Recollections I
Despite the fact that I am not officially a graduate until August, I'm on the verge of completing my last true semester at Texas State (like, whoa).
In honor of this fact, I'd like to take a moment and muse on events and themes of my college career and all that stuff that got me on the path that I'm on today. I am compelled to mention, however, that my future still hangs in the balance. I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing in six months. I'm still playing the waiting game, but I've already accepted either fate that shall come to pass.
Making a break for Texas State
In the beginning there was ACC. I was working at a montessori school, living with my then-boyfriend and going to classes part time. Looking back, it might have been wiser of me to complete the whole of my core requirements before transferring to Texas State, but I was tired of ACC and my current position in life as a whole. Of course, it's easier and cheaper at ACC, but I was ready for "real college" and the community college setting distinctly resembled high school. Being the impatient person that I am, I transferred to Texas State as soon as I had enough credits to be considered a sophomore (about 32 credit hours, I think). As a side note, this decisive action and subsequent relocation to San Marcos was also a result of, at the time, a seemingly life-shattering end to my long-term relationship with the aforementioned former boyfriend. Heartbroken, yet less naive (as I was entering my 20s), I realized the best way to heal was to isolate myself from the source of pain and find myself - what to do with myself - on my own.
I now commend myself on that decision. It wasn't easy to pack up and move away from my beloved Austin, my friends, my parents and go live in an apartment with two girls I had never met. I'm an only child with very little experience in co-habitation. However, I was optimistic and rightly so. First, my roommates, though there were plenty of conflicts between us, proved to be the best (absolutely the most responsible) roommates I'd had yet.
Granted my last three roommates weren't hard to best. The following background illustrates this point: the former boyfriend moved out within a few months of the lease, citing that our relationship had become too marital (to put it more eloquently than he did--I will not get into my discourse on that topic). The next, a friend of a few years suffering a similar circumstance, moved in to help me out with rent. Soon, we transferred the lease to a two-bedroom apartment in the same complex. Between she and myself, I was expecting mutual support during a low point for the both of us. It ended up that all the while she was simultaneously nurturing a better friendship with my ex than with me (though she had met him through me, naturally). I cannot explain her position, but I suspect that their personalities were more compatible, or simply, he was more fun that me--which was probably true. Still, this was rather devastating as I saw my biggest emotional investment, this two year relationship with a guy I swore to deeply love and with whom I had imagined my future, crumble before my eyes while I was still made aware of his social interactions and activities on a daily basis. Additionally, this heartbreak was equated with guilt and bitterness that I began to feel towards my friend/roommate, my ex and life in general. Though nothing seemed right in my life at that time, I knew I was mostly to blame for poor decisions and naivety on my part.
That was during my final semester at ACC, the one and only (knock on wood) time I ever made a D in my college career (the guilt part). The third roommate overlapped with the second. At one point, my second roommate entertained the idea to go live in California and marry a close male friend who was in the military at the time. I'm not going into the logistics of this, however, it became that she was so inspired by the prospect that she generously invited a mutual friend of ours to be her replacement. This was established and carried out very quickly. I may not remember this correctly (my head was in many places at the time), but it didn't seem that I had much say in the matter, generally speaking. I mentioned he was a mutual friend, a good friend that was a decent roommate by rapport. The problem I had as a result was pretty much my own. Let me go into more detail on my own behalf.
My second roommate was not a student, neither was the third. In truth, neither one of them completed high school or maintained steady jobs. Therefore, they had little consideration or understanding for my position. I had always been aware of their mannerisms, but I over-estimated my adaptability to such situations. I'm serious and passive by nature. To a fault.
Finally, in what likely seemed spontaneous, I cracked and voiced that I wanted out badly enough to go back to my parents', where I should have stayed to begin with. This cost us more bitterness and several hundred dollars each to break the lease; we had been there a total of maybe three months of the twelve agreed in my original contract. Understandably, the leasing agent was bitter as well. There are other points I could nit-pick about, but it would delay a more timely conclusion. By the end of my last semester at ACC, I was at home with my parents, nursing my guilt, bitterness and my broken heart for a while, until I realized I was wasting precious time. My youth would not amount to being a couch potato, jumping from job to job or stuck at one I despised (which I was). Some people can live like that, but I mentioned earlier that I'm impatient and a lifestyle like that would likely send me over the deep end. Once I get an idea that I am ready and deserving of something better, I won't shut up until I get it. This trait of mine proves both useful and detrimental and it often conflicts with my pacifist attitude. Nevertheless, in this case it was beneficial. I got off the drama roller coaster and started over.
Why Texas State? Simple: it is a 4-year, accredited university that is way less competitive (and smaller) than UT. Other than that, I didn't know much else about what I would get out of the school. I had been undeclared and had yet to feel inspired toward any specific direction. It was as if I was an empty canvas, taking myself into the art studio to see what would be made of me.
(to be resumed)
In honor of this fact, I'd like to take a moment and muse on events and themes of my college career and all that stuff that got me on the path that I'm on today. I am compelled to mention, however, that my future still hangs in the balance. I don't know where I'll be or what I'll be doing in six months. I'm still playing the waiting game, but I've already accepted either fate that shall come to pass.
Making a break for Texas State
In the beginning there was ACC. I was working at a montessori school, living with my then-boyfriend and going to classes part time. Looking back, it might have been wiser of me to complete the whole of my core requirements before transferring to Texas State, but I was tired of ACC and my current position in life as a whole. Of course, it's easier and cheaper at ACC, but I was ready for "real college" and the community college setting distinctly resembled high school. Being the impatient person that I am, I transferred to Texas State as soon as I had enough credits to be considered a sophomore (about 32 credit hours, I think). As a side note, this decisive action and subsequent relocation to San Marcos was also a result of, at the time, a seemingly life-shattering end to my long-term relationship with the aforementioned former boyfriend. Heartbroken, yet less naive (as I was entering my 20s), I realized the best way to heal was to isolate myself from the source of pain and find myself - what to do with myself - on my own.
I now commend myself on that decision. It wasn't easy to pack up and move away from my beloved Austin, my friends, my parents and go live in an apartment with two girls I had never met. I'm an only child with very little experience in co-habitation. However, I was optimistic and rightly so. First, my roommates, though there were plenty of conflicts between us, proved to be the best (absolutely the most responsible) roommates I'd had yet.
Granted my last three roommates weren't hard to best. The following background illustrates this point: the former boyfriend moved out within a few months of the lease, citing that our relationship had become too marital (to put it more eloquently than he did--I will not get into my discourse on that topic). The next, a friend of a few years suffering a similar circumstance, moved in to help me out with rent. Soon, we transferred the lease to a two-bedroom apartment in the same complex. Between she and myself, I was expecting mutual support during a low point for the both of us. It ended up that all the while she was simultaneously nurturing a better friendship with my ex than with me (though she had met him through me, naturally). I cannot explain her position, but I suspect that their personalities were more compatible, or simply, he was more fun that me--which was probably true. Still, this was rather devastating as I saw my biggest emotional investment, this two year relationship with a guy I swore to deeply love and with whom I had imagined my future, crumble before my eyes while I was still made aware of his social interactions and activities on a daily basis. Additionally, this heartbreak was equated with guilt and bitterness that I began to feel towards my friend/roommate, my ex and life in general. Though nothing seemed right in my life at that time, I knew I was mostly to blame for poor decisions and naivety on my part.
That was during my final semester at ACC, the one and only (knock on wood) time I ever made a D in my college career (the guilt part). The third roommate overlapped with the second. At one point, my second roommate entertained the idea to go live in California and marry a close male friend who was in the military at the time. I'm not going into the logistics of this, however, it became that she was so inspired by the prospect that she generously invited a mutual friend of ours to be her replacement. This was established and carried out very quickly. I may not remember this correctly (my head was in many places at the time), but it didn't seem that I had much say in the matter, generally speaking. I mentioned he was a mutual friend, a good friend that was a decent roommate by rapport. The problem I had as a result was pretty much my own. Let me go into more detail on my own behalf.
My second roommate was not a student, neither was the third. In truth, neither one of them completed high school or maintained steady jobs. Therefore, they had little consideration or understanding for my position. I had always been aware of their mannerisms, but I over-estimated my adaptability to such situations. I'm serious and passive by nature. To a fault.
Finally, in what likely seemed spontaneous, I cracked and voiced that I wanted out badly enough to go back to my parents', where I should have stayed to begin with. This cost us more bitterness and several hundred dollars each to break the lease; we had been there a total of maybe three months of the twelve agreed in my original contract. Understandably, the leasing agent was bitter as well. There are other points I could nit-pick about, but it would delay a more timely conclusion. By the end of my last semester at ACC, I was at home with my parents, nursing my guilt, bitterness and my broken heart for a while, until I realized I was wasting precious time. My youth would not amount to being a couch potato, jumping from job to job or stuck at one I despised (which I was). Some people can live like that, but I mentioned earlier that I'm impatient and a lifestyle like that would likely send me over the deep end. Once I get an idea that I am ready and deserving of something better, I won't shut up until I get it. This trait of mine proves both useful and detrimental and it often conflicts with my pacifist attitude. Nevertheless, in this case it was beneficial. I got off the drama roller coaster and started over.
Why Texas State? Simple: it is a 4-year, accredited university that is way less competitive (and smaller) than UT. Other than that, I didn't know much else about what I would get out of the school. I had been undeclared and had yet to feel inspired toward any specific direction. It was as if I was an empty canvas, taking myself into the art studio to see what would be made of me.
(to be resumed)