Why...
So. It’s been a while. Hasn’t it? Where should I start. I guess about a year ago would be the best place to start. Back when I was given the Uchiha and the Hyuuga to train. Not like I ever liked teaching really, it is not really cut out for my life style. I was given a mission by Tsunade. S-Rank. Top Secret.
Tsunade’s mission to me was to observe Orochimaru from inside Sound. So after the journey to Sound, I infiltrated and began for almost eight long months watching from the shadows. She figured as I was trained by Orochimaru and outside from a few like her self, knew Orochimaru the best. So she wanted it to be me.
Stealth has never been one of my greatest skills but for eight months I remained hidden. Until one day I heard rumor that Sound was working with Lightning to invade Leaf. And I even saw a large group of Sound Nin leave for Leaf. But it was the Merchant Caravan I saw leave for Sand during this time that drew my suspicions. I could not be sure it was Orochimaru but... as I stared at the caravan leave. The seal hurt. I knew he was in it, him and that sick group of his.
For a month I stayed in the shadows of his caravan as it neared Sand. I was sure no one saw me. I was sure no one knew I was there. But, my master is better then I am. He knew I was there. For how long he knew I was in the shadows watching, I do not know. One minute I had my eyes on what I believed to be Orochimaru, the next moment I am being ambushed by Members of the Sound Five. Considering the odds, I was quickly subdued and took back to Orochimaru.
Right to Orochimaru. He tried to get information from me. He tried to tempt me like he used to. He tried everything to get me to talk but I would not. I could not. I had my chance to fight Orochimaru and finally settle my score with him but I could not. Between the torture and the beatings I barley lacked the strength to stand.
I do not know how long I was imprisoned by Orochimaru. I do not dare dread on these memories either. I just remember a Leaf Rescue squad coming and saving me, then waking up in the Konoha Hospital with Shizune looking down at me with that worried expression of hers.
Its been two months since then. I’ve done little to contact my friends. Shizune, Kurenai, anyone else. I am sorry. I’ve just needed to be alone. Not even the news of Ibiki has cheered me up, normally I’d be delighted beyond words to find out he was in prison. But this time I do not think anything can help me. Once again I survived. I should have died by Orochimaru’s hands yet again. I should be happy I survived, but I am not. Either me or him should have died. I can not accept being alive, I got careless. I got spotted. Orochimaru should have just finished me off. He is better then I am. I should just stop trying to avoid that fact.
I doubt I will ever be able to be his match. He is years ahead of me. The only way I could ever hope to match him is through time. Which I am afraid he has more of then I do... Unless... I could take that out of the equation. Sooner or later I can get as good as Orochimaru and maybe... finally... put my self at rest.
Why do I keep on living...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OOC: For those who knew, I was pregnant the last few months. Which is why a lot of my time has been spent away from the roleplay. But a month and a half ago I went into premature labor, almost 10 weeks premature. I was carrying twins but one of them died in my womb which caused me to go into labor. The other one is doign fine and still in the ICU. But that is why I have been kind of awol from AOL the last few weeks. Ive just been going through a lot. I am sorry to be slacking in the NarutoRP. I promise you all I will get active with both characters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tsunade’s mission to me was to observe Orochimaru from inside Sound. So after the journey to Sound, I infiltrated and began for almost eight long months watching from the shadows. She figured as I was trained by Orochimaru and outside from a few like her self, knew Orochimaru the best. So she wanted it to be me.
Stealth has never been one of my greatest skills but for eight months I remained hidden. Until one day I heard rumor that Sound was working with Lightning to invade Leaf. And I even saw a large group of Sound Nin leave for Leaf. But it was the Merchant Caravan I saw leave for Sand during this time that drew my suspicions. I could not be sure it was Orochimaru but... as I stared at the caravan leave. The seal hurt. I knew he was in it, him and that sick group of his.
For a month I stayed in the shadows of his caravan as it neared Sand. I was sure no one saw me. I was sure no one knew I was there. But, my master is better then I am. He knew I was there. For how long he knew I was in the shadows watching, I do not know. One minute I had my eyes on what I believed to be Orochimaru, the next moment I am being ambushed by Members of the Sound Five. Considering the odds, I was quickly subdued and took back to Orochimaru.
Right to Orochimaru. He tried to get information from me. He tried to tempt me like he used to. He tried everything to get me to talk but I would not. I could not. I had my chance to fight Orochimaru and finally settle my score with him but I could not. Between the torture and the beatings I barley lacked the strength to stand.
I do not know how long I was imprisoned by Orochimaru. I do not dare dread on these memories either. I just remember a Leaf Rescue squad coming and saving me, then waking up in the Konoha Hospital with Shizune looking down at me with that worried expression of hers.
Its been two months since then. I’ve done little to contact my friends. Shizune, Kurenai, anyone else. I am sorry. I’ve just needed to be alone. Not even the news of Ibiki has cheered me up, normally I’d be delighted beyond words to find out he was in prison. But this time I do not think anything can help me. Once again I survived. I should have died by Orochimaru’s hands yet again. I should be happy I survived, but I am not. Either me or him should have died. I can not accept being alive, I got careless. I got spotted. Orochimaru should have just finished me off. He is better then I am. I should just stop trying to avoid that fact.
I doubt I will ever be able to be his match. He is years ahead of me. The only way I could ever hope to match him is through time. Which I am afraid he has more of then I do... Unless... I could take that out of the equation. Sooner or later I can get as good as Orochimaru and maybe... finally... put my self at rest.
Why do I keep on living...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OOC: For those who knew, I was pregnant the last few months. Which is why a lot of my time has been spent away from the roleplay. But a month and a half ago I went into premature labor, almost 10 weeks premature. I was carrying twins but one of them died in my womb which caused me to go into labor. The other one is doign fine and still in the ICU. But that is why I have been kind of awol from AOL the last few weeks. Ive just been going through a lot. I am sorry to be slacking in the NarutoRP. I promise you all I will get active with both characters.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~