I have no subject
Life. What is is all about? This entry is pretty much going to be a long ramble about my life. If you don't want to read, stop now.
I've been listening to this song ( Picture- Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow) for the past few days on repeat. Comparing it to my life, to my friends, to my past boyfriends/girlfriends. I'm not fueling up on heart aches on cheap whine. Well, Maybe the heart aches.
Sometimes, I wonder what would have been, if I stayed with this person, or I was still friends with that person. Would I myself be a different person? Or would I still be this way. Would I have different opinions on things, like sexuality, like music. anything. If I still associated with certain people would I have the amazing friends I have now? Probably not.
if I were still around the people I knew a year ago even, would I still be that way? Would I still be trapped in that cloud of self doubt and hate? Who am I kidding? I still am. It just manifests it self in different way. Everyone knows, but they never saying anything to me. I'm the same person I was 1-2 years ago. Sure, I look different, I have a new group of friends but that doesnt mean that I am any different at all. Because I'm not.
Now whoever is still reading this, you are probably thinking "Oh brittany shut up, stop complaining"
and maybe your right.
But I can't. This is something that has been bothering me for the past 2-3 weeks. I dont even know why. up untill now I never though about this.
ever.
I find myself telling the select few whom I love very much, all the time how I feel. and I never used to do this before. I feel woo is me. Do I appear this way? Do I sound like I am making everything all about me, all the time? I hope not. Its not how it is.
What happened to people asking me for advice? its the other way now. I have constant self doubt. I never believe in me, or anything I do lately. Is it maybe that I am dropping the fascade I've had up for so long? Maybe I am sick of this so-called life. Maybe I am sick of being happy all the time. Im not. Why should I have to appear this way?
I shouldn't.
I'm not always going to ge happy. Thats not how life works.
I'm sorry.
I'm growing away from my bestfriends I and I suppose making new ones if thats even possible. I have a self worth issue. Why cannot I not just be happy?
There is this Tegan an Sara song called "Don't Confess" and there is this part and it says
"You won't get better til you get worse" maybe its true, maybe it, I, won't get better till I get worse.
I'm basically done whinning about my life now.
If you feel the need to tell me to STFU.
Go for it.
I've been listening to this song ( Picture- Kid Rock, Sheryl Crow) for the past few days on repeat. Comparing it to my life, to my friends, to my past boyfriends/girlfriends. I'm not fueling up on heart aches on cheap whine. Well, Maybe the heart aches.
Sometimes, I wonder what would have been, if I stayed with this person, or I was still friends with that person. Would I myself be a different person? Or would I still be this way. Would I have different opinions on things, like sexuality, like music. anything. If I still associated with certain people would I have the amazing friends I have now? Probably not.
if I were still around the people I knew a year ago even, would I still be that way? Would I still be trapped in that cloud of self doubt and hate? Who am I kidding? I still am. It just manifests it self in different way. Everyone knows, but they never saying anything to me. I'm the same person I was 1-2 years ago. Sure, I look different, I have a new group of friends but that doesnt mean that I am any different at all. Because I'm not.
Now whoever is still reading this, you are probably thinking "Oh brittany shut up, stop complaining"
and maybe your right.
But I can't. This is something that has been bothering me for the past 2-3 weeks. I dont even know why. up untill now I never though about this.
ever.
I find myself telling the select few whom I love very much, all the time how I feel. and I never used to do this before. I feel woo is me. Do I appear this way? Do I sound like I am making everything all about me, all the time? I hope not. Its not how it is.
What happened to people asking me for advice? its the other way now. I have constant self doubt. I never believe in me, or anything I do lately. Is it maybe that I am dropping the fascade I've had up for so long? Maybe I am sick of this so-called life. Maybe I am sick of being happy all the time. Im not. Why should I have to appear this way?
I shouldn't.
I'm not always going to ge happy. Thats not how life works.
I'm sorry.
I'm growing away from my bestfriends I and I suppose making new ones if thats even possible. I have a self worth issue. Why cannot I not just be happy?
There is this Tegan an Sara song called "Don't Confess" and there is this part and it says
"You won't get better til you get worse" maybe its true, maybe it, I, won't get better till I get worse.
I'm basically done whinning about my life now.
If you feel the need to tell me to STFU.
Go for it.