(no subject)
i met him almost exactly one year ago to the day. i often wonder if i was happier a year ago. i miss the times i would get so nervous trying to call him because i was afraid i would say something ridiculously stupid. now i don't even hesitate to pick up the phone and blurt out words i don't even mean. i miss the infatuation part of our relationship, just barely understanding who he was. i miss his dad's house when we were the only ones there. it felt so amazing to by ourselves with other. i hate how i feel like i have him so figured out that in the end i have no idea who he really is.
i feel like i've hit a bump and i'm not progressing forward or falling backward. but i know i always feel like this during the winter and he has a harder life than i do. i hate admitting it, but i know i am at fault for the majority of problems in our relationship. i just need him to be there more often because i forget how well off we really are. and as i type this i keep hoping he will call me before i fall asleep. everything will get better, i know it will.
a year ago i was standing in a mall with a complete stranger thinking how nice it would be if he liked me, but that would never happen. the second time i met him i fell asleep in his arms thinking nothing will ever come of this because i already made the mistake of telling him i didn't want anything more. i am happy with the way things worked out and i've been so happy in the past year because of him. dear god, i am such a little kid in love. i wish i could grow up knowing what i want.
i feel like i've hit a bump and i'm not progressing forward or falling backward. but i know i always feel like this during the winter and he has a harder life than i do. i hate admitting it, but i know i am at fault for the majority of problems in our relationship. i just need him to be there more often because i forget how well off we really are. and as i type this i keep hoping he will call me before i fall asleep. everything will get better, i know it will.
a year ago i was standing in a mall with a complete stranger thinking how nice it would be if he liked me, but that would never happen. the second time i met him i fell asleep in his arms thinking nothing will ever come of this because i already made the mistake of telling him i didn't want anything more. i am happy with the way things worked out and i've been so happy in the past year because of him. dear god, i am such a little kid in love. i wish i could grow up knowing what i want.