My return to life...
At least I hope that I'm returning to my life because I have enough of my complaining myself. I always do that when there is a big change in my life. Normally my crisis began months before the change and they finish in a two-weeks-drinking-period during which I'm badly complaining myself. It's funny to call it drinking-period because I needn't to drink more than three glasses of wine and I'm already drunk.
The last time it happened four years ago when after a long period of thinking I finally decided to brake my engagement. What a stupid thing : I broke and I was suffering!!! Why girls have to overthink everything?!
Anyway this time it was a little different, because for a long time I couldn't understand why I'm in crisi. In the matter of fact there was no reason for that.
So one night driving home after work I was crying loudly and shouting. With all my strenght I tried to hate my father, for in these last ten years he nearly never called me and when I called him he had always been talking only about himself, for he never came here to see how I was living and to see my pizzeria for which I had worked so hard etc. And in the end I hated him even because he had gone and left me alone so soon when I was always convinced that he will be with me at least for the next 20 years which is the most stupid thought I've ever had in my life.
So I got home but I couldn't get off my car. I embraced the steering-wheel and I tried to calm down till I was able to draft my feelings : I cannot hate him because he was less than I wanted he would have been. He was a human and now I understand why he did what he had done. And I love him even in his weekness. So it's perfectly normal to suffer because of his death. Yeah, you will never believe but I was in conflict with myself, for I doubted my own feelings.
LOL, I'm quiet better now...
PS.: I love his voice and I'm terribly afraid of forgetting it...:)
PS.: Beh, I love white wine...
The last time it happened four years ago when after a long period of thinking I finally decided to brake my engagement. What a stupid thing : I broke and I was suffering!!! Why girls have to overthink everything?!
Anyway this time it was a little different, because for a long time I couldn't understand why I'm in crisi. In the matter of fact there was no reason for that.
So one night driving home after work I was crying loudly and shouting. With all my strenght I tried to hate my father, for in these last ten years he nearly never called me and when I called him he had always been talking only about himself, for he never came here to see how I was living and to see my pizzeria for which I had worked so hard etc. And in the end I hated him even because he had gone and left me alone so soon when I was always convinced that he will be with me at least for the next 20 years which is the most stupid thought I've ever had in my life.
So I got home but I couldn't get off my car. I embraced the steering-wheel and I tried to calm down till I was able to draft my feelings : I cannot hate him because he was less than I wanted he would have been. He was a human and now I understand why he did what he had done. And I love him even in his weekness. So it's perfectly normal to suffer because of his death. Yeah, you will never believe but I was in conflict with myself, for I doubted my own feelings.
LOL, I'm quiet better now...
PS.: I love his voice and I'm terribly afraid of forgetting it...:)
PS.: Beh, I love white wine...