this feeling....
its been a while since i updated this thing, let alone read friends' journal entries. lets just say that its been a rough couple months just adjusting to whatever it was that needed adjusting. that needed extra attention. that needed me to stop and think... lets just leave it at that.
dinner today really surprised me. who would have thought that we would get together for her birthday... and then sit and talk for HOURS about work, marriage, and kids. 12 kids, eh. good luck getting someone that wants the same!! okay- meet HALF WAY and shoot for 6... hahhahaa. i think we all needed that. or atleast i did. i needed to surround myself with a picture perfect moment.
I realized that conversations of the past is the remedy for my happiness in the present and future. those little things are what warms my heart. from walnut jars to humanities' drunkeness to eggs and bacon flying over our heads at salty's brunch. dont forget thanh's house..oh no, no one will forget THAT house. each and every one of us has a memory to share of that place. i love that we can sit and talk over bento boxes and tea. yeah, we're old.
okay, now i'm ready to talk. sometime in august, i lost my mind and found my heart. i cried for 30 days. 31 days actually. i didnt want anyone to make any attempts because i knew it just would not work. i knew THIS was something i really had to contemplate. i secluded myself. i slept at 6pm. i woke up at 7am. everyday for weeks. it wasnt my normal depression mode. it was different. i talked to myself and it seemed to help. slowly i let people in and knew that they were there with me all along, waiting patiently. i thank you all. and though i still could not tell you what went wrong, i know that you respect that we leave it be.
this change has gotten the best of us. i not only feel the difference, i can see it. its crystal clear now. i am starting to smile again and its because of all this. i know that things will never just go my way but i know that with time, things will turn out all right.
i'm sleeping a better pattern now. i'm feeling a little less anxiety now. and i can feel my heart beat to a different tune now.
all i can do is wait.
dinner today really surprised me. who would have thought that we would get together for her birthday... and then sit and talk for HOURS about work, marriage, and kids. 12 kids, eh. good luck getting someone that wants the same!! okay- meet HALF WAY and shoot for 6... hahhahaa. i think we all needed that. or atleast i did. i needed to surround myself with a picture perfect moment.
I realized that conversations of the past is the remedy for my happiness in the present and future. those little things are what warms my heart. from walnut jars to humanities' drunkeness to eggs and bacon flying over our heads at salty's brunch. dont forget thanh's house..oh no, no one will forget THAT house. each and every one of us has a memory to share of that place. i love that we can sit and talk over bento boxes and tea. yeah, we're old.
okay, now i'm ready to talk. sometime in august, i lost my mind and found my heart. i cried for 30 days. 31 days actually. i didnt want anyone to make any attempts because i knew it just would not work. i knew THIS was something i really had to contemplate. i secluded myself. i slept at 6pm. i woke up at 7am. everyday for weeks. it wasnt my normal depression mode. it was different. i talked to myself and it seemed to help. slowly i let people in and knew that they were there with me all along, waiting patiently. i thank you all. and though i still could not tell you what went wrong, i know that you respect that we leave it be.
this change has gotten the best of us. i not only feel the difference, i can see it. its crystal clear now. i am starting to smile again and its because of all this. i know that things will never just go my way but i know that with time, things will turn out all right.
i'm sleeping a better pattern now. i'm feeling a little less anxiety now. and i can feel my heart beat to a different tune now.
all i can do is wait.