if they were probably the same age, created at the same time as each other by Nagisa-sensei. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why he felt like he knew Natsuo, from some time before this meeting. Maybe that’s why he felt the urge to protect Natsuo as an instinct, to take the hurt for him even if both of them would never know pain. Natsuo was... innocent, maybe. ‘Did you always live with Nagisa-sensei?’
‘Yes,’ Natsuo answered hesitantly. ‘She can be nice, but sometimes she can be quite angry. Like whenever she met this person called Ritsu-sensei. Nagisa-sensei is okay, but Ritsu-sensei is scary, He treated me like I was dirt, and when he talked to Nagisa-sensei, he called me her ‘experiment’. There was a little boy with him, and he - he just didn’t look happy. So I guess things could be worse.’
Youji figured. Nagisa-sensei would have protected her favourite sentouki more than her Sacrifices - and Youji wasn’t just talking about the physical sense. After all, Natsuo was the first of the prized Zero Fighters, even though Nagisa-sensei kept hinting that there were more in the works.
But still...
‘Natsuo? Can I ask you something?’
‘Youji can ask me anything. He’s my Sacrifice.’
‘Have... have you ever hurt anyone?’ It seemed unlikely.
‘Yeah.’ The admission was neither proud, nor was it ashamed - merely a statement of fact. ‘Nagisa-sensei made me fight a lot of other sentouki. She told me to fight to kill, because she said that otherwise they’d kill me. And I couldn’t let myself be killed, or else I would never have met Youji. So I killed them all, one by one at first, and then two by two, and then three by three, and then they were all dead, and Nagisa-sensei said I did well. Did I, Youji?’
Youji was stunned, but he recovered quickly. To kill a person... to kill so many, so soon, so carelessly... what is he? The answer followed immediately. He’s my sentouki. ‘Of course, Natsuo.’
Natsuo smiled sleepily and yawned before replying to Youji. ‘A lot of them screamed, though. When I cut them or something. Is that what it means to feel pain, Youji?’
‘I wouldn’t know,’ he answered. ‘I’m Zero too.’
‘Yes,’ Natsuo said thoughtfully, gazing up at Youji, playing with a strand of turquoise hair. ‘Doesn’t it make you curious, sometimes, though?’
‘Sometimes,’ Youji admitted. ‘But I wouldn’t care for it. Pain doesn’t seem to be a good thing, if it makes people cry.’
‘I guess,’ Natsuo murmured, more to himself than Youji. ‘But Ritsu-sensei was saying something to Nagisa-sensei, about why we would fail eventually. He said that pain was a warning. It was an indicator that you were still alive. Does that mean we’re not alive, Youji?’
‘I don’t know,’ Youji answered, confusion flashing through his mind. Why was Natsuo bringing all this up? He had never thought about any of this before. He had never really cared that he would hold hot stuff and his skin would blister, or that he would spend too long in the sun and his skin would start to peel, and he never felt any of it. It had never mattered. In fact, it still didn’t. All that mattered... ‘All that matters is that we’re together now.’
Natsuo’s smile to him was radiant. ‘Mmhmm,’ he agreed, snuggling even closer, if that were possible. Youji eased Natsuo off his lap, lying down beside his red-haired sentouki. Natsuo’s arm snuck over him instinctively, the other hand reaching to find Youji’s.
‘That’s all that matters,’ he whispered again. Natsuo said nothing, pressing closer in response, their fingers interlacing.
[A Loveless zerolove fanfiction][PG-13][slash]
When Natsuo and Youji were younger: how they met, what they did, and how Zero can feel pain after all.
Loveless characters are copyright Kouga Yun.
Part One: Youji
*
Youji and Natsuo had first met when they were younger. Youji had been nine, and five years later meeting Natsuo was one of the best memories of his younger days. He remembered Nagisa-sensei, of course, and he remembered smiles and a woman who had taken care of him for a while, and he remember that Nagisa-sensei had told him to hurt her. And Nagisa-sensei had to be obeyed, so he gave her a hug, one last hug, and then he left her nailed to the wall.
It was his first real experience with cruelty, cruelty to another living human, beyond frying ants with magnifying glasses or pulling the wings off flies. Those were unspeaking little creatures - they had no voice, nothing to articulate their pain with. The woman who had raised him had a voice. She had cried and asked him why. And he had told her he was sorry, so sorry, but he had not used Nagisa-sensei as an excuse. He had called an ambulance before he went, though, and hid from Nagisa-sensei till he saw he woman - Mama - being cared for in good hands. Nagisa-sensei had been very angry. She had slapped him, said that he was only a Sacrifice. And Sacrifices were disposable, and if he ever defied her again he would be destroyed, because he was Zero, he was her creation.
At that point, he hadn’t really cared. And then she had taken Youji to a little room, with a desk, and a bed, and sitting cross-legged on the bed was another boy in an oversized black shirt and white shorts, with long, curling red hair and bright jade eyes. Nagisa-sensei smiled prettily and flounced over t the other boy. ‘Natsuo! Meet Youji! He’ll be your Sacrifice from today on, and he’ll stay here with you from now onwards, okay?’ She guided Youji over to the bed and sat him down.
Natsuo nodded. ’Yes, Nagisa-sensei.’
‘Alright! I’ll leave you two, then!’
Natsuo gazed at his Sacrifice, barely noticing that Nagisa-sensei had shut the door behind her. Youji was about his age, with beautiful turquoise hair, straight unlike his own, and clear lavender eyes. Youji was... pretty. Both of them sat silently for several minutes, taking in each other and taking the measure of each other. Youji was wary - Nagisa-sensei was not above hurting him, he was not above hurting others. This Natsuo might be the same, even if he was Youji’s sentouki.
But Youji’s suspicions lasted only as long as it took for Natsuo to turn, grab a teddy bear that had been sitting at the side of the bed and offer it to Youji with a disarming smile. ‘Here, you can have my bear.’
Youji took it without comment. It was one-eyed, soft and floppy, proof of long use, but careful, clumsy stitches across a rip told him Natsuo had treasured it deeply. Youji cuddled it for a moment, then tentatively held it back out to Natsuo. ‘Let’s share, shall we?’
Natsuo took it and smiled in return. ‘Thank you, Youji.’
‘Do you have the birthmark?’ Youji asked abruptly. ‘The one that says ‘0’.’
‘Mm!’ Natsuo answered enthusiastically, turning to pull his shirt up, displaying the black-printed number on the small of his back, a bare few inches above his tail, the pants riding low on his hips. Youji reached out, traced the mark with a fingernail. Natsuo quivered at the touch and purred lightly before turning to Youji. ‘You have the birthmark too, ne, Youji?’
‘Of course,’ Youji replied, turning so his back faced Natsuo. Natsuo crept closer and lifted the shirt, letting his eyes fall on the name, stark against Youji’s paler skin. He leaned forward to get a closer look - it was difficult to see his own birthmark, since he needed to get a mirror and twist in all kinds of funny ways. Youji smelt nice, Natsuo realized. Warm. Young. Soft. He breathed in deeply again, exhaled softly against the skin.
Youji yelped and Natsuo backed away. ‘Gomen, Youji! I - I didn’t mean -’
‘It’s alright, Natsuo,’ Youji hurriedly said, reaching out a hand to rest it against Natsuo’s arm. ‘You just surprised me, that’s all.’
‘Okay then,’ Natsuo replied, moving closer again. When Youji didn’t object, he moved even closer, finally putting his head down on Youji’s lap. Youji didn’t object, threading fingers through Natsuo’s hair softly. It felt nice, the strands sifting through his hands lazily.
Natsuo smiled up at Youji. ‘Ne, Youji. We’ll be Sacrifice and sentouki forever, ne? Forever and ever.’
‘Why the question?’ Youji asked curiously, sensing the sudden - if subtle tension - that had suffused Natsuo’s small, lithe body.
‘Nagisa-sensei said... she said that Sacrifices were only there to stop us sentouki from getting hurt too bad. If my first Sacrifice died, she’d just get me another,’ Natsuo said quietly. ‘And... and I think I don’t want another Sacrifice. Just Youji.’
Youji grinned on impulse, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Natsuo’s forehead. ‘I promise, Natsuo. We’ll be together forever and ever, no matter what Nagisa-sensei says.’
‘That’s good,’ Natsuo murmured decisively. ‘I don’t really like Nagisa-sensei, sometimes.’
‘She’s alright, I guess,’ Youji shrugged. Natsuo seemed younger than he did, somehow, even if they were probably the same age, created at the same time as each other by Nagisa-sensei. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why he felt like he knew Natsuo, from some time before this meeting. Maybe that’s why he felt the urge to protect Natsuo as an instinct, to take the hurt for him even if both of them would never know pain. Natsuo was... innocent, maybe. ‘Did you always live with Nagisa-sensei?’
‘Yes,’ Natsuo answered hesitantly. ‘She can be nice, but sometimes she can be quite angry. Like whenever she met this person called Ritsu-sensei. Nagisa-sensei is okay, but Ritsu-sensei is scary, He treated me like I was dirt, and when he talked to Nagisa-sensei, he called me her ‘experiment’. There was a little boy with him, and he - he just didn’t look happy. So I guess things could be worse.’
Youji figured. Nagisa-sensei would have protected her favourite sentouki more than her Sacrifices - and Youji wasn’t just talking about the physical sense. After all, Natsuo was the first of the prized Zero Fighters, even though Nagisa-sensei kept hinting that there were more in the works.
But still...
‘Natsuo? Can I ask you something?’
‘Youji can ask me anything. He’s my Sacrifice.’
‘Have... have you ever hurt anyone?’ It seemed unlikely.
‘Yeah.’ The admission was neither proud, nor was it ashamed - merely a statement of fact. ‘Nagisa-sensei made me fight a lot of other sentouki. She told me to fight to kill, because she said that otherwise they’d kill me. And I couldn’t let myself be killed, or else I would never have met Youji. So I killed them all, one by one at first, and then two by two, and then three by three, and then they were all dead, and Nagisa-sensei said I did well. Did I, Youji?’
Youji was stunned, but he recovered quickly. To kill a person... to kill so many, so soon, so carelessly... what is he? The answer followed immediately. He’s my sentouki. ‘Of course, Natsuo.’
Natsuo smiled sleepily and yawned before replying to Youji. ‘A lot of them screamed, though. When I cut them or something. Is that what it means to feel pain, Youji?’
‘I wouldn’t know,’ he answered. ‘I’m Zero too.’
‘Yes,’ Natsuo said thoughtfully, gazing up at Youji, playing with a strand of turquoise hair. ‘Doesn’t it make you curious, sometimes, though?’
‘Sometimes,’ Youji admitted. ‘But I wouldn’t care for it. Pain doesn’t seem to be a good thing, if it makes people cry.’
‘I guess,’ Natsuo murmured, more to himself than Youji. ‘But Ritsu-sensei was saying something to Nagisa-sensei, about why we would fail eventually. He said that pain was a warning. It was an indicator that you were still alive. Does that mean we’re not alive, Youji?’
‘I don’t know,’ Youji answered, confusion flashing through his mind. Why was Natsuo bringing all this up? He had never thought about any of this before. He had never really cared that he would hold hot stuff and his skin would blister, or that he would spend too long in the sun and his skin would start to peel, and he never felt any of it. It had never mattered. In fact, it still didn’t. All that mattered... ‘All that matters is that we’re together now.’
Natsuo’s smile to him was radiant. ‘Mmhmm,’ he agreed, snuggling even closer, if that were possible. Youji eased Natsuo off his lap, lying down beside his red-haired sentouki. Natsuo’s arm snuck over him instinctively, the other hand reaching to find Youji’s.
‘That’s all that matters,’ he whispered again. Natsuo said nothing, pressing closer in response, their fingers interlacing.