(no subject)
ive been trying desperately to spend money for three days and havent found anything worth buying. this afternoon i forced myself to buy running shoes and useless shirts and $50 worth of candy because something huge is missing and i thought shopping would help. tonight i ate an assortment of chocolates for dinner and chugged a quadruple shot latte during my break. i feel robotic and tired and all i really want to do is spend a lazy afternoon having a picnic in the park. but im not used to that so i try and fill voids with stupid purchases and fake smiles and im starting to wear thin. people are noticing.
when i got too busy i couldnt concentrate on more than one person, so i shut everyone out for two entire years of my life. its nice learning what its like to be friends again. hes too good for me, and i know it, and thats why hes the only boy i could ever be friends with. he promised he'd reteach me how to sail. he makes my world feel small. and thats all i want.
i told him id like to send him something. he said 'howre things?' and i didnt answer because theres a twelve year difference between his things and mine. he used up three strikes plus within the first hour of our conversation and all i need is a little bit of closure. someday id like to think of myself as a good person.
'id get killed,' he said, but i ignored him and told him we'd have absinthe for breakfast.
when i got too busy i couldnt concentrate on more than one person, so i shut everyone out for two entire years of my life. its nice learning what its like to be friends again. hes too good for me, and i know it, and thats why hes the only boy i could ever be friends with. he promised he'd reteach me how to sail. he makes my world feel small. and thats all i want.
i told him id like to send him something. he said 'howre things?' and i didnt answer because theres a twelve year difference between his things and mine. he used up three strikes plus within the first hour of our conversation and all i need is a little bit of closure. someday id like to think of myself as a good person.
'id get killed,' he said, but i ignored him and told him we'd have absinthe for breakfast.