(no subject)
i am so in love. is this what it was supposed to be like? all that time? i never worry about losing him to some bimbo with a tiny waist in a bar on a drunken tuesday night. he brings me coffee in the mornings we spend together and is so sweet and kind and adorable with his dog. he plays basketball and football and makes pizza for a living. i don't even know what my friends think anymore. i could do better? he could do better? i'm not a good person, like i used to think i was.
i think about high school a lot. what was so different in me? why was i the only person in the top ten who could not graduate college? i still feel like it was yesterday but... it's going on 6 years ago. why did i go and fall in love instead? then waste 3 more years wondering, what went wrong, what could i have done differently? i'm over it now and have no idea where to go. i'm ready to completely immerse myself into SOMETHING and suddenly, there is nothing that interests me, besides creative writing which i have a huge feeling is a waste of TIME and MONEY
i've been looking for a new job, a 9-5. all i want is enough money to pay my bills. i want to come home at the same time every day, and write and go to the gym, the only things that make me really feel like a human being, without being drunk or high. i want to travel. a small part of me wants to plan this secret vacation to some small town in oklahoma and escape for a week and see what i see. or, anywhere, really. the only catch being i want to go ALONE, and be in some basically boring place because i always feel so inspired by any place that is not one i belong to, and i find the smallest things fascinating. a new landscape. a different sky.
i think about high school a lot. what was so different in me? why was i the only person in the top ten who could not graduate college? i still feel like it was yesterday but... it's going on 6 years ago. why did i go and fall in love instead? then waste 3 more years wondering, what went wrong, what could i have done differently? i'm over it now and have no idea where to go. i'm ready to completely immerse myself into SOMETHING and suddenly, there is nothing that interests me, besides creative writing which i have a huge feeling is a waste of TIME and MONEY
i've been looking for a new job, a 9-5. all i want is enough money to pay my bills. i want to come home at the same time every day, and write and go to the gym, the only things that make me really feel like a human being, without being drunk or high. i want to travel. a small part of me wants to plan this secret vacation to some small town in oklahoma and escape for a week and see what i see. or, anywhere, really. the only catch being i want to go ALONE, and be in some basically boring place because i always feel so inspired by any place that is not one i belong to, and i find the smallest things fascinating. a new landscape. a different sky.