The famous line
"Can we be friends". This line is so over used but oh well. My hands are starting to sweat, I feel light headed, and I am getting dizzy, yet I am writing about it, which is good I suppose. My heart is beating so fast I am surprised I can't see the vibrations moving through my shirt from my rapid heart beat. My stomach is churning, what feeling is this? I have never felt like this before. Is this what I think it is? I am unaware of how to react, what to say. Should I act like I am ok? And like everything is fine? Should I cry a thousand tears or wipe them away and be strong? I have no friends, who do I go to? Who will listen? What am I supposed to do with my life now? Lucas is my life...rather...was my life. I thought my decision was clear, I thought my mind was made up. What has changed? Why do I feel this way? Why can't it just stop? Why are so many questions running through my head? Why can't any of them be answered? Is this the psychologist's idea of me getitng "better" ? Do they expect the medicines that I will be taking to make me forget about my pain? Do they think I will be happy? Without Lucas? How dare my parents do this to me. How dare them. Does my mother think she can have full control of my life by moving up here? Maybe she will have control, but what is going through her thoughts? Will these questions ever stop occuring through my thoughts? Will they ever just go away? Why can't I be like everyone else? Everyone around me seems so joyful and happy. Am I the only one in which bad things happen to ? Why do I feel all alone now? Do I feel betrayed? Why can't I get a solid answer with any of these damn questions? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY????????