(no subject)
Hello, this is me. I am still awake at 5:15 in the morning. My sleep pattern is fucked up ever since break started, and it is really starting to get to me. It's at the point where my days and nights are completely turned around. However, in the morning, when my brain says, 'Get up fool, or else you'll never go to sleep later', my body says, 'I never plan on leaving this warm niche in my bed'. What a predicament. I'm pretty sure the problem is that I have no job and absolutely nothing to do. No motivation=verryyy lazy Kristin. No job also=no fun. I think I am falling into a depression. Although I very thoroughly love being done with school for a month after Thanksgiving, there really are no people around. Soon, very soon, I will have a seasonal/part time job at Forever 21. Retail sucks, but I need money. But for now, I shall sleep, eat, Facebook creep (rhyme omg) all day long.
I miss Chicago already. Everything is better there.
One good thing that has come out of being a hermit in the last week is I have planned out my summer. Well, to start my plan off I need lots of money, which I rather not figure that part out at the moment. But these are the festivals I am going to over the summer:
Summer Camp-Southern Illinois
Rothbury-Michigan
Sonic Bloom=Colorado
CampBisco 7=New York
Burning Man-Nevada
Music, drugs, camping, road trips, happy people.. =) I absolutely can't wait. The vibe from these kinds of shows is incredible. The people who go to these festivals are the happiest, most accepting people I have ever met in my life. I just want summer to come!
Other than that..
I feel pretty alone. But, I kind of get that general feeling from a lot of people in college. Well, at least freshmen. It's a mix of only talking to your best friends on the phone/not having a college group yet/living away from home kind of thing. I'm not too worried about it. It would be nice to have a boyfriend though. Yes, that would be nice. See, I'm done with the hookups/"having fun" theme for freshmen year of college. I was done before college, however, I made my mistakes..and now I'm certainly done. I need something constant in my life. It's proving to be more difficult than I thought. The one fellow I actually do like, I screwed things up. Well, at least I think I did. While drunk, after leaving his party, I text him telling him how I feel. Bad move Kristin, stupid idea. Don't get a response, so in the morning after realizing what I did, apologized for my stupidity. Still no answer. And then I went on break..! Yay, I'm awesome...
Not.Not.Not.
The winter is beautiful, I love the snow. Somehow the temperature is not bothering me. I think it's because I got use to the bone-freezing, teeth chattering, can't face the wind, myfaceisfrozen weather from Chicago. Yeah, that was definitely a wake up call. But, I got my new North Face jacket which keeps me SO WARM. There is just no reason to dislike winter now. Except that it reminds me of Adam. I met him last winter, so pretty much everything reminds me of him. And it really sucks, he is probably the only guy I have ever truly cared about in a lovey/relationship kind of way. But I haven't talked to him in months, and now that it's winter I can't supress it. I think about him all the time, there is no pushing him out of my thoughts now. The sad thing is, I think I fucked things up. I've been mad at him for a few months because I thought he was ignoring me. But now I realize he was just waiting for me to grow up. I miss him. Or maybe I just miss the times we had together, I don't know. I miss the comfort I felt with him, I hope I'll feel that one day with someone else.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss your face. I miss your laugh. I miss the way you'd smirk at me. I miss listening to you talk for hours. I miss laying in your arms. I miss the scar on your nose. I miss running my finger along your tattoo. I miss your tiny bedroom in Wrigleyville. I miss waking up to you. I miss you so much.
If only I could actually tell you this. I can't seem to get my finger to push the call button everytime I think of it. Not to say everything would go back to normal if I did. You could have a girlfriend for all I know. But I can't stop thinking about you.
Ok enough of this nonsense. I am a strong, independent person! haha. Oh boys, funny how they can control your every emotion.
I want some tacos.
I miss Chicago already. Everything is better there.
One good thing that has come out of being a hermit in the last week is I have planned out my summer. Well, to start my plan off I need lots of money, which I rather not figure that part out at the moment. But these are the festivals I am going to over the summer:
Summer Camp-Southern Illinois
Rothbury-Michigan
Sonic Bloom=Colorado
CampBisco 7=New York
Burning Man-Nevada
Music, drugs, camping, road trips, happy people.. =) I absolutely can't wait. The vibe from these kinds of shows is incredible. The people who go to these festivals are the happiest, most accepting people I have ever met in my life. I just want summer to come!
Other than that..
I feel pretty alone. But, I kind of get that general feeling from a lot of people in college. Well, at least freshmen. It's a mix of only talking to your best friends on the phone/not having a college group yet/living away from home kind of thing. I'm not too worried about it. It would be nice to have a boyfriend though. Yes, that would be nice. See, I'm done with the hookups/"having fun" theme for freshmen year of college. I was done before college, however, I made my mistakes..and now I'm certainly done. I need something constant in my life. It's proving to be more difficult than I thought. The one fellow I actually do like, I screwed things up. Well, at least I think I did. While drunk, after leaving his party, I text him telling him how I feel. Bad move Kristin, stupid idea. Don't get a response, so in the morning after realizing what I did, apologized for my stupidity. Still no answer. And then I went on break..! Yay, I'm awesome...
Not.Not.Not.
The winter is beautiful, I love the snow. Somehow the temperature is not bothering me. I think it's because I got use to the bone-freezing, teeth chattering, can't face the wind, myfaceisfrozen weather from Chicago. Yeah, that was definitely a wake up call. But, I got my new North Face jacket which keeps me SO WARM. There is just no reason to dislike winter now. Except that it reminds me of Adam. I met him last winter, so pretty much everything reminds me of him. And it really sucks, he is probably the only guy I have ever truly cared about in a lovey/relationship kind of way. But I haven't talked to him in months, and now that it's winter I can't supress it. I think about him all the time, there is no pushing him out of my thoughts now. The sad thing is, I think I fucked things up. I've been mad at him for a few months because I thought he was ignoring me. But now I realize he was just waiting for me to grow up. I miss him. Or maybe I just miss the times we had together, I don't know. I miss the comfort I felt with him, I hope I'll feel that one day with someone else.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss your face. I miss your laugh. I miss the way you'd smirk at me. I miss listening to you talk for hours. I miss laying in your arms. I miss the scar on your nose. I miss running my finger along your tattoo. I miss your tiny bedroom in Wrigleyville. I miss waking up to you. I miss you so much.
If only I could actually tell you this. I can't seem to get my finger to push the call button everytime I think of it. Not to say everything would go back to normal if I did. You could have a girlfriend for all I know. But I can't stop thinking about you.
Ok enough of this nonsense. I am a strong, independent person! haha. Oh boys, funny how they can control your every emotion.
I want some tacos.