A call of Desperation.....
You know I keep thinking to myself that any day it will come, when I get that call ...and my life changes in a matter of 3 hours. I'm desperate, Im anxious, Im ready already! Whats taking so long, so many people already got their kidney and they only been on the list for like 4 months! Im going on mya year in JUNE! I thought I had patience, but when your dealing with dialysis, and not being able to drink water, eat what i want. Im craving for a ham and melted cheese sandwhich. For dessert: a banana split. I cant have it, Im tired of living like this for four years..I want to be free, enjoy life with a kidney, a new one. I'm not selfish but just step into my small feet. I deal with nausea everyday after I take my Phos-lo (I guess cause I have to poop out that extra calcuim), I cant drink, eat whatever I please. Im skinny cause I dont eat. What I enjoy, is what I cannot eat. Im always tired, and my arm is all bruised up, and is noticiably swollen. But its not swollen, its just a fistula where the actual artery matures everytime Im doing treatment. So many people stare at me like Im some kind of alien, and whisper behind me like if I cant hear them. I mean I dont care, whatever they gotta say about me and my "disfigured arm". I still wear tank top, tube tops, like if nothing. What I do when I wear my revealing clothes I pretend its not there. But when I go out, its like April what were you thinking? You go to the mall, people pass by you and thats all they stare. I went to The Falls, some guy was pssing by real fast and he slowed down just to see my arm. Its nothing but bumps. Have you ever seen a bump? Im not complaining Im just irrated about it all. I have nothing but happiness when someone I dont even know askes me " What happened to your arm?" They want to know, I'll educate them, but dont just stare at me with weird looks and wander off in your own stupid imagination on how my arm got like that. Ask if your curious, and dont make it obvious, because I always know when people are looking at me. Whatever I got off the topic a bit but if you all just knew how close I am..all i need is just one phone call. Hopefully that will be the kidney I live for the rest of my life...
Besides feeling desperate, and anxious dialysis is alright. Four hours = Blah. But i have to live with it, and I started using the green needles (adult), and my arm was hurting towards the end but its okay. My blood pressure has been great, 110/ 60's. Anyway enough of rambling, just wanted to tell you what was up just in cause you all were worrying. Love you
VOTE FOR CONSTANTINE!!!!!!!!
Besides feeling desperate, and anxious dialysis is alright. Four hours = Blah. But i have to live with it, and I started using the green needles (adult), and my arm was hurting towards the end but its okay. My blood pressure has been great, 110/ 60's. Anyway enough of rambling, just wanted to tell you what was up just in cause you all were worrying. Love you
VOTE FOR CONSTANTINE!!!!!!!!